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I got married about six months ago and i'm also five months pregnant. I love my husband and he is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. He and I like most couples are alike and different. He comes from a world of smoking, he tried drugs, and basically had all the fun a man would like to have in his early 20's he is now 30. I knew all of this when I fell in love with him. I on the other hand came from a world of respect, no drugs/smoking, and so to speak i grew up trying to be the "good daughter". So in a way we are different, yet we have a lot of likes, and with that is that he wanted a family like myself, loves the movies,eating out,parties, and well willing to always try new things.
Lately we miss that, we miss all of that, meaning how we used to be so sweet and nicer to each other, now we get along but when we fight it gets uglier and uglier.
I try to blame it on my roller coaster hormones and lack of funds. He too blames it on the lack of funds and well way we are both changing...
This past weekend was bad, I don't want to get into details but I will say this, we had a horrible ugly nasty argument which led him calling me a bad name, yelling, and ultimately he was gone for over 24 hours and didn't call til yesterday and finally got home by dinner time. I was upset, angry, confused, sad, and above all that I was scared. Scared that we are becoming horrible people in which we are not, its a nasty side that perhaps every human being has but not the quality we want to show to someone we love and care for. So with that said I do know that I have to do things that first is to care for my well been and my baby, second understand that in the beginning of a marriage is tuff.
What I want to do is seek help such as counseling, and I want is to not argue with my husband anymore. I love him and I want to be with him. So if you have any advice or perhaps something similar I would really would like to know that i'm not alone in this. Thank you.
Sweetheart, you are not alone!! My husband and I had the same problems when I was pregnant. Our son is two now and we still fight, but normal stuff. Lack of funds is really hard for anyone, it makes my parents fight and they've been married for almost 10 years now. And everyone I know is having money problems. But you can't let it get you down. Come up with a plan with your husband to help your financial problem, like a budget and stick with it.

As far as the weekend goes, I'd have to know what happened to really know what to tell you. But you can't go through life with out arguing, especially with those closest to you. Sometimes arguments can be good, they release tension and can even let the other know what is on your mind. But another thing that arguments or fighting brings is making up. Which can be a lot of fun, some times.

And pregnancy is crazy and it makes you crazy, I was a psycho while I was pregnant!! It makes everything seem worse, I promise. And yes you need to take care of yourself, and you need to do your best to not let these problems get to you. Are you working? Do you have any other kids? These things can factor in as well.

But trust me you are doing the best thing by seeking help.
Thank you for your reply GoddessLacey smile
I know every couple has fights its just that this fight was a huge one and I rather not go into so much details because we were both wrong.
We did talk last night and we promised each other that we would no longer do those harsh things to each other, such as he wouldn't leave and I have to really start controlling my anger. Yet, this morning I found out that what he was really doing was "punishing me" and I felt bad hearing that from him. I explained to him that he shouldn't do that because he is not God to punish others and that if you love someone you dont want to punish them you want to embrace the love, but in a way I understand that perhaps he just wanted to get his point across and in which it was very well taken... I love him, I wish that he would speed up his process on recovering from the fight for this weekend, but I have to learn that everyone is just different and that he needs his time to come around.
He also told me that this really hurt him and that he just cant be feeling all great, which I understand but I really do want him to feel better....quicker....
I also asked him that I wanted to hear that everything would be ok and he did reasurred me, which made me feel ok to know that in some time from now everything will be back to how it used to be.
As far as working, yes I do work, I work full time and I do about a forty minute commute to my job everyday. I don't have any children yet, this little bun that I have in my oven will be our first gift from God. Everytime I talk to her (my bun)I just get excited and can't wait to see her and kiss her.
I do think that been pregnant does get one crazi"ER" its just I wish men all men can understand that sometimes we women have no control of the raging hormones that go through our bodies, and although its only temporary its really one of the excuses for us to be so weird...
As far as help goes I called some therapists yesterday but didn't have any luck because they still haven't returned my calls, but today I will keep trying and hopefully my luck will turn around.
I greatly appreciate the advice that you gave me I just would like to know if I can't get a therapist what other type of help can I look for?
A few things.

First, he doesn't have the background in stability you do. You will need to show him what a stable life is like. As you do, though, you also need to explain how that is all based on respect. In a 'happy' life, a man respects his wife and wants to please her above himself. A woman respects her husband and provides a great homelife for him. They talk about everything - no assumptions, no one person making the decisions without including the other. Talk about everything! Never stop.

Second, living with you is going to seem boring to a man who is used to instant gratification. You need to talk (again!) about choosing to marry means putting your old ways behind you and moving on to a family. I don't think your H gets this yet. And he doesn't have the background as an example. Talk about it.

Third, for a good marriage, you will both need to learn about each other better. A good way to do that is to print out the Love Buster questionnaires here, and both of you fill them out. They will help you learn about each other - what you do that bothers him, what he does that bothers you. Once you know that stuff, it is both your responsibilities to make sure you respect your partner enough to never do those things to each other. That's how resentment grows and marriages end. Stop doing them! It's a good idea to return to this LBQ once a year, to see how things are going.

Once you have that down, fill out the Emotional Needs questionnaire, so you both know what you should do to make the other happy. Remember, though, if you haven't eliminated the LBs, it doesn't matter how many ENs you meet - they will still be resentful and reject you meeting their ENs. He needs to understand this.

Fourth, adding a child is a HUGE disruption to a marriage. If you don't handle it right, you will grow apart and probably divorce. Wisdom says that you have to take care of the marriage first, then the child. So NEVER tell him 'No, I don't want to watch a movie with you, I'd rather play with baby.' I mean, sure, you have to split your time, but never make him feel like now that the baby is here, husband takes second place. Texas A&M University just published a survey that says 9 out of 10 marriages become worse once kids are introduced. That's because the new parents quit trying to meet each other's needs - they focus on the kid, and the marriage suffers.

Finally, I have a GREAT website your husband may benefit from. It's called www.bettermen.org. Its premise is a man has to be a responsible husband and father, but he shouldn't ignore his own happiness or needs. But that there is a balance there. I highly recommend it, for both of you. They have a book called Hold On To Your N.U.T.S., that talks about making sure you're happy, but not to the detriment of your marriage and wife. Short book, easy read; I recommend it.

Oh, and if money is tight, have you looked into www.unitedway.org? It's not just for poor people. They have agencies there that can help with anything from finding a better job, help with education, getting better health care, raising kids...just everything. Please give it a try and see what they have available in your area.
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