I saw Dr. Phil today. I missed the episode with you and Ed before today's show. Just wanted to tell you that you're not only *GORGEOUS*, but you carry yourself with grace. I was impressed with what I saw.

Seemed to me that Dr. Phil was intent on you getting over Ed, and those didn't seem to be the same principals as on the MB board, but at the end of the show he made it clear that you had exhausted every measure to give your M a standing chance.

I'm so sorry that Ed isn't the same person you once knew. That's got to be hard to swallow. He seemed to be self-centered and not trying to salvage the marriage at all. Maybe it was the editing on the show? Where do things stand right now with him?

Just wanted to wish you well. I admire you for putting yourself out there on tv like that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

CC

The OW is now on. [not Ed's OW] Oh.my.gawd. What a dimwit. This is not a very bright girl.

Kandi, I thought you looked just beautiful and did a wonderful job expressing yourself. It made me sad watching it, but you represented yourself with true grace, class and poise.

OH BOY!! Kandi just opened up a can of Texas whoop [censored] on that OW! Go Kandi!

You guys are very sweet! ML, yes that OW on there was CLUELESS! And what came out of my mouth was not exactly what I wanted to say about her daughter, but ummm, it just came out! oops! well, I dont know what the future holds for us...I am in Plan B right now...have been since Jan 2...My EI is putting together some conditions that must be met in order for him to come home...which he says he is ready to!

errr, I guess you saw the "LINE" whoops! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I'm on mountain time....am waiting patiently!!

I'm looking forward to watching tonight (me watching Dr Phil?, Ok just this once). They re air the show here on the west coast at 8 p.m.

P.S. I did see the preview M23B, Your a pretty lady and deserve better than this. Hey I have a single friend who would be perfect.... oh nevermind. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Mom,

You looked so pretty today. Your hair looked great! I love your gut reactions. That OW looked so shocked when you were talking to her. She needed a shock into reality. You sound like me, but you have more confidence than I do.

That last woman you are talking to right now (I'm watching) doesn't know anything about having children. We understand all you have been fighting for. She just thinks she would have left even with children, but like you said "she is not in my shoes". I am. I understand. I admire your fight. It has been much harder than mine. I have two boys and no matter how hard this has been, I am proud to be fighting to keep our family together. There are far too many people who, like her are all too quick to call it quits.

Our prayers are with you.
ng <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

She was pure Texas class! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks ng...notice how I didnt' have anything to say to her(that last one) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> She was clueless too! She is also 24 years old, been married for 2 years or was it three and no kids...She has no clue what she would do if kids were involved...and even not, why not fight? ARGH! oh well...I did/am fight/ing! I would never just give up like she did! I think there was more to that than she let on! me thinks!

csue, you should be watching now, right!

Kandi,

I waited all week for this show as I saw the previous 2. It was worth the wait!

I am soooo impressed with the progress you have made in yourself! You have come so far with all you have had to deal with. Two thumbs up for you.

You handled yourself so well. And, you did good not to claw that OW's eyeballs out! I have a little eensy weensy bit of sympathy for her...she truly has no self-respect to even be in the situation, and I hope she really does want to get out...but you did such a great job.....
I could go on and on...You Rock!

So much improvement in the most important place...YOU.

(Of course I already knew that since I have followed your story here <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ) . Keep up the good work.

Edited because me or the computer can't get it right the first time <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

<small>[ February 03, 2005, 05:43 PM: Message edited by: marriedandlonely* ]</small>

Kandi,

BTW, I meant to mention that your house is beautiful! I LOVE the way you decorated it! Gosh, you're pretty, nice house, 3 little boys... you'd be snapped up in a minute by some caring, sweet man! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

CC

Mom,

You get prettier every time I see you on that show. You have been through so much, but you showed grace and class today. My prayers are still with you.

Hugs,
Songbird

<small>[ February 17, 2005, 09:49 PM: Message edited by: songbird7 ]</small>

Show must be on right now over here on the left coast.

I'm still at work. My W is home though. She's watched Dr Phil in the recent past. Wonder if... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

I checked out the summary on Dr Phil's site though.

I realize this is a DJ, but... ...that 'nother OW ('NOW)? Looks like she kissed a passing freight train! (a TEXAS freight train, I'm betting!). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Dumber than a bag of hammers, 2.

End of DJ

-ol' 2long

Kandi, I was thinking while watching today's show (I missed the beginning, came on when you said "she's ugly" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ..... "That Kandi is stunning".

Stress makes me tired and ugly. Stress has you looking like a model. Now, I know, they do your hair and makeup, but they sure had something good to work with.

I think if you don't make it with Ed, you go back on the Dr. P show....one about "formerly married BS's ready for their next relationship". Their mailbox would be overflowing with potential suiters. I kid you not.

I know it ain't all about looks...but you've been through so much, and taken many kicks at your self esteem. I want you to feel GREAT about something, and today you showed it. And as others here have said, you showed grace too. What a package? Ed doesn't get it, sadly.

You say he wants back into the marriage. You know what you have to do "for you" for that to happen. Hope he can cut it.

Kandi, have you ever thought about modelling. Not all models are 20ish. Catalogues have models of all ages...pays well too. Think about it. You already have the video, you can burn some cd's and send it out to agencies (don't let them sign you up to PAY for a course....you're good enough for a free scholarship). And, the fact that you were on Dr.P probably is a bit of a marketing plus as well. If nothing else, your letter of introduction will be remembered. You can consider this whether Ed comes back into your life or not...that way you are independant and ready, should the need arise. That'll give your self-esteem a huge boost.

Anyway, just wanted to say KUDOS to you today, you did very well.

Wonder how Ed is feeling after watching it.

(just had a thought....parlee this notariety while the horse is still running, call OPRAH, tell her people you were on Dr.P...they know who he is LOL...and let her know you are ready to start a new life (with or without Ed...for even if you get back together, you are NOT the woman you were before...and I think you'll be much better). See if there is any show coming up that deals with women who've been kicked in the gut, but who are now ready to rise above it all, and be the best they can be.

Kandi, you're going to do just fine.

Kandi....
Wow...You are a beautiful woman and very confident!!!!
I thought you did a GREAT job! You made me cry though....when you were talking about the baby girl and saying that it should be yours. I wanted a baby sooooooo bad and if you know my situation....the OW told me that since I couldn't give my WH a baby girl then maybe she would. That just about killed me. I know your pain!!!!!
I agree with you.....you are better off alone than with a man who would treat you and your children that way!!!!

I taped the show and would love to send it to the OW.

Unfortunately, I didn't get to see the show, but I went to Dr. Phil's website and looked.

I can't help but wonder what the OW is thinking/feeling right now that you've said she was ugly on national tv?

One can hope that it will shock her into reality.....

Too bad I missed the show, but I really admire your courage and grace to tell your story to millions of people.

Mt3b,

Wow, just finished watching the show. You did great. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Quite proud of you. It was good to see your dad. Putting it all in squential order of what happened with your dad really showed how selfish the WS style really is.

So you saw the pix of the OW and we got to see another OW. Hm.... well it doesn't really matter what she looks like but your reaction was priceless. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

The OW on ths show didn't really have it together. She kind of alluded to the fact she had 2 other children but didn't mention being married???? Hm..... red flag!??!?! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> pattern??@!?!?

When you said her child should have never been, she looked shocked. Everyone (except the fogheads) knew exactly what you meant. Nothing against the child but for her and the MM to conceive a child deliberately into that environment (it was deliberate, she knew she was having sex with him), then even they (OW/WS) did not have the child's interest at heart. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

You know what is interesting is from what I have seen the WS takes a step down to have an A. They don't go for better, they go for worse. I told my then WS that I was insulted he went for worse. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Kandi, don't give up your stance, convictions and who you are. dadt3b needs to catch up. You are leaving him in the dust with you recovery and his backsliding but that is his doing.

Your 3 boys are learning one of life's lessons that no one should go through...... at this point it is done that they were exposed to such but they can still learn t/b good men.

BTW, you looked great on the show. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Aloha,
L.

I'm sure that when Kandi commented "She's ugly" it was a knee jerk reaction. Looks don't matter, whether they be the BS or the OW. It's what is inside that counts. But, the OW that was introduced was a poor example of a woman, very low self-esteem, she did not present herself well at all, and was outshone by Kandi entirely.

I too kind of cringed when Kandi made the comment about the OW's child. I knew what she meant, but it did come out wrong. It's one thing to write things down, where you can edit them. But in a conversation, and under the stress of the cameras, I imagine it's easy to put one's foot in one's mouth.

But for those two verbal errors, I thought Kandi did a stellar job on presenting her viewpoint.

Hi-ya Kandi!!!

I was sitting on the edge of my seat all day, anxious to get home and watch the show!

Kudos on the way you've kept your head up through all this!!!

My favorite part was when you said, "Well, I think I'm much prettier than she is."
To which Dr Phil repled, "Uh.. YEAH." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
I was rolling on the floor!!!

Your Sister By Fire,
Stacia

Hi Kandi --

Remember me? I purposefully don't go on MB anymore -- for one thing it's too addictive and I'm too busy, but I had to come back just to let you know what a wonderful job you did.

I didn't see the show .. I listened to it over my car radio as I ran in and out doing errands. When you said that WH can't get over this addiction, I knew who you were and that you were an MBer!

Even over that radio you "looked" beautiful, pictures I saw tonight on Dr. Phil's site only reinforce that.

I wish for you all the best … Dr. Phil says that you have to “earn” your way out of a marriage, and I believe you have. You deserve better.

I think this part of what Dr. Phil said (it’s on his website … and the pictures of Joi’s reactions to your words are priceless, especially the last one) is something that you and many BS need to take with them for WS who are habitual or have no desire to end their addiction and stop hurting their BS, their children and their family.

Dr. Phil has a message for both Joi and Kandi. "You will mourn the loss. But you know what you will mourn? You will mourn the loss of the man you wish you had. You won't mourn the loss of the man you had."

He turns to Kandi: "What you do is get to thinking, 'This is who I wish Ed was. I wish he was honest, I wish he was committed, I wish he was devoted, I wish he was all of these things that a father and husband could and should be.' And when you mourn that, you will mourn the man you wish he had been — not the man you lost. Because let me ask you this. Read this résumé: 'I will lie, I will manipulate, I will deceive, I will abandon and I will attack you.' Now, what kind of résumé would that be for a husband?"



It’ll will be 3 years for us since D-Day in May … and there still isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about it. . . my trust is gone, and I think it is gone forever. But atleast the triggers don’t hurt any more.

You have grace and style.

I’m praying and pulling for you!

way2

http://www.drphil.com/show/show.jhtml?contentId=3096_familyaffair3.xml

Kandi, how does Ed feel about being made a complete and total jacka$$ in front of millions of people? Did it ever lift the fog any? Did the lightbulb finally go on that what he's doing is NOT OKAY? As he was being ridiculed on national TV, was there any remorse at all or did he just squirm? Did OW just love the part about being on the tube or did she understand just how bad everything she's done is?

You looked posed, intelligent and simply great. Certainly blew the concept of the mysterious, beautiful, sensuous other woman completely out of the water. No Katherine Hepburn, that one.

Today on Dr.Phil you were beautiful, intelligent and articulate. I'm quite sure you were/are an inspiration to many BS's out there struggling to move on. Well done!

Kandi, I was so impressed with you on Dr. Phil today. The other women in the room with me were laughing at that OW on there. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I feel sorry for her little girl.

Kandi,
I was so sick yesterday that I was unable to watch or even get up and record the show. My friend who is divorcing saw it, though, and thought you definitely had it together. Anyway, reading through the comments, I see a focus on the appearance of the OW.

That seems to me to be besides the point. You don't need to be the most beautiful woman Ed ever meets in order to deserve his fidelity. He vowed it to you.
Cherished

I REALLY like that Kandi got to see the picture of OW since Dr. Phil pointed out she wouldn't know her if they were in a line together at a store!

Kandi, you needed to see this woman so you would know if she was in the same room with you!!!

How did he get the photo?!

Good for Dr. P and yay for you Mom.

I am thrilled for you getting all that nutrition/exercise support too. You really WILL get stronger emotionally, physically and come out of this as on strong, together, focused, healthy woman!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

MT3B

I'm never able to watch Dr. Phil's show, but made a point of it yesterday.

You did great! You looked great! Your demeanor...IMO, very admirable, elegant, eloquent.

I don't know your full story, but know exactly what you are going thru....even tho my children are grown, and OW is not pregnant.

I find I am still awash in a sea of indecision, and lack of personal direction. I hope to get to the place where, like you, I can finally make a calm, rational choice about MYSELF.

You are at that place. I'm rooting for you.

YOU GO GIRL!!!!

K