I'm coming out of the dark - 04/13/00 02:42 PM
Hi Ladies, as you know, when my husband left me the last time in Jan, I turned my back on my marriage, Biblically I thought. But I didn't behave biblically with my interest in another man. Part of the deception I bought was that my husband had left the marriage long ago with his affair and multiple separations and I was no longer married.<P>The contact with the OM has ended, but the temptation is there everyday to contact him. He figuratively held my hand from Oct-Jan., and then offered so much more after that. I know now it wasn't tied to reality, but it seemed it was, we talked about my kids, business, my H, his kids, business, ex-wife, ex-girlfriends (a little doubt about the ex before girlfriedns being appropriate) but I never wanted him to meet my kids, and turned down his offer of meeting his. That isn't reality. When I saw him, we weren't interrupted a dozen times by kids or the phone--he let it ring...also didn't answer his door.<P>Anyway, I don't want to dwell on that, because it just opens those paths in my mind. Those of us with Christian husbands have wondered how they could have their affairs. I don't wonder anymore. It's just step by step and pretty soon you are way off the path, even though the right thoughts are also going through your mind. It truly is becoming "double minded" and "unstable in all your ways"<P>I've been dead set against giving my husband another chance. But more than anything, I realize, God is never dead set against giving any of us another chance. Truly there must be a point where enough is enough...and maybe I was there, but with this other person in my life, I skewed the process.<P>Guard is willing to give me another chance. And I have told him I'm willing to work on the marriage and give him the chance he has prayed & Planned Aed so hard for. And part of me wants to call or write the OM to...what?...get his opinion? I don't even know, all I know is the Harley "no contact" letter might be an option, but that is the only one I could allow myself. I also know that last year when Guard sent his "no contact" letter, she contacted him immediately...and they stayed in contact, not continuously perhaps, but often enough.<P>I have stopped the divorce process, but Guard is moving into a home of his own. He'll be moving some of our furniture out this weekend. I cry when I see him pack, as I did each time he left me.<P>I'm getting more clarity of thought, but confusion hits pretty often. The thing about confusion is that it is hard to pray through because I'm so CONFUSED! <P>Taking my thoughts captive to Christ. <P>Lor