Does anybody have advice for handling things at work after one's WW has walked out? I'm incredibly preoccupied with the fact that my W is drifting away and I'm powerless to stop it, especially since she left me. I don't want to go on antidepressants, and I know in time I'll begin to get it together, but the days are so incredibly long and I can't focus on work at all. I have enough independence in my job that it can go unnoticed for a certain amount of time, but eventually someone will wonder what in the world I've been doing all these weeks.

GC

I know how you feel. I have also had a hard time focusing on writing my Master Thesis. What I am trying to do is just to force myself to focus on it for short intervals at a time. For example, I will try to focus for say 10-15 minutes at a time. Then maybe take a break for a little bit. Also you could try to do some exercises say push ups or sit ups in your office(if it is private) during break time. By trying to focus in small increments at a time I am able to get some work done and the increments will get longer.

Graycloud,

I don't know why you don't want to go on AD's but I would suggest that you reconsider.I have been on them since last October and they really have helped me focus and keep me stabilized with my emotions.

Dealing with Infidelity is a long,drawn out process and you need all the help you can get.I have had little to no side effects(gained a few pounds) and am very glad I am on them right now.

It's part of you now,this horrifying event and your wheels will keep spinning and spinning about this so do what Dr.Harley suggests.You don't have to be on them forever but I think it would be beneficial for you.

O

<small>[ June 08, 2004, 09:46 AM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

I sat around like a zombie at work. Then I went on anti-D's and just got promoted. I think you might want to reconsider.

I agree. I couldn't get any work done (though I work from home, so it was relatively easy to hide for awhile). I really didn't want to go on antidepressants, but I'm in my third month of this, and it really wasn't getting all that much easier. Sure, I'd have good days, but then something would happen, and I'd get really hyper again. It's not permanent; it's just something to help you get through what are quite possibly the most powerful emotions you will ever feel.

GreyCloud! We, the BS's of the world, have all been there, done that. You are getting excellent advice here. The anti-D's of today are way different than you might know.

I was on a mild 10mg dose of Lexapro, which has a wonderful anti-anxiety side-effect. Took the edge off. Then, I would work in small doses. In fact, I would do certain tasks, then get on MB and post. It was my "reward."

Rethink anti-d's. It's not a weakness, it is smart. Remember, how stable you can be for yourself and children, if applicable, the better you can Plan A/Plan B (whichever is appropriate for you at this time), and the better your outcome could be. That is the way I viewed it.

My H came home awhile ago, and I have since gone off the anti-d. No side effects, no withdrawals. And I am doing just fine! Better than drinking at night, or smoking, or some other coping behavior.

Lots of love and support to you.

SS

Thanks guys. I'm reconsidering but still not sure. Guess I'm still focusing on her rather than myself. I can't help being frustrated - she's in a mess and needs my help but she wouldn't take it even if I could offer it. Stupid! I'm trying though...

GC

The best thing you can do for her right now is to make yourself stronger for the coming rollercoaster ride ahead.

Trust us all.

SS

graycloud -

You will get thru this and life will be good again. And on top of that, she will most likely be back.

So I would get some med's to help you cope and not mess up your job too.

My W and doctor both tried to get me on A/Ds for years and I refused. Shortly after WW moved out I talked to my doctor and told him I was ready to get serious about it. I wish I had done it years ago, I might not be here now. If it weren't for the A/Ds I'd probably be laying fetal in the floor of my darkest closet now.
You might also want to go to counseling. My dope and my shrink keep in in the office enough that I still have a job. The sooner you start the A/Ds the better. Most of them take about 3 weeks to start working.

Gray,
Losing interest in something that at one time interested you is one of the signs of depression. Most BS have some form of depression.

What most people don't know is that depression is a progressive disease. Meaning it doesn't just go away. It also means that whenever in life you experience another depressive episode (say the death of someone close or whatever) the depression will come back stronger than ever.

The more untreatable episodes that you have the more difficult it is to treat. Depending on the number and the severity of episodes you can get to a point where it is treatablr but you may need to medicate with AD's for a verrrrry long time.

I'm no expert this info came from the psych that works in conjuntion with my IC.

I'd suggest Wellbutrin. I've also taken Lexapro. For me Wellbutrin has no major side effects where as Lexapro had sexual side effects ie taking forever to finish (seem ok to you right?) or not being able to finish (now that's a problem)

Go see a doctor today.

cwmac

I had the same side affect with Effexor plus some people have had seizures. I'm on Welbutrin XL now and doing pretty good. I wish there was something for the anxiety spikes but they are getting less frequent and severe. I also take Doxepin to sleep, sometimes it works, sometimes not.

GC--Put me in the Wellbutrin XL column. I wallowed for the better part of two years before submitting to treatment. And I should have known better, since I had been treating depression for years, and just stopped my meds shortly before d-day. In some twisted way, I blamed the ADs for not recognizing the signs of the A for the two prior years.

Don't waste your potential!! I was recently offered the "opportunity" to tone down my position to something more administrative and less managerial, since my emotional paralysis had prevented me from getting around to some of my key initiatives in the past two years. I dodged that bullet, and I'm so grateful that I'm being given the chance to perform to my potential on the job.

At some points in this process, your accomplishments in your career will be the most positive part of your life. Don't let the marital sitch take that away from you. You'll need the self-esteem builder!!

I have so much empathy for you. Listen to your fellow MBers; learn from their mistakes. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

--DT

Did you notice that Kobe seems to be able to concentrate at work? And he's running from one "court" to another! Maybe if we were earning millions and the whole world was watching, we would feel more obligated to put in our "honest day's work..." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> -DT

Graycloud, I want to share something.

When this all started, when he moved out, he left us destitute, and I almost ran out of food etc. I was not working, but just when things looked their bleakest, God provided me with a job where I am able to set my own hours.

Anyway, I have found that when I am overwhelmed and need space to cry or pray or sleep or think; it is not busy at work. Other times, when I need to keep busy and distracted, it is busy. Go figure.

Well, I guess my point is, God knows what we are going through, that we need time to pray and to cry and to think, and He will make a way .

I have a colleague who is seriously depressed and is unable to perform at work. I am trying to get him to try AD's before he blows it at work and in his life (drinking). Can you guys tell me what the beginning side effects were while your body's were adjusting to the drug.

I am on lexapro but I think Wellbutrin might be the answer for him. (he dosn't seem to want to discuss with his doctor.

Sorry to hijack your thread Greycloud. I do hope you listen to the suggestions here. I know how bad life can be when you are hurting.

w.

No apology necessary weav. W asked for a divorce about 10 hours ago. Fun night. I guess I'll look into some meds after all.

GC

I am so sorry. It sounds like you have been through such a whirlwind lately. My thoughts are with you. Hang in there friend. You can make it through this.

W