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Posted By: tabgip Emotional Roller-Coaster - 06/15/04 03:55 AM
I found out on Feb 23 that my husband had been calling a phone service and "talking" with women around the counties that we live in. Then he informs me taht he had a one time fling with a woman in the parking lot he met from one of these party lines back in the fall. I had thought everything was going ok until I made this discovery. I was absolutely devestated. I threw him out and he repented and wanted came home. I felt it was too soon for him to come home (I really was not ready). We try and talk things out but the problem is, I can't get it out of my head. He thinks because he can't see the hurt on my face everything is ok then when I have a break-down (because I have them at strange times) he wants to know when all this is going to be over with. How do I move on? I resent everything that he does sometimes. Little issues are big issues. I'm snappy. These characteristics are not me! I get so confused sometimes. Right now he is in there snoring away like he hasn't a care in the world while I struggle day to day just to keep a positive attitude. EVERYTHING reminds me of this A. Right down to the side of the bed that I sleep on. I can't stand who I've become but I do not know how to deal with it. I don't trust him at all and I don't know how to lovingly deal with that. We are both Christians and have a wonderful support group but I get really sick of burdening my friends. I could really use some advice.
Thanks a bunch.
Posted By: Orchid Re: Emotional Roller-Coaster - 06/15/04 04:40 AM
Dear Tab,

Welcome to MB. Sorry for your pain and suffering but you have come to a place where support to heal both you and your M (providing your H wants the same) is strong.

1st let's start you out by recommending you do some reading. Your H is snoring because he has already unloaded on you and you appear to stil be in the shock stage. Each BS goes through grieving stages also. Anger is one of them.

Please go to the top of this link and click on the concepts section. Read all that is there and then print out the EN questionnaire. If both of you can take it fine. If not you do it once for you and once as him.

Then get ahold of the books: Surviving an Affair and His Needs/Her Needs. Both are by Dr W. Harley. The 2nd book will help you best but both are good to read.

See if you can both get to a good MC or better yet, call MB and setup phone counseling w/Steve or Jennifer.

Recovery is a long road. Longer than the A. Resolution runs deep and plan for a bumpy ride.
But it is something you will survive. If your H is back as your H and not as the WS, he will survive also. Most WS don't have a happy existance as a WS.

Most BS survive and become stronger as a result. You have good options ahead of you. Recovery is in 2 stages: 1st for you and him separately, then together as a couple.

Pray for the a clear mind and a calm heart. Also pray for patience. Know that both of you need time to heal and each will do it in a different way. Your needs are different, your reactions will be also. They can either conflict or work in harmony.

Hope this helps,
L.
Posted By: tabgip Re: Emotional Roller-Coaster - 06/15/04 04:51 AM
Thank you for your reply. I know he is more than willing to work things out. He gets very frustrated at me and I just shut down. I will print out the info you recommended and read through it.
Thanks again.
Posted By: LoveMyEx Re: Emotional Roller-Coaster - 06/15/04 06:22 AM
I am sorry for your pain. Orchid gave you some great advice. There are a couple of websites you might visit. www.restorem.org Also www.rejoiceministries.org

I can only imagine the pain you must feel at your husband's betrayal and how thoughts of it torment your mind. I pray that God gives you peace, comfort, wisdom, and rest. My heart goes out to you.

May God bless and be near you.

<small>[ July 11, 2004, 01:20 AM: Message edited by: LoveMyEx ]</small>
Posted By: tabgip Re: Emotional Roller-Coaster - 06/15/04 07:21 AM
How thoughtful and sweet. Thank you so much for the links. I guess one of the things that has amazed me most is the number of women (especially at church) who have come to me and said "I know what you are going through...if you want to talk...)in reality, it is them who wants to talk. I hope that I have helped them out but I guess that is one reason why I don't want to talk about it to people I know anymore....and partly too, my emotions are SOOOOOO unpredictable right now. I may be fine and have a great out-look or I may be mad at the world. The emotional mixed bag of tricks is what is so difficult, and the images, and running the time frame, and....and...and....and.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> (see my emoticons can't even make up their minds!)
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