Marriage Builders
Posted By: MaddCass Is this the end?? - 08/10/06 07:29 PM
I have been married for about a month and a half. My H is leaving me. He says it's because he has been unhappy for several months and needs some time to clear his head. I believe it is because he has become emotionally attached to a co-worker. He insists it is just a friendship and nothing else. The number of calls/text messages and voice mails going back and forth is shocking. I have asked on several occasions for my H to stop talking to this co-worker outside of business hours. Reel it in, so to speak. He has promised in the past he would, but for the past 6 weeks we have had one fight after another on this subject. The final straw was 2 nights ago when he hung up from talking to me to pick up a call from her and told me it was a male friend of his - he not only took a call from her, but lied to me about it and didn't skip a beat doing so. I also found a photo of her on his cell phone - she is wearing a bikini and it was sent 3 days ago. There is so much more to this story. I must have spent a good hour typing up the circumstances and then was informed my post was no longer valid. How very frustrating.
My H claims he just needs time to clear his head. He is not happy, hasn't been for quite sometime, he is not "closing the door on us" but if he stays eventually it will be the end of our marriage. Now, keep in mind after I found the photo, I told him this is it, me or this "friendship". I had bent several times where this "friendship" was concerned and this was the last straw. It is NEVER appropriate to send a photo of yourself to another woman's H. He claims there is nothing going on, they are just friends and he will not end a friendship just because I am not comfortable with it.
I don't know how many marriages actually survive a separation and I truely believe once my H leaves, he's not coming back. Even if he claims he really is just leaving to clear his head, to make sure this is what he wants, to be as sure of us as he once was. Afterall, if he comes back, I can rest assured that "this is really where he wants to be".
Any advice is appreciated. Like I said there is so much more to this story. If more detail is needed - happy to go into.

Newlywed...but not so happily
Posted By: ssue Re: Is this the end?? - 08/29/06 10:13 PM
Hey,
I am also a "newlywed" and not so happy....I have been married for four months and am now separated with my H. It not the same situaion, but similar. He has stated that he needed to clear his head and we are now separated for almost a month. It is hard! Ive gone through so many emotions from neediness to anger to depression...You cant blame yourself. Ask yourself, do you want to spend the rest of your days wondering if he's thinking of another? Are you willing to do the snooping and the checking to see if his love is real? NO!
Its the hardest thing to let someone you love go, especially when the marriage is so new. Women and men go into marriage expecting so many different things. Sometimes what a women expects is really unattainable by a man and only available by God. Anyway, here is where I am.
I have to let him go and do his searching with hope and faith that if this is all in God's will, it will remain. I dont want to hold on to a man against his will and nor will I continue to be a part of trying to hold on. Freedom is what is asked for but when a man comes to you under the terms of freewill...what a wonderful thing that is. It is sincere. He is saying, I love you and you are the one I want to be with. It sounds like he's doing some searching for whatever it is that roams around his head and you just have to let it be. It took weeks for me to come to that conclusion. All you can do is work on yourself and find it in your heart to do what makes you happy and fullfilled. Seek some counseling and speak to only people who can give you guidance. Talking to too many people will cloud your vision so beware.

It seems hopeless, but its not. It will either put you on the path of what was meant to be, stronger relationship, or eventual separation of paths. Either way, make sure you keep focus on you.

Pray for the best.
Posted By: ManInMotion Re: Is this the end?? - 09/01/06 06:42 PM
Sounds like your H is having an EA (and quitely likely a PA), and that co-worker is the OW.

For your M to have any hope of recovery, ending the A is the first milestone that you need to pass. A powerful weapon in your arsenal is EXPOSURE, i.e. exposure of the A to his workplace, the W's H (if she has one), to family and to anyone else who can assist in ending the A and achieving the goal of no contact between your H and that OW. And exposure is a weapon that achieves the best result when there's no warning whatsoever before you use it. In other words, don't give any warnings... just do it.

This is of course, if you really want to recover your M. If you have no kids and no shared property and your M is still supposedly in the "honeymoon years", I'd seriously suggest walking away rather than trying to recover your M. Your H is quite likely indicating by his actions that he's not fit material for a long-term relationship.
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