Question / Prayer request.... - Marriage Builders® Forums

I was wondering if anyone could point me in the right direction as far as what the Bible says and or what your personal convictions are concerning "Spousal Rape" and/or "Wife Rape"? I have read and been taught the wives submit to your husbands as unto the Lord , but I feel that applies in a godly situation. I don't feel like this is a godly or wholesome situation. I have tried telling my H that it doesn't feel like love when he forces himself on me and I'm really at my wits end and I don't think I can take much more. I know I posted before that I wanted to leave but never gave a reason. I have been trying to research this and I'm still pretty much in the dark. My H just plain doesn't see what he's doing and how it is destroying our marriage. This is a long term problem ,going on 6 years now. Any advice on the subject would be appreciated as well as your prayers as I make some critical descions in the coming weeks. Thank you in advance, Benjimom

I'm not sure how I can help you, but let me ask some questions first please. The obvious question would be what happened in your marriage that cause you not to want to have sex with your husband? As for spousal rape, I personally feel that as a Christian man I may have the right to my wifes body, but if I love her I will want to make love with her, not just get my sexual satisfaction. I would want to know why we can't make love and work towards resolving the problem. I struggle with the notion that we can demand our rights from one another because I look at Christ's example and He always gave of Himself, not demanded what was rightfully His. Sex should be a gift we give each other, not something we demand and take.

Benjimom, Been there dun that.... I've been where you are. And not that many years ago. I do know that God hears our prayers, and wants to see our marriages strong and supportive. I do know that He can change things, He did for me. I don't have any specific advice or steps for you to take, but I do know one thing, start with prayer for wisdom, increased faith, and love for your husband. God bless you, TnT

Well, I understand where you are coming from, as a man you may feel that it is your right to have what you think you need, My Bible says, "wives submit ..as unto the Lord...", tell me does God ever force himself on you? I didn't say He didn't make us willing to do it His way, I just mean that if you were allergic to bee stings and I brought a hive into the room full of live bees , it wouldn't take you long to decide it wasn't the place for you to be, thats how God prompts us to doing His will. When we do it it is a free will offering of ourselves. By the same token , that's the way it should be in our marriages, it should be left to us to be a freewill offering and give ourselves, a joyful gift. At this point in time I don't have the option of being a willing gift, that's what I want changed. I feel like I no longer should need to be emotional abused this way, I understand most of the church world doesn't agree that spousal rape is a problem , most of the church world views it as a case of an unsubmissive wife, that's fine but please don't judge my pain on the basis of narrow-minded thinking. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by billiam1: I'm not sure how I can help you, but let me ask some questions first please. The obvious question would be what happened in your marriage that cause you not to want to have sex with your husband? As for spousal rape, I personally feel that as a Christian man I may have the right to my wifes body, but if I love her I will want to make love with her, not just get my sexual satisfaction. I would want to know why we can't make love and work towards resolving the problem. I struggle with the notion that we can demand our rights from one another because I look at Christ's example and He always gave of Himself, not demanded what was rightfully His. Sex should be a gift we give each other, not something we demand and take. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Is your marriage restored? How long did it take? Thanks for the support, Benjimom <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by trustntruth: Benjimom, Been there dun that.... I've been where you are. And not that many years ago. I do know that God hears our prayers, and wants to see our marriages strong and supportive. I do know that He can change things, He did for me. I don't have any specific advice or steps for you to take, but I do know one thing, start with prayer for wisdom, increased faith, and love for your husband. God bless you, TnT<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Yes, it is. I think spousal rape is much deeper than simply wanting sex, it is a way to control and can be violent. I don't think that spousal rape is something the church condones, or blames the victim for. I think it needs to be dealt with just like any other abuse issue. It is emotionally damaging to the victim. But,... God heals, and God cares, and God loves, and God can change things. He is your deliverer, your refuge, and your strength. Start there, and I know God will give you wisdom, faith and love. Have you checked out the book "Boundaries in Marriage?" It is Christian based. How about "Power of a praying wife"? Just start addressing this with prayer. Cry out to the Lord your God, with all of your pain and sadness. Ask Him for help, and he will give it to you. Our situation - vehement - God delivers and restores. I feel like the Lord led me to the marriage-builder principles, and believe me, they were the tangible help that I needed. I give God the glory. TnT

Before your bible says "wives submit" scripture says that we are to submit to one another. The verse after that wives/husbands are examples of what that love should look like. Down in the Women's bible study, there is a thread on boundary setting that might be of interest. I think TNT utilized those skillls as well.

I wanted to complete, or give a better naswer to your question regarding spousal rape, or the refusal of sex in a marriage relationship.Modern Christian law recognies the essential aspect that sex has in a marriage relationship and that the refusal of sex could cause the other partner to sin by not having their sexual needs met within the marraige relationship. 1Co. 7.3-5 and Ex.21.10 clearly state that neither partner shouldn't refuse sex. The bible acknowledges the importance of the physical part of the marraige reationship and urges us to take it very seriously, and to enjoy making love. With that being said, rights for sex must always be in the context of affection. If your partner is demanding sex wihtout affection, then you partner is as guilty as the you are for refusing to have sex. Therefore the refusal of sex may be grounds for divorce, never spousal rape, but grounds of divorce should be looked at closely. Your refusal may be because of lack of emotional support from your husband, so the fault may not lie with jut you for refusing to have sex. Remember that if we, men are loving our wife as Chrsit loved the church, then we wouldn't be demanding our sexual rights, but would have a loving caring physical and emotional relationship in which sex would not have to be demanded or taken, but given freely with love.