I have this issue if anyone could give me an advice. Both me and my wife have been through so much. We agreed to work things out and now everytime we have a big arguement or I mess up all she is talking about is divorce. i don't want to lose her and would do anything to work this marriage out but she always says to me after my faults is that she wants to leave me. She informed me about what I need to change and I feel that I am changing but there is a couple of things I need to work on more. My attitude I am a brat and controlling I just want her to give me the attention and this I am slowly working on it. I have a drinking problem and will fix this issue quickly. All I am trying to get out of this is what I need to do to tell her and show her that I want my family to be togehter as one and will do anything to work this marriage out. Is there anything that anyone can offer on advices. Please help me out here.

Under your circumstances, this probably wouldn't be good but usually it's best to go ahead and say "fine, then leave". You have to mean it and be willing to let her go but basically that will be the natural thing that will happen if she continually uses that to threaten you.
In most cases she will be taken aback. That used to happen with my wife. She threatened on a regular basis to pack up and leave to her mother's place. I was very affraid at first but eventually the pressure got to me and I said "If that's what you really want, then be my guest." She looked inside herself, realized she didn't really want to leave... that she was just saying it out of frustration and as a threat and decided to stop saying it. I haven't heard her say those words for over 6 months now.

In your case, your drinking and controlling is clearly a problem and she has legitimate reason to leave. Maybe you can do it in phases. First time, explain that you are giving it everything you have and that it creates a lot of worry and instability for you to wonder if she's going to leave as you are trying to work on your problems. Then the next time say "that's not what I want but if you really think Divorce is the answer, I can't stop you". You don't want to send her a consistant message that you don't care-- on the contrary you want to make sure she knows you want her to stay... but as things escalate, I think it's fine to say eventually "it's your choice".

Are you being treated for your alcoholism? Most, if not all, of Dr. Harley's principles cannot be properly applied if one spouse has an addiction.

I agree but the motivation for Dr Harley saying that is probably:

1. The taker is in control for an addict more than the giver is; rational thought becomes muddied and emotions tend to flip flop.

2. HNHN Principles will tend to turn spouse of addict into enabler.

3. The addict eventually abandons all needs except the drug and therefore it's impossible to meet needs in a healthy way.

To me, it does sound like his spouse is threatening to leave when she gets frustrated. That is something that she should stop doing regardless of his addiction. If she's going to really leave, she should. And if she isn't, she shouldn't threaten with it. It doesn't build stability.