husband made devastating comment....need advice... - 03/09/09 11:36 AM
I would appreciate some opinions on how to handle a situation that occurred this weekend....here goes...
My H and I were in an argument Saturday morning. Won't go into all the details of it, but he made a couple comments that have hurt me deeply. The first thing he said was that he was embarrassed at how I allow our children to dress. Our girls are 8 and 9. He said that he is afraid that when they get older they will not care about their appearance.
I do not allow the girls to wear torn, dirty, or inappropriate clothing. They prefer to wear jeans and a top rather than slacks or skirts. I feel this is very typical of kids their age. I argued that I do NOT want them to be concerned with appearance at this age. As long as they pay attention to hygiene I think they should be able to wear what makes them comfortable as long as it is clean and age-appropriate. I see other children at school and they are wearing similar clothing...I rarely see little girls in a skirt..they just want to be able to play at recess without worrying about showing their underwear. On occasion, one of the girls will chose to wear a skirt, but it is usually for a class party or special occasion. I have never had anyone else make any negative comments about how the children dress.
The next thing he said cut me to the core. He leaned back, narrowed his eyes, and asked... "Do you want the girls to turn out like you when they grow up?"
What kind of question is that? I felt crushed when he said that. I didn't know how to answer at first, I was so stunned. As all parents, I certainly do not wish that my children make the same mistakes that I have made, but I hope that the girls inherit some of my good traits. I hope they have compassion and kindness. I would be pleased if the inherited my creativity. I feel that over all I am a good person and would frankly by proud if they had some of their Mommy in them when they become women.
My H travels 2-3 weeks out of every month. Every time (and I mean every time) one of the girls go to someone's house to play or spend the night, the parent has commented that the girls are one of the most polite children they have been around. Very often the teachers at school will write on their weekly reports that the girls are a joy to have in class or some other similar comment. My H tells them that their manners are "atrocious". It breaks my heart for them because I can see them shrivel every time he says it.
Does anyone else find that question offensive? It has frankly devastated me. Am I being too sensitive or am I right in feeling hurt? He says I am taking things too personally and that I am over-emotional. I need advice!
My H and I were in an argument Saturday morning. Won't go into all the details of it, but he made a couple comments that have hurt me deeply. The first thing he said was that he was embarrassed at how I allow our children to dress. Our girls are 8 and 9. He said that he is afraid that when they get older they will not care about their appearance.
I do not allow the girls to wear torn, dirty, or inappropriate clothing. They prefer to wear jeans and a top rather than slacks or skirts. I feel this is very typical of kids their age. I argued that I do NOT want them to be concerned with appearance at this age. As long as they pay attention to hygiene I think they should be able to wear what makes them comfortable as long as it is clean and age-appropriate. I see other children at school and they are wearing similar clothing...I rarely see little girls in a skirt..they just want to be able to play at recess without worrying about showing their underwear. On occasion, one of the girls will chose to wear a skirt, but it is usually for a class party or special occasion. I have never had anyone else make any negative comments about how the children dress.
The next thing he said cut me to the core. He leaned back, narrowed his eyes, and asked... "Do you want the girls to turn out like you when they grow up?"
What kind of question is that? I felt crushed when he said that. I didn't know how to answer at first, I was so stunned. As all parents, I certainly do not wish that my children make the same mistakes that I have made, but I hope that the girls inherit some of my good traits. I hope they have compassion and kindness. I would be pleased if the inherited my creativity. I feel that over all I am a good person and would frankly by proud if they had some of their Mommy in them when they become women.
My H travels 2-3 weeks out of every month. Every time (and I mean every time) one of the girls go to someone's house to play or spend the night, the parent has commented that the girls are one of the most polite children they have been around. Very often the teachers at school will write on their weekly reports that the girls are a joy to have in class or some other similar comment. My H tells them that their manners are "atrocious". It breaks my heart for them because I can see them shrivel every time he says it.
Does anyone else find that question offensive? It has frankly devastated me. Am I being too sensitive or am I right in feeling hurt? He says I am taking things too personally and that I am over-emotional. I need advice!