My H told me he wants to divorce me New Years Eve now he's pressuring me on making a decision on what to do with our property. Sell it or take it over he said.

I haven't worked in a year because of school and I just graduated in August. I did a part time job to help ease our financial situation while I waited for the board of nursing to approve my application to take my license exam. I barely got a approved to take it on Dec 22 and they said it would take up to 4 wks to get my results. And now he's asking me what am I gonna do. I don't even know if I passed yet and he wants me to make a decision whether to keep the house and take over payments when he knows I have no money. With all this he's looking at expensive apartments to live in for him and he stated that he won't be able to pay for both and he needs to know what I'm gonna do before he signs this lease next wk.

I find myself emotionally unstable right now and don't even have the strenght to watch my 2yr old son and he expects me to have had a job by now and be able to pay for the mortgage. So my question is about how much time sounds reasonable to be able to get myself together and make such a decision?

I don't know of a usual and reasonable time, but would think you would need a few months to get your license and get a job.

More importantly, you need to be talking to a lawyer to protect your rights.

kam's right on the money regarding an attorney.

Your H's demands seem terribly unreasonable, considering your situation. Many attorneys will give you a free initial consultation. Give it a shot.

Hello,

Sorry you are feeling the pressure from your H. Not sure how long you have been married but you should go to a lawyer now. If you are sure you are going to divorce or not it will always be a good idea. Depending upon how long you have been married you might be entitled to spousal support, child support for the child if you have any, half his retirement fund and the like. Make sure you gather all your financial information and even tax forms. Knowledge in your friend. I am sure your H cannot pressure to make decisions for a matter of weeks to disolve a marriage of years. Try and remember that.

d1234 -- I posted to you on D/D. Boy did this post make me mad at your H pressuring you like that.

Get a lawyer if you can afford it. He has NO right or ability to force you to make this kind of decision in this time frame. Ugh.

What state do you live in? In my state there was a free manual and a class at the local community college on divorce and especially women dealing with a divorce. I know it's hard to read these things and take these seminars when you don't want a divorce really, but I think it helps to be armed with the best possible information. Check online with your state or county court system and see what they offer. Most states have this kind of free or inexpensive information and programs that will help you figure out your options and your rights.

Be strong. You are a star. -- USH

Depressed
I just discussed this with my attorney. My spouse moved out on me in July and signed a year lease with his brother on an apartment the thing that he forgot wsa his name is on all the deeds to the house which makes him responsible as well as me until his name is removed from the deeds and than the attorney also told me that if I am unable to refinance right now they won't allow his name to come off for a couple years. And because of him getting up and leaving me with all the bills I did get behind so I cannot refinance right now.
Another thing is the attorney told me if he waives his right to the interest in the house I should waive my right to his 401 plan and to even it out. Another thing is I have been marreid 17 years so I qualify for spousal support and child support and because I was trying to do the divorce myself I got royally screwed and beause nothing was court ordered I can't go back for the back child/spousal supprt. He lied through his teeth. So if you are really gonna go through with the divorce consult an attorney the first time is free and I found one that I didn't have to pay the $3000.00 retainer fee up front. He's letting make me payments and he told me I was getting screwed out of alot. I don't know if this helps or not but good luck. I know it is very overwhelming at first but it does get better.

Well, according to some of the settlement ideas my lawyer and I discussed, 6-12 months is pretty fair and common.

But I agree. If you're forced into this, you really need legal counsel to make sure it's fair to you.

I sat down and talked to my H a couple of days ago and told him that it's unreasonable that he expects me to make that kind of decision right away. I've been so stressed out that I got hives all over my body. I showed it to him and he backed off.

I also told him that I could not do anything to change his mind about the D anymore but to think about our situation. He wants out not me so if he's gonna leave he shouldn't make my or my son's life any more uncomfortable than he has already made it emotional wise.

He wants to be free so bad that he said fine. I get everything but the only financial help he's giving me is paying for my car payment till I get a full time job which by the way takes place of child support. That sucks.

I know I should talk to a lawyer but I'm afraid if I make this a big messy divorce that instead of him just giving me everyhting I'll have to split it with him 50/50...but then all we have is a new house with nice furniture.

I don't know the state you live in, but in California, you can get a property settlement agreement. My H wrote it up and took to lawyer. It cost $250. It specifies who gets what, and is legally binding, just like a business agreement.

Do not give up child support. Your H is still responsible for bills from marriage, and probably support for you until you get a job. Check with an attorney. Check the courthouse. Here they have a family advocacy department that will help you fill out forms and assist you with questions.

Your H is in the fog. Tell him you don't want a divorce and need about a year to decide what YOU are going to do.

Believer,

What is a property settlement agreement? We went on Sat to the divorce store where a paralegal will be handling our paperwork. She said that if I wanted the house that I would have to finance it on my own. I know I wont qualify because I haven't worked for the past year till now and its not even full time. I can afford to make the mortgage if I budget right but will not be able to qualify to finance it on my own...So right now were just keeping it both in our names which I feel uneasy about.

We don't have any bills except for the mortgage and two cars. He's taking one and I'm taking the other. We don't have anything to fight about when it comes to finances because we don't have anything. The only bill we do have is so small that I won't even ask him to pay for it because it was my purchase to take my nursing license.

Believer,

By the way I did think that my H is in fog and have told him that I don't want a divorce but he says right now it's for the best and it's gonna happen whether I want it or not.