Need to Leave MB - 06/23/04 12:15 AM
Hello all.
I have been doing a lot of soul searching & thinking w/in these last few days & I have come to the decision that it is time to leave MB for a while. I need to put forth every effort in my M & right now I'm not.
I keep feeling as if we're going nowhere & I know it's b/c of the ups & downs of feelings in recovery from a BS. I need to be in my prayer closet more, reading the Bible more & giving my H the undivided attention that he deserves. Sometimes I have days that I get so angry & depressed, thinking of the events leading up to the A & H's actions throughout. I believe this is Satan's way of attacking us & trying to get me to feel hopeless.
I have decided not to let that happen & I want to thank singleguy for talking me through some very difficult days I've been having recently. I've been feeling like this situation is hopeless some days b/c I get so angry w/H & then take my focus off that & then I get so angry w/OW. I have never met her, I have never spoken w/her. I don't even know what she looks like yet she lives 6 miles from where I work. Why did we never meet? Was this God intervening? Does this mean that I am to never meet her?
Sometimes I feel the need to write her a letter telling her how badly their actions hurt me & that I appreciate the fact that she recognized that I indeed loved my H & wanted things to work w/him. I try to pray 4 her like I was doing, but here of late I am so angry w/her for trying to take him away that I cannot bring myself to pray for her. I also don't want to "force" it b/c then I would feel so fake. And God knows what's truly in my heart anyway.
I've been thinking that maybe I'm feeling this way lately b/c I've never had a chance to grieve over him being gone. I was too busy trying to fix myself & show my H constant love that I didn't express my anger. I buried it. And that is not healthy. I think I need to find that balance & I'm having a hard time doing that.
Sometimes I feel like such a hypocrite. Trying to keep these newcomers focused on God when I feel myself starting to stray away from Him again. Is that what's happening? Yes, I definitely think that I need to take my attention away from here & get back to studying God's word EVERY DAY so I can get out of these moods.
Darn these mood swings!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
If anyone wants to correspond w/me, my e-mail address is cherfan31@comcast.net. I would love to try to continue to help those in need, so please feel free to e-mail me anytime w/a vent, question, whatever. I am going to miss this place for a while, but I believe this is best. I would love to keep in contact w/all of you so feel free to e-mail me & we can converse that way.
I love you all & please know that I will be praying for each one of you. I've never stopped. Now, if I can get my H to pray again, we'll be doing a LOT better. God, please let that happen soon.
Love, Y
I have been doing a lot of soul searching & thinking w/in these last few days & I have come to the decision that it is time to leave MB for a while. I need to put forth every effort in my M & right now I'm not.
I keep feeling as if we're going nowhere & I know it's b/c of the ups & downs of feelings in recovery from a BS. I need to be in my prayer closet more, reading the Bible more & giving my H the undivided attention that he deserves. Sometimes I have days that I get so angry & depressed, thinking of the events leading up to the A & H's actions throughout. I believe this is Satan's way of attacking us & trying to get me to feel hopeless.
I have decided not to let that happen & I want to thank singleguy for talking me through some very difficult days I've been having recently. I've been feeling like this situation is hopeless some days b/c I get so angry w/H & then take my focus off that & then I get so angry w/OW. I have never met her, I have never spoken w/her. I don't even know what she looks like yet she lives 6 miles from where I work. Why did we never meet? Was this God intervening? Does this mean that I am to never meet her?
Sometimes I feel the need to write her a letter telling her how badly their actions hurt me & that I appreciate the fact that she recognized that I indeed loved my H & wanted things to work w/him. I try to pray 4 her like I was doing, but here of late I am so angry w/her for trying to take him away that I cannot bring myself to pray for her. I also don't want to "force" it b/c then I would feel so fake. And God knows what's truly in my heart anyway.
I've been thinking that maybe I'm feeling this way lately b/c I've never had a chance to grieve over him being gone. I was too busy trying to fix myself & show my H constant love that I didn't express my anger. I buried it. And that is not healthy. I think I need to find that balance & I'm having a hard time doing that.
Sometimes I feel like such a hypocrite. Trying to keep these newcomers focused on God when I feel myself starting to stray away from Him again. Is that what's happening? Yes, I definitely think that I need to take my attention away from here & get back to studying God's word EVERY DAY so I can get out of these moods.
Darn these mood swings!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
If anyone wants to correspond w/me, my e-mail address is cherfan31@comcast.net. I would love to try to continue to help those in need, so please feel free to e-mail me anytime w/a vent, question, whatever. I am going to miss this place for a while, but I believe this is best. I would love to keep in contact w/all of you so feel free to e-mail me & we can converse that way.
I love you all & please know that I will be praying for each one of you. I've never stopped. Now, if I can get my H to pray again, we'll be doing a LOT better. God, please let that happen soon.
Love, Y