Last night my W was here and told me she loved me and gave me a kiss, then told me she would see me before the end of the weekend. I cant take this anymore, this was not long after she told me they had been sleeping in the same bed now, but there isnt anything going on lol!! I couldnt believe she said that.

Ive gone through the house and packed up everything of hers and plan on telling her when she comes that it needs to go with her, that as long as she is at his house, I dont want to see her. My hope is that the look I saw in her eyes was real enough that she will deal with the mess shes created and come home, then start the recovery, but at the same time, I am totally committed to plan B, and taking care of myself.

Shes only been gone about 3 weeks, is that to soon to work on things at home together (assuming she moves back)? To be honest, I dont believe she will come back anyway, shes the kind of person who avoids conflict at all cost, the mess this A has caused is quite extensive and its just easier for her to stay there.

Sorry for the rant.

Steve - Sorry you are going through all of this. One thing you will learn is not to listen to what they say, but watch what they do.

My WH has continually said that he loves me, but has lived with OW for over a year.

Probably you should stay in Plan A for a couple of months. Just ignore what she says.

Plan A and B are interdependent. IMO it sounds like you might want to Plan A a little longer if you can. Can you? Do you have enough left in you to do it?

We push for you to do Plan A because Plan B without a Good Plan A is not as effective as one with a Good Plan A. Plan A sets em' up and Plan B knocks em' down. One without the other is just not effective and can actually be counterproductive.

Make sure you are following the Plan here verbatem. Make sure that you understand the concepts and how to put them into play. There is more than meets the eye to these concepts. As you will discover there are multiple reasons for these Plan A and Plan B strategy's. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Eventually, your own mental health will become the chief concern here and these plans will help you achieve a greater wellness. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

With all that aside listen to Believer and don't listen to all the fog babble that your WW is spouting right now. It's just all a bunch of crap that is designed to make the WS feel like they are really doing the right thing. Or at very least that they are still a good person even though they continue to willfully hurt everyone around them. Basically, understand that they have the mentality of a spoiled 15yr old. Through Plan A you will have to learn to exercise unconditional love for them. Absolutely do not expect anything in return! To do so will only set you up for a fall. Read the post in my sig about Plan A and how to think while your in it.

Remember that it can get a lot worse and it most likly will before this is over. Sorry but it is just starting. I tell you this because the more you prepare yourself the less it will hurt when reality hits. Knowledge is power and the more that you learn about the dynamics of affairs the more prepared you will be for anything that WW can throw your way. Know what is going to happen before it happends

Take care and Godd Bless,

Chris

Thanks for the replies, and Im not sure I can hold on anymore. I dont see her, or hear from her for days, then when I do its only for a few minutes, its getting harder every time she leaves and knowing she is going to his bed, I cant bear that thought!!!! I dont know if I can hang on with that going on, I want to, but its so hard, its hard to focus on me right now, I do what I can right now, which isnt much, but its more than before.
Ive told her this is hurting so bad and all I get is a "sorry", I know I cant expect more from her, and I feel like a DM most of the time, I want so much to just say "ya know what?, get away and I never want to see you again". I know that would only worsen the situation tho.

Though I am a FWH, please consider my opinion as worthy due to my experiences of BW's pain but the rebuilding that we(myself and spouse (FRAGS)) have gone through these past 14 months, so far. As painful as this must be for you, please consider holding onto plan A'ng your spouse for at least another couple of months. I believe you need to reasonably exhaust all that plan-A can offer (with the help of other supportive MB members)prior to resorting to the Plan-B approach.Through patience,determination, and God's will, it will become clear what will need to be done for you and your spouses future.

Thanks DFW, I do feel better today, I hate this rollercoaster ride though. I told her last night that I couldnt do this anymore and she asked me to basicly not give up, which I thought was strange, unless shes trying to have her cake and eat it to. She said she dreams of me every night and swore she wouldnt tell me that, blah blah blah, so I said "then just come home so we can work on us" and she replied that shes just not ready yet. What a crock.