military in need - 01/27/08 11:21 PM
hello all, down to the meat heres whats going on:
i married my wife when she was 18 and i was already in the military. a week or so after we got married, we found out she was pregnant. a couple of months after that we had to move to texas for training i had (it was an 8 month tour). a couple of months after we get to texas she moves back in with her mom in missouri because it was her first time away from home and she was pregnant. she has our first daughter (i was able to take leave and be with her for it) and a month later i move back to missouri. i had a rough childhood without a father (or a decent one to speak of) and it was hard for me to adjust having a kid. our marriage was never really a good one we were distant from each other but trying to stay together. 15 months later we are pregnant again. things are looking better but we get orders to georgia. again she is very homesick and travels back and forth to missouri often. feb of last year she went to stay with her mom while i had to go on a tdy for more training. it was only a couple of weeks and when i get home she says she doesnt want to come home. of course i was shattered. we talked for a month or so trying to work out things over the phone. she agrees to come back and we go to marriage counseling. we only went 3-4 times because it seemed we were doing much better. she says the reason she left was because i was emotionally cold and i didnt help her with the girls and i always blamed her for everything, no matter how minute. she was right. things seemed better after that. a few months later (june) i got an assignment to an overseas base. i put in for us to go together as a family. the next month my youngest daughter had a seizure. the doctors discovered a condition that ultimately eliminated her from being able to go overseas. my wife and i talked and we thought it would be a good idea for me to go alone (its a 15 month tour) so we could save money to buy a house at our next location. she moved in with her grandmother in missouri and pays low rent to help save money. ive been gone 3 months (i left in nov) and last wednesday night she tells me over the phone that she doesnt think she can "do this" anymore. shes says shes not sure if she loves me and she wants a separation. ive been in tears for the last 5 days. she seems so cold about everything when i talk to her on the phone for the short amounts of time she allows me, like shes already convinced that its over. im desperate. i went to church today to pray, even though ive been an atheist since 1997. ive talked to the psychologist here on base and the chaplin. they both tell me that she should talk to someone also, but when i mention it she gets angry. she hasnt even told her mom or grandma yet, and im supposed to going to see them next month (which was arranged before this). im hurting so much. i dont want to see this marriage end and im so afraid i might end up like my worthless father if, god forbid, we do get a divorce and she gets custody. please if anyone can give me insight im trying to learn everything i can. thank you.
i married my wife when she was 18 and i was already in the military. a week or so after we got married, we found out she was pregnant. a couple of months after that we had to move to texas for training i had (it was an 8 month tour). a couple of months after we get to texas she moves back in with her mom in missouri because it was her first time away from home and she was pregnant. she has our first daughter (i was able to take leave and be with her for it) and a month later i move back to missouri. i had a rough childhood without a father (or a decent one to speak of) and it was hard for me to adjust having a kid. our marriage was never really a good one we were distant from each other but trying to stay together. 15 months later we are pregnant again. things are looking better but we get orders to georgia. again she is very homesick and travels back and forth to missouri often. feb of last year she went to stay with her mom while i had to go on a tdy for more training. it was only a couple of weeks and when i get home she says she doesnt want to come home. of course i was shattered. we talked for a month or so trying to work out things over the phone. she agrees to come back and we go to marriage counseling. we only went 3-4 times because it seemed we were doing much better. she says the reason she left was because i was emotionally cold and i didnt help her with the girls and i always blamed her for everything, no matter how minute. she was right. things seemed better after that. a few months later (june) i got an assignment to an overseas base. i put in for us to go together as a family. the next month my youngest daughter had a seizure. the doctors discovered a condition that ultimately eliminated her from being able to go overseas. my wife and i talked and we thought it would be a good idea for me to go alone (its a 15 month tour) so we could save money to buy a house at our next location. she moved in with her grandmother in missouri and pays low rent to help save money. ive been gone 3 months (i left in nov) and last wednesday night she tells me over the phone that she doesnt think she can "do this" anymore. shes says shes not sure if she loves me and she wants a separation. ive been in tears for the last 5 days. she seems so cold about everything when i talk to her on the phone for the short amounts of time she allows me, like shes already convinced that its over. im desperate. i went to church today to pray, even though ive been an atheist since 1997. ive talked to the psychologist here on base and the chaplin. they both tell me that she should talk to someone also, but when i mention it she gets angry. she hasnt even told her mom or grandma yet, and im supposed to going to see them next month (which was arranged before this). im hurting so much. i dont want to see this marriage end and im so afraid i might end up like my worthless father if, god forbid, we do get a divorce and she gets custody. please if anyone can give me insight im trying to learn everything i can. thank you.