this is hat I just wrote my WH - 02/25/05 07:59 PM
I printed these off on three separate papers.
He's leaving tonight to 'get his thoughts straight" so I figured I would give him a head start. he's getting the kids from school and then dropping them off here. tell me what you think. Though, realize if I made a mistake, it's too late now. He's got the letters now...
Dear *&***,
Please don’t be mad that I’m writing you. I figured maybe, HOPEFULLY, this would make your decision easier. I have enclosed a Plan A, (if you stay) and a Plan B, (if you decide not to).
I want you to know that either of your decisions I can work with. I just will get in the right frame of mind and it’s off to the races. Hell, I did that 2 days after you said it was over in Jan. I can do it again. The cool thing about it now, though is that I know I can now be friends with you if nothing else. ( I still want to learn to be in love with you again though. Don’t get me wrong)
I know you wanted to be by yourself and think about things, but I wanted you to have my point of view on it all. I think that will help whatever you eventually decide.
I know I said it before, but don’t stay with us if it is just for the kids. We will all be ok. I will be ok. You will be ok
I am a very strong person and I can get through anything. The kids will always have you. They have both had friends that the parents didn’t live together and they all are good kids. Otherwise we wouldn’t have let them be with those kids.
If you need to write things down, DO IT. I know it sounds silly, but it has helped me a lot over the last several months. If you just want to give it to me or read it to me, whichever, that’s just fine.
I don’t want you to think about work, the car, or a new job during this time away. I just hope and pray you will think about you and me. Think about the happy times and the bad times. How we reacted to both. I truly believe we can get that back again, in time.
But Please, don’t come back without a decision. Not one of the four of us can handle not having a definite plan. We all need to get on with our lives. Yes, it WILL be a new one, no matter what you decide.
I love you,
####
Plan A
I would guess Plan A would be for you to completely end it with her, (NO CONTACT), and try and rebuild our relationship. If you pick Plan A, I would need you to be totally honest with me at all times. That includes if I piss you off, if I do something that you disagree with, I don’t know, right down to if you like dinner I guess. I will start doing the same. You know that for years, I always say, No, I’m not mad, because I don’t want to make you mad but inside I was. You HAD to have known that. That won’t happen anymore. And I’m not going to avoid saying something just because the kids are around. I guess I never did before because it always seems like I never got you to see my side of an argument. I just always said you were right and ended it. Much more simple that way.
Plan A would also include telling me if you ever have feelings to see other women. That is one thing I couldn’t handle again. I won’t ask you about the others, I think I can pinpoint them. I don’t need to know anything more about the current one or the past ones.
I would need you to answer my phone calls on the cell phone right away or A.S.A.P. I feel like whenever you don’t, I know you are with her or are just blowing me off. I’m sorry, but a trust issue. At least in the beginning, I have to know where you are at all times and be confident of that. I really, really want to trust you again.
I would also ask for your check, the whole thing, to be deposited into the account. I feel like, especially in Jan after everything was revealed, you would not deposit money in the account so that you could spend it where I couldn’t track it. Again, it’s a trust issue and you have to understand that.
I would love to have a date night once a week or so. Even if we are strapped for cash. We need time alone. We have never had that since the kids were here. We thought that was a good idea at the time, to include them in on everything, birthdays, anniversaries, etc., but I guess that was the wrong move. We lost our connection.
I think we can get the love back we used to have in time. I really do. At least I think so.
I guess that’s up to you.
Plan B
Plan B is that you either want to stay with her or you just don’t want to be with me. To me, both are the same. If this is the case, I know it will take time to get divorce $$$ together, but I would like it A.S.A.P. That way the lawyers can dictate how much you need to give the kids. Like I said before, I don’t want the Passat. That is going to be too big of a bill for me. And I’m guessing the house is mine because (like I said last month), I figured that was your initial plan. To set me and the kids up, that’s why you had me sign the papers in Dec.
Plan B would also include telling the kids what lead up to this. They are young adults and should be treated like that. Like I said last night, they are very smart. I told you that I would not bad mouth you and again, I say I won’t. But they deserve to know the truth. Maybe we can get through this without them thinking either of us are ‘bad guys’. This has to be as easy as possible on them. We will be ok and eventually just fine.
They have to know they can call you whenever they need to. Bryon helped Casey with her math homework last night, but I know I can’t help Bryon with his.
He's leaving tonight to 'get his thoughts straight" so I figured I would give him a head start. he's getting the kids from school and then dropping them off here. tell me what you think. Though, realize if I made a mistake, it's too late now. He's got the letters now...
Dear *&***,
Please don’t be mad that I’m writing you. I figured maybe, HOPEFULLY, this would make your decision easier. I have enclosed a Plan A, (if you stay) and a Plan B, (if you decide not to).
I want you to know that either of your decisions I can work with. I just will get in the right frame of mind and it’s off to the races. Hell, I did that 2 days after you said it was over in Jan. I can do it again. The cool thing about it now, though is that I know I can now be friends with you if nothing else. ( I still want to learn to be in love with you again though. Don’t get me wrong)
I know you wanted to be by yourself and think about things, but I wanted you to have my point of view on it all. I think that will help whatever you eventually decide.
I know I said it before, but don’t stay with us if it is just for the kids. We will all be ok. I will be ok. You will be ok
I am a very strong person and I can get through anything. The kids will always have you. They have both had friends that the parents didn’t live together and they all are good kids. Otherwise we wouldn’t have let them be with those kids.
If you need to write things down, DO IT. I know it sounds silly, but it has helped me a lot over the last several months. If you just want to give it to me or read it to me, whichever, that’s just fine.
I don’t want you to think about work, the car, or a new job during this time away. I just hope and pray you will think about you and me. Think about the happy times and the bad times. How we reacted to both. I truly believe we can get that back again, in time.
But Please, don’t come back without a decision. Not one of the four of us can handle not having a definite plan. We all need to get on with our lives. Yes, it WILL be a new one, no matter what you decide.
I love you,
####
Plan A
I would guess Plan A would be for you to completely end it with her, (NO CONTACT), and try and rebuild our relationship. If you pick Plan A, I would need you to be totally honest with me at all times. That includes if I piss you off, if I do something that you disagree with, I don’t know, right down to if you like dinner I guess. I will start doing the same. You know that for years, I always say, No, I’m not mad, because I don’t want to make you mad but inside I was. You HAD to have known that. That won’t happen anymore. And I’m not going to avoid saying something just because the kids are around. I guess I never did before because it always seems like I never got you to see my side of an argument. I just always said you were right and ended it. Much more simple that way.
Plan A would also include telling me if you ever have feelings to see other women. That is one thing I couldn’t handle again. I won’t ask you about the others, I think I can pinpoint them. I don’t need to know anything more about the current one or the past ones.
I would need you to answer my phone calls on the cell phone right away or A.S.A.P. I feel like whenever you don’t, I know you are with her or are just blowing me off. I’m sorry, but a trust issue. At least in the beginning, I have to know where you are at all times and be confident of that. I really, really want to trust you again.
I would also ask for your check, the whole thing, to be deposited into the account. I feel like, especially in Jan after everything was revealed, you would not deposit money in the account so that you could spend it where I couldn’t track it. Again, it’s a trust issue and you have to understand that.
I would love to have a date night once a week or so. Even if we are strapped for cash. We need time alone. We have never had that since the kids were here. We thought that was a good idea at the time, to include them in on everything, birthdays, anniversaries, etc., but I guess that was the wrong move. We lost our connection.
I think we can get the love back we used to have in time. I really do. At least I think so.
I guess that’s up to you.
Plan B
Plan B is that you either want to stay with her or you just don’t want to be with me. To me, both are the same. If this is the case, I know it will take time to get divorce $$$ together, but I would like it A.S.A.P. That way the lawyers can dictate how much you need to give the kids. Like I said before, I don’t want the Passat. That is going to be too big of a bill for me. And I’m guessing the house is mine because (like I said last month), I figured that was your initial plan. To set me and the kids up, that’s why you had me sign the papers in Dec.
Plan B would also include telling the kids what lead up to this. They are young adults and should be treated like that. Like I said last night, they are very smart. I told you that I would not bad mouth you and again, I say I won’t. But they deserve to know the truth. Maybe we can get through this without them thinking either of us are ‘bad guys’. This has to be as easy as possible on them. We will be ok and eventually just fine.
They have to know they can call you whenever they need to. Bryon helped Casey with her math homework last night, but I know I can’t help Bryon with his.