My Husband had an affair 3 1/2 years ago. We moved 6 1/2 hours away from her to try and make things work out and save our marriage. About 4 weeks ago we separated and according to him he drove down and got her. He brought her back her and they stayed with a Cousin of her's that had ended up moving down her. He swears he had zero contact with her until we separated. Now ,all of the sudden, he is unhappy with her and wants to try and make things work with me. I do not know how to trust him again. The fact that he cheated again hurts. The fact that it was with her again makes it hurt even more. He swore to me he would never even talk to her again, but then he ended up being with her again. If we do try again do we move to a different country? Are funds and financial situations are limited. I am so scared of spending the rest of my life being hurt by all of this.

Stormy:

How long did the affair last? When exactly did you move to your currently location and how long have you been there? Because these things would certainly make a impact on what I decided to do.

I feel so bad for you, because addition to the misplace trust issues from the 1st A...now to add insult to injury if you DO take him back now you are going to be worried that everytime things aren't going good between u that he is going to go to someone else and that is just NOT fair.

That is exactly how I feel and exactly what I am afraid of. We have been together almost 6 years. We have a 7 m., a 2 year old, and a 3 year old together. The affair was 3 1/2 years ago. As far as I know it only lasted about 4 months. According to him he has had no contact withher until we just seperated. He said he does not like being alone and he knew if she was single that she would take him back in a heart beat. He said he went back to her because it was easy. I thought moving would put an end to it, but obviously I was wrong. And he lies so much I am not even for sure what to really believe. He has had one night stands, etc. before ,but this is the only relationship affair as far as I know. I wish I was strong enough to just stop caring about him and end it , but I so badly want to try and make our marriage work. feel like I must be insane to still want to try and at the same time I am so scared of being hurt again.

Sorry, I meant 4 weeks, not 4 months.

Wow stormy, I have children too and I know how painful this is for you to be going through this. Is it possible that your H has some sort of sexual addition?

Are you in a position to be able to support yourself financially? or would your family be willing to help you, if you decided to leave? At this point I would do some soul searching and find out what it is that I really want. What is important to me BEFORE I took him back. I wouldn't be quick to take him back, sounds like he is use to getting his way a bit too much.

A 4-wk A 31/2 yrs ago <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Sounds like someone isn't coming clean about the A. As far as moving to another country...there are women EVERY where so that isn't an answer. Believe me I wish I could tell you a plan that worked for me but I'm where you are trying to figure this mess out and how I can live w/o collecting to much collateral damage myself. But I hope this helps. Or if nothing else my post will keep this topic fresh so that someone else that has "been there done that" can offer better advise. Have you been reading information available on MB (not the discussion forums?)

I appreciate the advice. I have been reading the site. I think I am going to send off for his book. And I definitely question what all he is sharing with me and what he is hiding or lying about.

I appreciate the advice. I have been reading the site. I think I am going to send off for his book. And I definitely question what all he is sharing with me and what he is hiding or lying about.