I want to move. - 11/13/04 11:35 PM
Hey y'all. I posted this on Recovery but wanted to post it here for more responses. Thanks!
I need to hear about experiences from couples who have moved residences after the A to get away from the OP. Was it the best thing you could have done? Or do you have regrets? Or is there any resentment from the FWS? Please, I need some input.
Some here know my story to a degree (CV, SS, BIJ, Stillwed, KB, etc.) in that SOW lives in my community and is NOT going anywhere. She told H that she did not want to live with her parents for long. She isn't living there anymore BUT she found residence (where?) in the area b/c she is still in church, kid still in DD's grade. She is single and I had hoped she'd have found another sucker and maybe moved out of the area at this point. No such luck.
OK, this past week has been rough. H has had some 'issues' with not having an emotional outlet other than me, had a 'meltdown' of sorts last Sunday. The week started rocky to say the least. Thursday's Dr. Phil w/ Mom2 & Dad2 knocked both of us for a loop. Friday AM ran into SOW taking the kids to school. F'ed up my day - was already still feeling 'weird' from Dr. Phil so it just added to my blues.
Had an A & R talk last night. No DJs, LBs, AOs. Went good but still it was emotional for me. Had a dream about SOW last night. We set the alarm early this AM for some nookie b/f our busy Sat. started but after the dream, the mood was spoiled for me.
Talked some this morning about it. Left us both still feeling "off." We rushed out later to get DS to art class and lo and behold! who is right there in front of MY house - SOW & her son. Cub scout can drive house to house - SHE HAD TO PICK MY STREET!!!! there are about 50 streets they service!!!!!!!!
I cannot take this anymore. Every time I see her, it re-opens the hole in my heart. I think i am progressing, then I have a 'sighting' and I backslide. I do not think it's something I can overcome. It's been 14 months now. This is not being rash b/c things are fresh and raw. I want to get out of here. Out of this neighborhood.
Harley has it right in that OP must be removed - EXTRACTED - from the lives of the H & W. REcovery and healing is HARD enough in the most perfect of scenarios. Add in OP being there - be it job, community - it only ADDS to the hardship of healing.
I want to HEAL. I want our M to HEAL. SOW is a deterrent. An obstacle. I don't care if people see it as weak on my part. "Who cares. It's not about her." I know that. BUT she is a pysichal (sp?) reminder of the A! I want all reminders removed! (i.e. his car was traded in months ago...couldn't ride in it - scene of 'lovefests')
I KNOW that moving will NOT solve OUR problems. We have TONS of healing and miles to go before we can say we are "better." It is about US. But what is wrong with giving us the BEST chances with the LEAST amount of obstacles to better our chances of healing. Am I making sense??????
PLEASE, comments, suggestions, advice, experiences NEEDED!!! Thanks everyone! MB has been my saving grace this past year!! Love you all!
Hugs,
Frags
I need to hear about experiences from couples who have moved residences after the A to get away from the OP. Was it the best thing you could have done? Or do you have regrets? Or is there any resentment from the FWS? Please, I need some input.
Some here know my story to a degree (CV, SS, BIJ, Stillwed, KB, etc.) in that SOW lives in my community and is NOT going anywhere. She told H that she did not want to live with her parents for long. She isn't living there anymore BUT she found residence (where?) in the area b/c she is still in church, kid still in DD's grade. She is single and I had hoped she'd have found another sucker and maybe moved out of the area at this point. No such luck.
OK, this past week has been rough. H has had some 'issues' with not having an emotional outlet other than me, had a 'meltdown' of sorts last Sunday. The week started rocky to say the least. Thursday's Dr. Phil w/ Mom2 & Dad2 knocked both of us for a loop. Friday AM ran into SOW taking the kids to school. F'ed up my day - was already still feeling 'weird' from Dr. Phil so it just added to my blues.
Had an A & R talk last night. No DJs, LBs, AOs. Went good but still it was emotional for me. Had a dream about SOW last night. We set the alarm early this AM for some nookie b/f our busy Sat. started but after the dream, the mood was spoiled for me.
Talked some this morning about it. Left us both still feeling "off." We rushed out later to get DS to art class and lo and behold! who is right there in front of MY house - SOW & her son. Cub scout can drive house to house - SHE HAD TO PICK MY STREET!!!! there are about 50 streets they service!!!!!!!!
I cannot take this anymore. Every time I see her, it re-opens the hole in my heart. I think i am progressing, then I have a 'sighting' and I backslide. I do not think it's something I can overcome. It's been 14 months now. This is not being rash b/c things are fresh and raw. I want to get out of here. Out of this neighborhood.
Harley has it right in that OP must be removed - EXTRACTED - from the lives of the H & W. REcovery and healing is HARD enough in the most perfect of scenarios. Add in OP being there - be it job, community - it only ADDS to the hardship of healing.
I want to HEAL. I want our M to HEAL. SOW is a deterrent. An obstacle. I don't care if people see it as weak on my part. "Who cares. It's not about her." I know that. BUT she is a pysichal (sp?) reminder of the A! I want all reminders removed! (i.e. his car was traded in months ago...couldn't ride in it - scene of 'lovefests')
I KNOW that moving will NOT solve OUR problems. We have TONS of healing and miles to go before we can say we are "better." It is about US. But what is wrong with giving us the BEST chances with the LEAST amount of obstacles to better our chances of healing. Am I making sense??????
PLEASE, comments, suggestions, advice, experiences NEEDED!!! Thanks everyone! MB has been my saving grace this past year!! Love you all!
Hugs,
Frags