--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WARNING: The opinions expressed in this post may be controversial. They are based on observations of both MBs and TOW sites, not proven facts. You may not agree, but please be nice!

I went lurking on the TOW site. It didn’t affect me the way that many of you described. It actually provided me with insight and I came to a few conclusions as I read various parts of the site.

Here they are:
1. Some of the OP are there to share their stories and posts so other people can learn from their mistakes. Not all of these women/men intended to be an OP and those that were duped into the relationships carry a great deal of sadness and remorse for the pain they have caused.
2. However, some of the OP are serial OW / OM – the proverbial homewreckers. They are callous, cold-hearted, meddling people who care only about themselves and will not change until their hearts change. They are like the Grinch: their hearts are three sizes too small and until they have that life altering experience with the “whos down in Whoville” they will not change.
3. There are a lot of emotions there. Some are sad because of their losses. Some are angry with MM’s W. Some are angry with MM. The list goes on and on.
4. Some of the people that use the site need counseling. There are reasons why serial OP feel that way – fear of commitment, damage done during childhood, etc. There are others that are in turmoil and are deeply hurt.
5. The MM / WS lie to keep the OP involved with them. When there are two married individuals – they both lie. I plan to leave my S. I love only you. You are my soul mate. ETC ...
6. Although the MM/WS lie, most cannot leave their M, family, or S. Someone posted a comparison to diamonds and water: spouse is water (can’t live without, fill essential needs), OP is diamonds - I prefer the term candy (not essential, empty, and not enough to live on)
7. There is a predator and a prey in most As. One person pursues and the other person is captured. Some predators are OW / OM while others are MM / WS. Each situation is different, but for many people the A doesn’t just happen – someone must press the issue for it to happen.

Does anyone ever wonder if your spouse’s OP is a posting member of TOW?

BT

What is this site? I'm interested in reading a little more.

I don't waste my time wondering about the OW, she is too insignificant for me to spend my valuable time thinking about. Regardless of her reasons, she is not worthy of my time and attention. I know I am a better person who can look myself in the mirror and stand tall next to family and friends. She can not do this.

I do feel bad for the OW/OM who truly did not know the other person was married, look at the Scott Peterson case. Although the people in this situation did nothing wrong, they still carry around of guilt that they did not deserve. But I think that is a very, very small percentage of the OM/OW out there.

#7 caught my eye. "There is always a preditor and a prey in most A's. One person pursues and one is captured."

I have always thought (wished)in my heart of hearts that my W was the prey that was captured.

But she was also at the chat room (watering hole?)and had met other people (men and women) that she corrosponded with that were entirely innocent.

Then she met the OM there.

I wonder if the wandering spouses at MB would classify themselves as the prey or the preditor.

Prey, I would think.

Good post and observations BT.

k

TOW??
I know that place, I call it the "PERV PIT"!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

i hate that site, although i did find this topic enlightening somewhat. the one time i lurked there i wanted to vomit, and i ended up feeling 10 times worse than i did before i read some of the B.S. posted there.