I have been thinking..and venting. I dont hate my Wife, I hate what she is doing. I don't hate the other man, I hate his actions also. I fear the furture without my wife, yet i also fear reconciliation without honesty.<BR>Sometimes I can't beleive she is. I confronted her- for the 3rd time- and she says that she planted those emails to see if i was hacking into her computer. she says i have been controlling- never liked her friends, always called and checked upo on her- thought she'd appreciate a phone call at work- her frined i didn't like moved in with us nad then placed caller id and stuff on our phone without even asking! pretended to be my w. says being called my wife made her feel like a possession.<BR>i am not saying i haven't been the most understanding, empathetic person- i haven't.<BR>Hate is a terrible thing- screws with my serenity.when she bought a cell phone, it upset me. when i realized why it upset me- it was because it was something we planned on doing- when it looks like she is doing things without me, ,it hurts. said all we did was fight- and she was right. then again- she was the one who started them- and she admits it. ask why i never hit her- what the hell is going on there.<BR>Don't get me wrong- I miss her terribly and don't want to go on at all. says she wants the family together also- but she can't trust that I have changed. Lif is kinda screwy right now.<BR>I talked to our pastor last nite- said shae was running. I have been in therapy ever since this seperation started- May- and i have entered into an anger mgmt. group because of our issues. <BR>I don't know. Is it obsession? sometimes i think so. Sometimes the gut feelings are everythings gonna be alright- sometimes the dread of being divorced is there. <P>Is there a reply for this stream of conciouness? my spelling does suck, thank you.<P>she also signed up for school when we first seperated- thast hurt. although i nvere have been anything but supportive of her college carrer. always have helped if i could - homework, studytime, everything else. <BR>I dont know- do i sound like a control freak?<BR>are you getting the whole story?<BR>thanks.<BR>

Hi Cov<P>I understand your feelings. Maybe you need to just step back from the situation. Work on your self image, regain that self repect and glow with confidence so your W will see from a differnet perspective. Be a better person and understand that LIFE does move on whether your married or not. <P>See your W as a human with needs. She probably felt small and petty around you and now this new freedom is a new buzz for her. When you are truely happy with yourself and you firmly believe that life does move on then you will share your W happiness in her new freedom. You will act differently around her and she will notice this change. Become her friend so that she will share her feelings with you. Never judge her and tell her you understand what she is going through (when you understand yourself first).<P>Treat her as a beatiful person who is learning new things and you will also be free as well. Start a routine to take your mind off this issue. Exercising is a great start. Enjoy the little things in life like watching the sunset and moon rise. Life is very short my friend and happiness begins with-in. Once you acheive true happiness then you will glow. People will want to be around you and you'll never feel lonely. Your W will see you like she did when you courted her into marriage. Treat her like a Queen and she'll see you as a King.<P>Control the things you have control over and that you and your environment. You catch more flies with honey as the saying goes. You can never make someone love you but you make yourself so irrisistable that people will love you.<P>Good Luck<BR>_____________________________________________<BR>"Better to die on your feet than live on your knees"

Part of my problem through this whole past year has been my obsession with trying to fix everything immediately. I have a job where "quick fix" is imperative and it flows over into my personal life. Maybe this is an issue with you. I have finally let go, but I haven't given up. I have 25 years of marriage invested. I can't just give up, but I can "let go" and hope. Maybe you need to "let her go" a bit. Work on things YOU like and let her know you have a life as well. Best wishes.