Hello everyone - thought this may be of interest.
1. No eye contact. His eyes will look away. I fhte room has a means of egress -thats were they'll look.
2. Crossing of arms and/or legs ( a protective instinct)
3. The pupils of the eyes will narrow. Lying is stressful.
4. Hands on the face, sepecially the mouth. They are covering the lie.
5. Taling fast. Aliar wants to get it over with.
6. Someitmes the head will nod "no" when answering a "yes" question or visa versa. This is a subconsious movement.
7. Mispronouncing the words or mubling. A liar thinks he is not lying when he pronounces words incorrectly or mumbles.
8. Overstated friendlieness/laughing. He wants you to believe and he wats you to like him so you will believe him.
How NOT to be lied to:
1.sit in the higher chair.
2. Uncross your legs and open your arms - lean back. Make yourself open to them.
3. Ask for minute details (a challange to the liar)
4. Don't ever tell them what you do know -don't point out.
5. Invade their personal space. Get close, they'll get uncomfortable ( good0.
6. Mimic their posture and movements.. be subtle This establishes a rapport abd they'll never figure it out.
7. Speak in their style. Listen to how they think. If the person says thing slike "I hear ya!" or that sound good", you'll know he thinks auditorially or with his ears. If he says "I shoulda seen it comin" or I SEE what you mean, you'll know he is visually oriented. If he says things tlike "It HIT me like a tone of bricks" or "I just froze in my tracks", you'll j=know he thinks by feelings. Speak to him the same way.
8. Give em and "out". You gotta make it easy for themto tell the truth. Pretend you didn't hear them correctly or tell them you didn't understand what they said. Always leave a way out so they recant their words and tell the truth.
9. Stay calm. Never show suprise or shock. Treat everything they say with the same importance. The first time you react negatively you will lose any chance of being told the truth.
A technique that works with my kids is to ask how they did something. Then...they almost always spill the beans inadvertantly.
Here's an example: Last week, my daughter came and told me that one of her earrings was missing. She suspected her twin of taking it. But..her twin denied that she did. A lot of "tell the truth" querying didn't get us anywhere.
So, I asked my daughter how she was able to get the earrings off of the shelf they were on. She said that she climbed up on a stool and then reached "way up."
Needless to say...we knew who took the earrings.
Also - if you ask someone a question and then they repeat it before they answer.
Example:
Me: "Honey, did you like the fruitcake I made?"
Hubby: "Did I like the fruitcake?" pause... "Why yes, that was the best fruitcake EVER!!!"
Realtor,
From what I have learned in my business is that you are right on!
I know that the officers are trained in this, and after 17 years of working with them at the border, I have found out that they really know what they are doing.
This is a reason why you must never confront on the phone. You must do it in person and keep your emotions out of it. You must be able to observe like you are not even involved at all.
This one is good also. Especially with teenagers.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Ask a question .... something like
"Where were you?"
and the response answers a different question .... something like
"I was with Jane."
this does Not answer the question "Where were you?". It is a diversion....
Pay attention to how what was asked was slyly side-stepped by answering a related question.
Pep
I know my WH is lying when he over explains everything without asking.
Where were you? I went here, stop there, saw so and so because of this reason and that reason.
Yep! he is lying.
Andrew....Oh my gosh that's a great idea, I am going to try that. It would catch them off guard if you asked "how", instead of "did you?"
Good thread Realtor.
-Caren
This stuff may work most of the time, but my husband looks me right smack in the eye and lies to me. The only way I know he does it is I have the evidence. So there is absolutely NO way I have to tell if he's lying. It is depressing and frustrating.
NMMSGS"
"This stuff may work most of the time, but my husband looks me right smack in the eye and lies to me. The only way I know he does it is I have the evidence. So there is absolutely NO way I have to tell if he's lying. It is depressing and frustrating."
Same here! And to top it off, I've been told, "that's your problem", whenever I try to discuss trust issues with him. It's absolutely crazy-making.
I've been withdrawn for quite sometime now, and have my own system of knowing when he is lying to me... his lips are moving... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
Isleepwithacat
Isleepwithacat@yahoo.com
The eyes are the windows to the soul. Look there. Works every time.
Yes, I used the eyes of both my wife and the OM to tell me they were lieing. Plus I would talk to each of them seperate put as soon as I could and they would come up with different stories then I would give them time(1 day) and then they would colaborate and one would change there story. Mostly I got I can't rememberfrom my W. Must have been that fog she was in. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
When someone's lips are moving?
My WH typically
Yawns before he begins his lies..I did read somewhere that liers will do this or touch their face, nose, lips, etc. When they yawn they are buying a little time to give the answer they want you to hear.
If I asked where he was - it usually came out as another poster mentioned - who he was with..which didnt'answer my ? - but, hey he had his answer ready..though, it was the wrong ? - he thought I'd ask who he was with - not where he was..AMAZING..
And yes, if his lips are moving - he's lying...can we say- habitual lier..and yes, he too can look me right in the eye and lie to me..he's good, guess he's had alot of practise..
Funny, I'm the worst lier - he can always tell when I'm fibbing - I laugh and look away - turn my back to him..I just can't tell a lie.I think God's punishing me before I even do it..hahahhahhha
Mine does not look you in the eye, laughs, puts hands to his face and I know when he lies. I know he may still be in contact with OW. Less frequent but may still be. So I go with the attitude he is. I will not set myself up for disappointment anymore. We always find out eventually don't we.
Also, beware of the person that constantly answers your questions with "Why, what do you know" !! Obviously it gives away the fact that there is something to know!! Or "I already answered that (with a lie that they can't remember exactly)
My WH forgets what he has lied about- there have been more than we cna count. So when I ask a question again. I rephrase it. Keeps him off balance. I am getting more honest answers. Don't forget they are afraid to tell us the truth. Hence sugar coating of answers. I am making a list of ? I would like answered - next time he is being open and honest with me. He is getting like that - not always sometimes the fog rolls back in. I will keep the amount of ? short maybe 2 or 3 but its a start. First one I want answered and is very important is Did you do naything together outside of work ? That may open the door to more ???'s. So I need to make sure he is ready to answer that one.
Just thought of something that may be a GREAT idea for us BS to try. Next time we are told a lie. Lets try holding hand up like a stop sign and saying enough for today. Then walk away. If asked why just say I do not believe you are truely ready to answer that question now. and walk away. If pushed just tell them you believe they are lying. Another thing if they do not realize because of the FOG how they have hurt us -do they realize that they have done things they shouldn't or do they rewrite that history as well????
OK, here's one of the oodles of lies I caught WH in:
OW and WH's mother both told me WH told them he only came home at Christmas because I supposedly wouldn't let him talk to his daughters otherwise.
WH claimed that's not what he told them...
THEY must be lying to me...
or coincidentally they both must have made the same false assumption...
and WH actually expected me to believe HIM!
Of course OW and MIL 'believed' WH's claim that I had forced him to come home.
WH then told me that I wasn't allowed to talk to OW or MIL, it was none of my business what he told them, and "who cares what (MIL) thinks - she's a dumb old woman who's going to die soon anyway"!
(Yup - that's what he said about his own mother!
I will never forgive myself for not having taped THAT phone conversation LOL)
How did I know he was lying? (Besides the fact that I had never prevented him from having contact with daughters of course,) this is one of those no-brainers. What were the odds that both OW and MIL, who've never met (heck MIL still doesn't believe OW even existed), came up with the same thign to tell me?
The real puzzler is why the heck did OW and MIL believe WH's whopper? How did they imagine anyone could keep three teenage girls from using a phone to call their dad if they wanted to? LOL
<small>[ March 08, 2005, 05:10 PM: Message edited by: meremortal ]</small>
Hi Jimmy Mac...
Sorry, it's just a sarcastic way of saying that I don't believe anything he says.
meremortal:
"..."who cares what (MIL) thinks - she's a dumb old woman who's going to die soon anyway"!
(Yup - that's what he said about his own mother!
I will never forgive myself for not having taped THAT phone conversation LOL)"
WOW... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
RHM:
"Mostly I got I can't rememberfrom my W."
I've heard that one waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more than any other.
At the risk of sounding ultra stupid, is "I can't remember" almost always a lie?
Isleepwithacat
Isleepwithacat@yahoo.com
Isleepwitha cat -can I email you a question about e-bay?
Hi realtor*...
Sure! I welcome all email. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Isleepwithacat
Isleepwithacat@yahoo.com