I am newly married - 4 months - and my husband and I dated for a year and half before getting married. I love my husband but we have been arguing so much ever since we got married. I have some insecurity issues that I have not healed from and will tell a little about "my story"- this is only a smidge of all I went through in the past:

When we were dating, the first six and a half months were basically torture for me. He and his ex put me through HEdouble hockey sticks! He kept going back and forth between me and her and would tell me he loved me, but all the while going behind my back still communicating with her, seeing her, and telling her he loved her too. He was constantly comparing me to her. I just told him to do what he needed to do everytime he broke up with me to go back to her, when he would be back to me a week later telling me he loved me and he's confused....he did that (broke up with me) on 3 different times. Well, he "finally" made his mind up and didn't communicate with her for after that last month he came back to me, we got married about a year later. During this time, he and his ex were in the "swinging" lifestyle and although curious about it, I did try it only to find it is not for me, not healthy and makes me even more insecure and doubt myself and his love for me. Found out before we got married, he was still "following" his ex and her three kids looking up their myspace profiles.....i told him that was very dis-respectful to me and he says he does it to remind himself of the mistakes he made in that relationship so he doesn't make the same in ours.....he said he would stop.....fast forward to marriage, found out he is STILL looking at their profiles. To me, it makes me feel he still thinks of her and wants her back. He says he doesn't communicate with her or her kids, but still, it still hurts that he would still dis-respect me and bring that hurtful past back into my life and our marriage. I told him the "swinging" lifestyle was not for me as well and he keeps bringing it up and says it shows him I am confident in myself and strong and I used to be so confident and strong and now I am not. He says I was being a fake back then when I was trying it and now we're married, I don't wan to do it. Being married is cherishing my vows, becoming one, and monogamus (sp?).....I don't think I ever allowed myself to heal from the past and I don't know if he can be patient with me to get that confidence and self esteem back I did have. I am just so confused, overwhelmed, and sad this is happening so early into our marriage.

Thanks for listening and I hope some of you can give me advice, input, or can understand

I am also newly married actually just celebrated our 6 months and my husband and i fight more now. Im working on my masters in psychology and was pleased to learn that this is completely normal. I wouldn't worry to much about the fighting issue. As for the myspace, I would tell him exactly how you feel. Ask him to delete his profile or block theirs. He shouldn't need to look at their pages to reminded himself of the problems he made in that relationship instead he should be focusing on your marriage. Be honest about the swingers issue. I appauled you for being so dedicated to your vows as most people are not. If he still bothers you about being a swinger there could be an underlined issue with him. Maybe you should consider coaching or counseling. Hope that everything works out and that i could help alittle. God Bless

He is having an emotional affair with his ex. He is using you for security and cake eating. Leave now. If he didn't even respect you before marriage, and doesn't now, can you imagine how many physical affairs he will have in the next 5 or 10 years?

You deserve someone who will never even THINK about another woman once he is in love with you.

Honestly, how can you call what he does love? Love means willing to sacrifice your own happiness to ensure that the person you love gets what she needs. How has he done that? At all?

You deserve better.

Whoa, Cat, I disagree. I subscribe to Harley's beliefs on the issue of unconditional love. Here are two excerpts from Harley, link to full Q&A afterwards:

"Now I will tackle an issue that gets me into all kinds of trouble -- unconditional love. The position I take seems almost sacrilegious, but the more I have thought about the issue, the more convinced I am that I'm right. And I also believe that my position is consistent with the highest moral values.

You mention in your letter that your "unconditional love is a cord that holds us together." But I believe that unconditional love usually ruins marriages instead of saving them."

-and-

"First, lets take a moment to review the two unhealthy rules:
Unconditional Love for your spouse: Do whatever you can to make your spouse happy and avoid anything that makes your spouse unhappy (even if it makes you unhappy).

Unconditional Love for yourself: Do whatever you can to make yourself happy and avoid anything that makes yourself unhappy (even if it makes your spouse unhappy).

The first rule is wrong because it does not take your own feelings into account, and the second rule is wrong because it does not take your spouse's feelings into account.

I think you can see by now where I am headed. I want a new rule that takes the feelings of both you and your spouse into account simultaneously. The rule should read: Do whatever you can to make you and your spouse happy at the same time, and avoid anything that will make either you or your spouse unhappy.

To make it seem a little easier to understand and apply, I have changed it to read, "Never do anything without an enthusiastic agreement between you and your spouse." I call this rule the Policy of Joint Agreement."

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5038_qa.html

I believe romantic love is the goal....