Advice...help... - 01/13/00 09:36 PM
Well, here's the story. She's been acting more distant and strange for the past 2 months. I suspected something was going on, but failed to think about WHY it might be going on.<P>Due to a situation, she and I live 2 hours apart for now (she goes to school). Well, one night last week she told me she was going to see a good band with her friends Cheryl and Kelly, and would be in early (around 11). We manage to talk every night on the phone for at least a little while. Well, at 2:30am, I was worried...she wasn't home, and no call. By 3:00am, I was in my car and headed there. Her mother lives in that area as well, and I called her to see if she knew if everything was okay. Her mother knew nothing. <P>At around 4:00am, when I was almost there, the phone at her place went busy. It stayed busy the rest of the drive to her. Both her mother and I could not figure out what was going on.<P>When I arrived in front of her cottage, there was a green pickup parked out front. That did NOT sit well with me. So, I went to the door and knocked. After 5 minutes, I heard someone coming downstairs...and finally she opened the door, pulling a robe on in the process.<P>I immediately asked her what was going on (pointing to the truck). She had a hard, cold look on her face and said "I can't believe this". I asked again...she told me to go home. I couldn't do that. I walked in past her and saw the upstairs light was on. I walked up there, and beheld the sight of a naked man in the bed. I confronted him, asking him who he was. I got little information from him save that he thought she and I were already finished (news to me). <P>I walked back downstairs and asked her WHY. She said it was because I'd been acting so weird lately...which I had been a bit because of the distance I'd been perceiving. I then asked her how long it had been going on...she said it was the first night. I then asked her HOW she could do this, and got a cold look followed by "I'm not in love with you anymore.".<P>I left at that point...ended up at her mother's spilling my guts...then driving home.<P>She called me the next evening. I was not accusatory...instead I said I wanted to talk to her...make things right. She told me the guy was a friend of hers, and that indeed, she'd been talking to him about the problems between the two of us (I had NOT been being very open and communicative with her). I told her I still loved her dearly and wanted to work things out. She told me that we could go to dinner in a day or so and talk about things, and to call her the next day to arrange it. She did say all she could think about was how hurt I must have been, but also how she was afraid she'd screwed up her friendship with this guy. <P>I called her the next day...she'd apparently been talking to her mother, and was more angry with me at this point. It wasn't a great conversation, even though I was trying to avoid the issue of what happened and focus on how it GOT there.<P>The next day I decided to drive down there. I got 30 minutes out and called her. She was NOT happy I was coming...she said she didn't feel well and the last thing she wanted to do was have a heavy discussion. She did let me come though, and I tried to talk calmly with her about why it happened. She basically attacked me left and right, saying all I'd managed to do was anhiliate any feelings she had for me. I did tell her I recognized what she was talking about, she said she didn't feel like she really knew me at that point. Told me how this guy listened to her and talked openly to her...and she just fell into it from there. <P>She was very hostile, mean, aggressive, and hurtful in that hour I spent there. Still, I tried not to react in the same manner back. I told her I missed her and loved her very much and wanted to work things out. I told her I felt like I had lost her...she replied that I had. I said I wanted to fix it...and she replied by saying if I was looking for reassurance at that point, I wasn't going to get it. I needed to change. (Mind you, this is over a lack of communication...no abuse is involved here...I love this woman very much).<BR>She also said she didn't regret what happened.<P>I left her place and went home. She did leave me a voice message while I was driving saying she never meant to be mean. <P>I wrote her a couple of e-mails telling her how I felt about her, that I missed her, that I recognized where I had let her down with communication, and that I wanted her to talk to me, and have me listen to her. She never replied. <P>I went to my mother's for a couple of days, leaving her with a couple more e-mails saying I hoped to hear from her when I got back, and that I missed her terribly. Nothing has come of it yet.<P>Does anyone have any advice here? I love her more than anything else in this world, and I realize a lot of anger is bounding around because she's embarrassed she got caught, and a whole barrage of other emotions. I feel lost...I can't sleep, eat, concentrate, etc. I miss her.<P>Is there any hope here at all?<BR>