I have always wondered if my FWW had a PA even though she swears to an EA. Let me hear from some of you WS's rather you did exactly this. Thanks

My WW told me for months that it was only a friendship. Then, it was an EA. Then months later, the whole truth came out. Broke my heart. It wasn't as much the affair but the fact I had tried to believe in her so many times just to have her yank that rug out from under me. You want so much to believe in your spouse each and every time. Now, she says I have the entire truth but do I? There are details that she is afraid to share because she's afraid of how I will react. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I need to know the "truth" so I know whether or not it is the "truth" so I can figure out if I can ever trust her again. If that makes any sense.

My FWW confessed to me that she had sex with a married guy in her office prior to us marrying over 20 years ago. She told me this to allow her to keep her job after I caught her in her affair. She said she was able to stop the sex with the married guy and still work with him and that was her way of convincing me to allow her to keep her job with her OM. I figured out later we were not reconnecting and insisted she quit her job. She finally quit her job to insure NC.

The point is though she kept that a secret for 20 plus years with me. This guy even came to our wedding with his wife. His wife was never any wiser and does not know about the PA to this day. I think my FWW was capable of having sex with her OM in the past and may never admit to it. She only admits to an EA to this day. Here I am over a year later still wondering.

TooSoon

TooSoon,

I saw your post and I just wanted to say ‘Hi’! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> It’s going good on this side of the world, although my H is STILL waiting for a court date (he is 16 months without a job now), but in spite of this, we keep our faith and looking forward! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I’m sorry to hear you’re still struggling with uncertainties about your W’s previous A - whether it was only EA or progressed to a full PA as well… But since your W kept something secret from you for more than 20 years, I can understand your concern…

I don’t think there is any FWS’s on these boards who were involved in full blown EA/PA’s (including sex) and still keeping the part about PA’s secret from their spouses…and those who do this, won’t post here… But you might receive responses from FWS’s who have lied about this previously but came clean with their spouses afterwards.

You told once that your W did reach the kissing and hugging stage in her EA... Hugging and kissing (or any physical touch for that matter) can be defined as a PA, so IMO your W was involved in an EA/PA already (although it might not included sex).

Take care and blessings,
Suzet

Hey toosoon.

Y'know a while back I remember saying to Brown ( LINY's FBW) that I always considered a PA much worse than an EA, but I realised that at least with a PA the bomb has hit and I can draw a line around the edge of the damage caused, however terrible.

With an EA, you hurt BAD but always fearing more damage... that may actually be worse than knowing your worst fears are realised.

Must be hard TS.

All blessings

Too Soon:

Unfortunately, I doubt your going to get many takers (from posters here).

Cause if they've actually stuck around, then for the most part "our" WS's pretty much Get It.
As a result they've come clean a long while back.

However, In the population at large .....I truly believe the situation you describe happens all the Time.

The majority of WS's ONLY Admit to what they are "caught" at and the BS already knows.

If the BS knows of phone calls and emails ....then that's as far as it went.
If its a hug or kiss that was caught ....then that was it.
If it was Sex, then THAT one time was the ONLY time.

So IMO, its very similar to this "is it" an EA or a PA.
To most WS, it seems LESSER of the evils to admit to an EA as oppossed to going "all the way".

Its the whole deny, deny, deny syndrome.
Admit to Nothing ....and then ONLY When given irrefutable evidence ... grudgingly admit that "that" was as FAR as things went.
No matter How Untrue what they are saying really is.

Hate it all actually!

Suzet:

Great to hear from you from the southern part of the world. Yea, I seem to always wonder what really went on beyond kissing and hugging, yet I think we are doing well overall.

The damage that EA's do is amazing leaving scars beyond belief. Iwonder if she would have just confessed a year ago, I would have probably shook it off by now. Oh well. Lot of new about Africa in the States lately. Tony Blair is raising some dough from George Bush for Africa right now to be sent to your poorer parts of the country.

BobPure:

You have seen it all and are doing well. I have read most of your post about Squid and I know you are a good and sincer BS.

Top Rope:

You said it all. "Tell me what you can prove and I will admit to it", says the WS. Anything less, I didn't do, they say. Good post, frustrating to hear the facts though. Thanks for your input.

TooSoon