How many times am I going to read that drivel? Talk about FOG! All of the WS who say the OP is their "soul mate" are DEEP in the something but I think it's something that stinks and is much thicker than fog! Someone here(?) calls it HUTA syndrome (head up the a** syndrome) I think that's much closer to what it really is.

WS, does your OP really know you? REALLY? Are you truly yourself around her/him? I doubt that you are. Has she/he seen you at your worst? Has she/he suffered the consequences of a bad day at work? (I'll bet your wife/husband has) has she/he seen the REAL you when some moron cuts you off in traffic? You have NOT seen the real OP either! She/He is on their best behavior around you, most of them are trying to be the better option (not possible though, they have no integrity and that alone makes them the WRONG option)

I think one of the first glimpses my H got at what he had lost was when he suffered a professional disappoinment while still in the fog. He failed to get a promotion he was hoping for. He told me later that as he was driving home and all that night he wanted to talk to me because I was "the only person who would understand" what that really meant is that he KNEW that I would have been disappointed FOR him because I knew he wanted that promotion, but I would NOT have been disappointed IN him.

There is no one on Earth who knows my H as well as I do, the OW didn't know him at all! She knew someone who was pretending to be someone he wasn't, was lying about darn near everything he ever said to her, and never gave her one tiny piece of who he really is until after the A was over. I think that she may have seen a glimpse of the real him at that point MAYBE.

Ask yourself these questions: Do I treat the OW/OM differently than I do my spouse? Have I ever been mean to the OW/OM? When I am in a bad mood around my wife/husband how do I behave? When I am in a bad mood around the OW/OM how do I behave?

Now ask yourself what would happen if you reversed all of that. What if you treated your wife/husband as good as you do the OP? What if you treated the OP the way you do your spouse?

When you are with your spouse you are the REAL YOU. You aren't putting on an act like you are with the OP, an act that would be almost impossible to pull off for very long if you lived with them. This is the reason that relationships beginning as affairs rarely last. What are the stats? 95% failure I believe.

You can't be a "soul mate" with a person who doesn't know your soul, nor do you know theirs.

Your spouse knows you. She/he knows you aren't perfect. doesn't expect you to hang on her/his every word, doesn't expect you to always be on your best behavior. Your spouse loves the real you, the "soul" the she/he knows.

Your OP isn't your "soul mate" they are just as phony with you as you are with them. You don't know the real person behind the affair partner and they don't know the real you! "soul mate" HARDLY!

<small>[ May 01, 2004, 04:27 AM: Message edited by: toomanylies ]</small>

Good post. All soulmates means is cheaters. I used to like that word, but now I can't stand it.

believer, I read about your last conversation with your husband. I also don't think that was "fogese" I think that was fog finally lifting <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> any more news on that?

When we think of what our "soul" really is it seems dangerous to choose an affair partner as ones "soul mate". I don't think my h ever said she was his soul mate. He did say that about me not too long before he tore my heart out. I do think he called her "Angel" which is rediculous! God doesn't send angels to scr*w married men!

Some Angel! She saved him from a woman who has loved him for a quarter of a century. She saved him from a woman who treated him very well but due to his inability to act with integrity, gave up trying to regain the strong emotional bond I THOUGHT we had all along. She saved him from someone who cares very very much about him and what happens to him and put him in a situation where he was basically alone. He was living with another, but no one there really cared if he lived or died. The "angel" pretended to be his friend in order to get what she needed from him. Angels are not selfish. Angels do not take advantage of people. Angels do not capitalize on other peoples marital problems. No, it wasn't GOD that put that woman in my husbands life!

She once said TO ME that she "lives by the golden rule" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Last I heard she was getting married again, I hope that when her h cheats on her she remembers that she did unto others.

<small>[ May 01, 2004, 03:03 PM: Message edited by: toomanylies ]</small>

Soulmate is an excuse to justify an affair. My WW thinks her OM is a soulmate. In one way she is right. She has spent several years giving more and more or her time, attention and energy to him. That would make him more of a soulmate because she chose to do that.

What is laughable is that they have never lived real life together. Even now that she has moved out, she lives far enough away that our kids can't visit her often, and she has a small apartment so she can't house them. So, she still lives the life of carefree fantasy land with her soulmate. Meanwhile, the kids are at my home where I get to deal with all of their problems, etc.

you are right. i used to believe in that and the good in all people. now i know there cannot be "soul mates"when only one of you has a soul. and it wasn't him.

I gotta tell you, I hate the term "soulmates". The word itself implies that there is this one person out there that is so perfect for you that you were meant to be together. Come on. The belief that this person is out there waiting to be discovered by you is a lie. The whole notion of a soulmate is a losing proposition for everyone. My WW told me recently that when we were dating that she thought I was her soulmate. Well, who can live up to that label??? No one!! When a spouse sees that you are not that perfect soulmate that they are looking for, they get very frustrated and disenchanted and this can really hurt a marriage. A soulmate isn't reality.

I agree...that term makes me want to barf. It's just a lame rationalization to cheat.

I also agree that there is no such thing...I believe that there are many people on earth with whom we can form a happy, mutually satisfying bond.

Soulmates. What a load of crap.

You have heard the expression used on this board haven't you? **ssolemates.

I'm the FWW and have been guilty of using the word "soulmate" for OM. The only person worthy of that name is my H.

Jenny

Here, here, TML.

The OP is defintely on a preditorial campaign.

The term 'soulmate' makes me literally sick to my stomach. My H called his OW his soulmate as well.

At one time I asked him why he thought that she was his soulmate and he said that they have a lot of things in common, the way their mind's work, the things that they like (music, movies, sports etc.). This is what drew him to her - her appreciation for his 'mind'.

Well, I'd like to appreciate his 'mind', but heck while they were exploring eachother's minds, I was stuck paying bills, cleaning, cooking, chores etc. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Kati