Well, I thought we were in recovery and this week I found evidence that we are not. She was telling the truth about it being over, but that changed. The evidence I found is truly shocking and disgusting. It shows what a vile, depraved, piece of human garbage OP is. I do not want to know or be involved with someone who associates with a person like this. He could very well have an STD and have slept with whores in Iraq. It really is sad and I am sad for my XW in a way. On the other hand she has chosen to be with a low life and no one has a gun to her head. So, I decided once and for all that I want her out of my life. I do not want to reconcile with a person like this. I want to move on. So, I left her a voicemail which basically stated that I want her out of my life completely, not to call me, etc. I also said that when I go to my ortho appts I don't want her to look at me, talk to me, or come near me. Another thing I said was that is sad the kind of person she has become and goodbye. I did this 2 days ago and still feel good about my decision. She had chance after chance after chance with me and I do not deserve this treatment. The thought of her being out of my life for good does not scare me anymore. That's why i was able to burn the bridge (even though she will probably want me more now. that is the way things work). I know this is not a marriage building post, but I wanted to let you all know the bad/good news. I will let you all know if anything interesting happens.

I don't know what happened Juke, but I am very sorry.

If your current feelings are for real and not reaction mode, than you sound okay.

Hope you can go out and have some fun this weekend. Yes that's right FUN!

"does anyone remember laughter?"

Go out with some friends that laugh alot, this used to work for me in the bad times (and the good times)

Weaver

Juke -

Well, you've tried to save your marriage, even after divorce. So I think you can feel like you did your best.

Soon you can start chatting up some of those 20,000 single women, looking for a good man. And since you now know a lot about relationships, you will make an even better partner!

Juke, your effort has been admirable. No one can fault your new found point of view.

I think you'll be amazed at the view once you stop looking behind you. Best of luck.

Juke, wanted to add my support. you should be proud of how much you tried. i hope your future brings you more happiness than your past has.

Juke

You can look in any mirror and say " I did everything possible to save our marriage".

Carpe Diem, friend. All blesings as you movge out into the clear blue water of the rest of your life.

{{{Juke}}}

Thanks for the support! It means a lot to me. All of you on this site have kept me sane and I don't know what I would have done to myself or someone else if it weren't for you people. I have discovered myself thru this and that is priceless. I tried real hard and can look back saying that i did what I could. My life doesn't revolve around her and I realize that now. I also realize that there is much more out there for me. Bigger and better things to come. Life is a adventure, with a little horror thrown in. Overcoming the horror is rewarding to say the least.

wow juke I never realized your the same age as me.....and you had the same time frame of ager between me and my own wh except he is 3 years older.....hey if you ever need to talk send me a message and I'll give you my email....or if you have AIM....I'm on there too...

Sure MHT- My email is juke1225@hotmail.com. We are too young to deal with this crap. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

signed sealed and delieverd to your email...hehe

Good luck Juke, one things for sure, with all you have learned on MB, whoever you end up with with will be one lucky lady.

Hi Juke,

As I packed some of the sparrow's remaining belongings, I imagined getting back together. Just the logistics of removing her materially from my life and then putting her back were puzzling.

The thought of trying to have any kind of relationship with her struck me as very peculiar.

Now, I love her still and want to be married to her.

But what a royal pain it would be.

At least you'll be spared that.

And I will not eat my hat if we hear in a few days that she's coming after you...

GC

Juke, I don't know your story very well, but I did read the post recently in which your W wanted to reconcile. You were very excited, and showed how much love is in you to be able to take her back into your life. It's obvious that you did your very best. Now you have the opportunity to one day find a woman that you deserve. HUGS! CV

GC- Yes, logistically it is hard to pull off. That's why I thought her having her own place/ stuff was ideal for reconcile, but I gave her one last chance and she blew it. I think I still love her, but I am not overly concerned about her well being. She has not been concerned with mine, only her own in all of this. The fog has cleared from my head lately and I am seeing what's going on here. I have had enough and I am seeing her for what she really is, unfortunately. I don't want it to be this way, but it is. I don't wish bad things on her (maybe on him) but I feel she is creating a dark path.

I'm sorry to hear that you've come to this point, but you sound as if you're handling it well so far.

You've been such a strong guy through all of this! You'll do great on whatever road your life takes you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hey Juke,

Good luck with your new life. Congrats for taking this step. We all now you tried as much as you could. For that there will be no remorse from your part. Besides you have a long life ahead of you. You deserve to be happy.

By the way, Juke and missinghimterribly. We should start the MB youth club. I am a 26 yo. BS/FWH and she is a 23 yo. BS/FWW.

hey Juke...hang in there; nobody can know your turmoil unless they have experienced it....I have been in pretty much the same boat and am starting to sink...heading for shore myself; hope I will make it. Not gonna give my WW any more pleasure of jerking me around anymore.

Each battle we fight brings the end of the war nearer.

Juke:

Hey, wait a minute! I'm confused.

You said your xW was telling the trugh about it being over, but then it changed? What changed? On the one hand, it sounds like you found something new about the OP, and on the other hand, it sounds like you just discovered something about the OP that pre-existed. Which is it?

If your xW is renewing her R with him, then I can understand your reaction now, and I will join with those wishing you a bright fu2re alone.

But if it's something you learned about the "vile, depraved, piece of human garbage OP" that your xW WAS involved with, it might be different.

I hope that your voicemail message was compassionate either way.

-ol' 2long

Juke:

also:

"So, I left her a voicemail which basically stated that I want her out of my life completely, not to call me, etc. I also said that when I go to my ortho appts I don't want her to look at me, talk to me, or come near me. Another thing I said was that is sad the kind of person she has become and goodbye."

and:

"I will let you all know if anything interesting happens."

Why would you expect ANYTHING 2 happen after what you just told her? Drama, perhaps?

-ol' 2long

bumping for Juke.

I'm still confused after sleeping on this news.

-ol' 2long

2long- Hey. I have not been on the board much lately because I have been bummed out a bit. their R being over lasted about a week. I found out that she is seeing the jerk again and decided that I need to cut her out of my life for my own sanity. I still feel ok about it, but I am sad that my life has gone in the direction it has. I am just fed up about being lied to, played with, and everything being on her terms. She had many chances to really try to make things right. I wanted to take my power back and take the option of me always being there away from her. I can't go thru this anymore. In a way I wanted to hurt her for all the hurt and bad treament she has given me. That is probably wrong, but I also feel ready to move on. The reason I said I will let you all know if anything happens is that I wasn't sure if she would call me asking why I left the messege or beg. knowing her, she will just front that it doesn't bother her and bottle up more garbage inside.

Juke:

Okay, I understand better. Because you are so young and you have no kids and weren't married a long time, I do agree that cutting your losses at this point is probably the wisest thing. She's got a lot of growing up 2 do before she's marriage material, if she ever is, and you certainly don't need 2 take her on as a rescue mission. Like CSue said 2 me once, it's futile 2 try 2 rescue adults.

I just worry a bit because it doesn't sound like you're emotionally recovered yet, and so something akin 2 a plan B letter, without LBs might have been a better thing 2 send your message. But that might also give her hope. And if you have none, then it would be the wrong message 2 send.

best,
-ol' 2long

"Because you are so young and you have no kids and weren't married a long time, I do agree that cutting your losses at this point is probably the wisest thing. She's got a lot of growing up 2 do before she's marriage material, if she ever is, and you certainly don't need 2 take her on as a rescue mission. Like CSue said 2 me once, it's futile 2 try 2 rescue adults." Yes, you are right on with all of those statements. It is the smart thing to do to protect myself and my sanity. Life without her doesn't scare me anymore. She is definately not marriage material now and it will take years if ever for that to happen IMO.

As far as no plan B letter, she doesn't deserve one. She has given me nothing thru this so why should I give her hope? I just need to move on with this toxic person out of my life.

I didn't realize that you were still so bummed out. Take care of yourself. Like you, my marriage didn't last very long. It makes me wonder if there ever really was a marriage. Sure there was a wedding and all the motions were gone through but does that really constitute a marriage? Sure technically we will always be labeled as being divorced, but we don't have to let that baggage bring us down. You may have had the fairy tale life you thought you always wanted and you may think you've lost that main piece of the puzzle, but maybe that piece didn't fit quite as well as it should have. I can tell you now that someday you will find that person who will slip into your heart and will hold the same value to having a loving monogomous life with you and then your puzzle will truely be complete. Good luck to you.

There comes a time when enough is enough. It may not be the place where we envisioned ourselves being in but we all can get through this and with a little effort we all can make a better life for ourselves, be it with our spouses or on our own.