WH says he believes I want us together, but does not believe I want him to be happy.

I don't see the distinction and so am having a hard time replying.

Is this fog talk? If I ask him what will make him happy? or how is he happy with OW he says its "a feeling".
Then he just seems to dismiss that "feelings" are illusive and so they don't give you anything substantial.

I'm having hard time deciphering if this is fog talk or something I should be getting?

Help?

Re-read Rule #1.

You're trying to use logic with an illogical person.

It won't work.

This is EXACTLY why you're confused.

try this:

WH: I believe you want us together, but I don't believe you want me to be happy.

whitefeather: Yes, I want to be together with a miserable person. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> It is my life dream. You, with all the responsiveness of a Tickle-Me-Elmo with no batteries. What would you like for dinner, hon?

<small>[ May 09, 2004, 07:38 PM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

Most everything a WS says while in the A IS Fogtalk! You can respond also by saying

"your right, I dont want YOU the WH be happy, I want my H to be happy with me!"

Right now he is the WH and you cannot even begin to ratinalize with him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I found it was good to use theses confusing communications to get more information into just where H's head was at.

A good way to get more info out of him is to say "I'm really interested about why you think that, could you tell me what it is you MEAN by that?"

He may think you just want him with you period, that it doesn't matter to you if he wants to be there with you or not. I think he's saying he thinks it's more important to you for him to just be physically with you despite how being with you makes him feel.

By asking " what do you mean by that?" when WS spout confusing statements you put the onus back on them to be clear about what they really mean in a non threatening, concerned manner. They often learn things about themselves and their own feelings when they are questioned with caring. Good luck!