Marriage Builders®
Posted By: meislost Is his need for sex more like an addiction - 01/16/10 10:14 PM
I have been reading HNHN and i totally understand how males feel that sex is so important and i have always tried to accomodate this with my husband.
I know there is no magic number but when is sex more of an addiction then an initmate way of showing how u feel?
For 6 years me and my husband have had sex close to every night i am really being honest and if i wasnt in the mood he would say help me have a wank or a head job would be nice. It wouldnt matter if i was dog tired or feeling unwell or pregnant (three kids and three years leaves one very exhausted mum)!
I do accept that to a certain degree i did just give him my body and didnt really engage in it with him, but when it was the same way every night- which was have shower i wash him(he didnt do it back) when i got out he would be laying on the bed watchin porno i would stimulate him then he would jump on (i am sorry for being real blunt) also i guess i started to turn off when he would talk about having sex with other people and how much he wanted to have a three some with me.
If i said no not in mood i would just be annoyed till i agreed and as i have said in another post my husband is a very emotionally controlling and i didnt feel i could say no.
After going through the book there still isnt alot of get me in the mood affection from him, we arent having sex as often and i did agree that if he still feels un satisfied then he could look at pornos on internet (i was just happy to be left alone).
It doesnt make me feel good that he does look at porn i feel i fail to satisfy him he says he likes just getting affection but rarely is it ever just affection or returned.
He said to me last night i am gonna stay up watch some porn and try and have a wank i feel horny so i went to bed. He comes in about 10mins later says internets to slow is it okay i watch some porn DVDS. I did my very best to not take this as a personally snipe at me and be manipulated into helping him.
Is there place for pornos in a marriage? Should i accomadate him with a "wank" or oral sex because i am not in mood or if its not an appropriate time of the month?? I dont see why i should when it feels like i am just there to entertain his needs.
How can i address these things with him especially when i am scared of him??
I know alot of ppl who read this would probably be shaking their heads wondering why i have put up with this but in my defence i am quite alot younger then my husband and was and have been very naive and thought things were normal cos that is what he kept telling me and i didnt know any different.
I am to new here but am so shocked nobody answered you! I'll just say that everything you describe is not normal....I can't imagine living in a marriage like in answer to your question your spouse sounds addicted to porno & sex IMO.
This is so sad but I can somewhat relate to you. When I was 18/19 years old I was with a man that was 32. He wanted sex all the time. We had it about 2-4 times a day and it is exhausting. Even when I was not in the mood he would still want to get his and I would lay there and let him. This lasted a long time because I loved him and did not want to lose him. Anyhow later down the line (now) I have come to realize that he has a very bad sexual addiction. It was way worse than I thought. I am not sure what advice to give you as I only got past it by leaving him. I am not suggesting this but there should be some type of counseling going on so that he understands that you have emotional needs not just sexual. I feel that you are a very strong person to have been dealing with this for so long. I am sorry to hear that you are going through this but really hope someone can give you some sound advice.
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According to MB principles, there is no place for porn in a marriage. The reason is that your husband should be coming to you and only you to satisfy his need for sexual fulfillment. It sounds like your energy level and that of your husband are not matched at the moment. This is certainly understandable given that you have unmet needs for affection.

Daily sexual activity is normal for many couples. I wouldn't automatically condemn him for wanting daily sex. You have encouraged him to seek other people with the porn. That could prove to be very dangerous as pornographic material will not promote healthy monogamous sex. Hence, the threesome questions.
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