DC,
I saw your post over by Kaastle's thread and I thought I ask you how are things going on the homefront.
TMCM
<small>[ November 21, 2004, 10:41 PM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>
hi tmcm...thanks for remembering me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Things on the homefront seemed to be in 'stall' mode I think....H wavers from avoiding the issue and basically pretending I didn't confess to betrayal, to intense anger and lashing out at me (this happens mostly when he's been drinking)...btw, since Dday, he's been under the influence more than not during his weekends home...last weekend he got in early on Friday, I was hopeful that meant we'd have some extra time to spend together, get some stuff out, talk maybe...got home from work at 5 and he was already 3/4 of the way into a drunk. I've learned there is no talking about anything productive when he's in this state, so i just kept quiet and watched him fall asleep by 7...same thing on saturday...by sunday i gave up and just kept quiet.
as you know, we only physically spend the weekends together, which leaves little time to spend talking or working on getting through this....I've tried to get him to open up on the phone a bunch of times, but every time i do he says, 'can't do this on the phone' and makes an excuse to go...
Anyway, that's about where things continue to be...he has asked me if i still have contact with the OM, and what brought about the end of the A,,,I managed to get out the info that i haven't spoken to OM in 7 months, don't want to and won't be talking to him ever again...started to get into what made me 'wake up' and end the A...he got real emotional and angry and wouldn't let me finish...threw some angry questions about 'specifics' ie, sex with the OM and then wouldn't let me begin to answer because he was just getting more angry and ended up walking away and going for a 'drive' to cool off...came back and ignored the issue for the rest of the weekend.
I'm hoping this long weekend will be a good one, he's made plans for us to attend his work Christmas party Friday night and spend the night since the party is being held a hour or so away...could end up being a good 'get away' or not...i'm hoping..
Thank you for asking TMCM...God Bless
DC,
I'm sorry that your H is hurting but as you well know, it is part of the healing process he must go through.
Have you considered the idea of writing your thoughts and feelings [regarding you, your H and the OM] at the time of your affair in a letter and then then giving it to him to read? You don't have to get into any gory specifics but you can include how the affair started, how you felt before, during, and after the affair; how many times you talked with the OM and met him in person; dates [if your memory allows it]; and what were the factors that finally brought about the end of the A. You may even end the letter by explaining to him that the sex was never the motivating factor in the affair for if it was then you would have left him to be with the OM. Remember that unlike you, he probably beleives a lot of the myths regarding affairs and it is important that he knows that you stayed with him not because he was your second choice but because you finally realized how much you loved him and did not want to lose him. Maybe writing this letter can be a very therapeutic action for you as well.
You and your H, as well as all the folks here, are always on my mind and in my prayers.
God bless.
TMCM
Hi DC, miss you!!!
i think TMCM has a great idea with the writing of the letter.