And I mean after leaving for another man.

Was wondering the same thing. My WW and OM fight alot. She has left him several times only to go back. He's like a drug to her. She can't live with him or without him.

My Ds went camping with them this weekend. WW and OM had a big fight yesterday and my kids came home and WW slept in her truck. She told the kids she was kicking OM out. Maybe she'll actually follow through this time and get through withdrawals...

My DV date is in 2 weeks and with this new developement, I'm wondering whether to hold off or not. Actually, wondering if she will try to postpone it. I don't know, but I'm tired of all this.

I still want my old life back, but I'm not sure if I could ever trust WW again. I don't know if she'd even ever consider it anyway. I guess time will tell.....

lost-without-her - Thanks for the reply. I am not really talking much with my WW anymore. I don't contact her. The papers are signed and the D will be final in 90-120 days. You will always be tied to your WW in some way because of the children so your situation is different. I don't know if that makes things better or worse. Your WW always knows that she will have some sort of contact with you. My WW may never see or talk to me again after this. I don't know which situation is better for reconcile, but I still miss my WW very much. That is the hardest part of this. But I miss who she was not who she is. In fact, I don't really like who she is currently, but I am sure it will wear off at some point. I don't see how someone can walk away from the "love of their life" and best friend without thinking twice about it. But maybe my WW is more of a cold person than I thought. It's good that your WW is fighting a lot with OM, but wouldn't it be nice if she could just finish it once and for all? That is tough.

I don’t have any numbers, and I don’t want to be negative, but I have read that the percentage of WW returning to work on their M after having moved out and separated from their H is very small. The chances of a WW returning to a M after separating for an A are also considerably smaller than a WH returning after an A. Once a WW has decided to actually separate to be with an A partner the M is usually over even if the A ends.

Juke, are there many things you feel have been left unsaid? I know that the looming end of my own M is especially troubling because I'm not involved in the decision, and because my W has communicated so little with me.

LWH - you can never have your old life back. I suggest wishing for a new life that's better and also includes your WW. I know it may seem like six of one, half a dozen of the other, but I believe accepting the loss of your old life and hoping for and working towards a new and improved one is a healthier way to think of it.

23down, you've bummed me out. As if the RAP/NCW crisis this weekend didn't damage the hope of us BSes enough! The truth can be hard to swallow.

Here at MB we believe we are following a path that is more likely to lead to success than the instinctive behavior most people - probably a huge majority - follow when an affair places a marriage into crisis. Helps me sleep at night...

GC

Lots and lots of wives go back. Especially here at MB. I think the statistics aren't as good for women going back, because many men go ballistic.

If you are following the MB plan, that is your best bet. If you notice welderboys post tonight, he and his wife are back together. Another is Luke, who started on the divorce board. His wife didn't even want to talk to him, just moved out. They are back together, and happy, and Luke never moved off the divorce board.

So hang in there, and have hope. Also check out the recovery board - lots of happy couples there.

And, Juke, another happy couple here.

You probably haven't even been aware of the ups and downs my H and I have been through. My posts are scattered all over the board. I never did move out but it's probably the biggest understatement of the decade to say I wasn't there emotionally just after D-day in October last year.

Now it's more a case of - OM? Who?

Jenny

KiwiJ,

Thanks for giving us a little hope. I wish you and yours the best.

I have read of those divorced, 20% will remarry each other. We don't usually hear this statistic in our divorce crazy culture. For those who have a WW or WH and are not divorced, they return at a much higher rate than that.

There is also a much quote statistic here, on this the board, that most affairs will end within 2 years once they come in the light. And I have seem where the OM or OW is like a drug to the WW or WH. Most marriages formed by affair partners fail miserably.

First marriage are now failing at the rate of 40%. Second marriages fail in the US 65-83% depending on the source cited. The more times you marry, the higher probability of the marriage failing.

What I get from this is work on yourself while your spouse is straying. Move on, have a good postive outlook. Be there for your children and your spouse as you are able. Don't jump into a friendship or relationship with a member of the oposite sex. Good things come to those who wait.

Haven't posted in ages, but wanted to offer hope.

My wife and I have been back together for over 2 years now. This was after her leaving twice and really hooked on OM.

I was ready to give up when she finally came around.

She remembers that part of her life as such a big mistake and says she was used and didn't see it.

Don't worry about the percentages for everyone else, You are the only one you have control over.
Not you wife, neighbor, or OM. Make YOU the best you can, and be patient with yourself and others

good luck.

Thank you guys! Just wanted some kind of numbers. I know every situation is different. Lately when I talk with WW (not very often) I can hear a change in her voice and the way that she talks to me. She doesn't sound happy go lucky anymore. I don't know if that means anything or not. I know that she will always remember our marriage and that it cannot be replicated with anyone else. We experienced so many first time events together and that is one thing that I have going for me. The second she starts remembering those things after her fun wears off she may want me back in her life.

Juke, any change in your WW's voice or how she carries herslf is promising.

I googled a little today and found a site that claims that 80% of WSes who have As and divorce their BSes come to regret their decision.

And then there's the old chestnut - 75% of those who marry an affair partner wind up divorced from them.

I assume these numbers have some credibility, but as a scientist I'd like to know more about where they come from. I think the book by Frank Pittman, Private Lies: Infidelity and the Betrayal of Intimacy, talks about some of these numbers.

One thing I have not seen is an estimate of how many people in affairs that divorce the BS wind up ending the new relationship but still do not return to their BSes.

Still, the odds for these relationships are not good; therefore, if we work to attract our WSes rather than driving them further away, we stand a good chance that returning to us will be an appealing option, in the likely event that our WS will become available one day. We hope that day comes, and we hope that it comes before we stop wanting them back and before we get divorced. But our power over those events is limited.

We so desperately seek reassurance in the face of the horrors we're experiencing, and it is out there, but it is slippery. There is always reason for hope.

GC