Thanks everyone

I am a BS and I am going to keep it simple...

DO the honorable thing and DROP THIS NOW!!!!

I have been horribly hurt by my WH's betrayal... I loved him, I trusted him and he walked all over it all.... NOW the kids are with me in a little apt and he is not even with the OW who he "loved" so much that he left his family for her...

IT IS NOT WORTH IT!!!

Stop all communication with this woman, get yourself into counseling and tell your W what you posted here. You owe it to your W, the OW and all of your kids... you owe it to yourself...

I have YET to hear of a WS who was happy that they had an A! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Can't give 'us' direction but can give you direction. First let me throw out a few questions:

1. How did you come to find MB?

2. How is your M?

3. Will you be seeing this OW again?

4. R u ready to be a fulltime WS?

5. R U planning to tell your W?

6. R U willing to get real help?

7. R U willing to do your fair share of the work with the real help?

Please read the concepts section above. Then read the book, surviving an affair by Dr W. Harley.

READ IT. ALL OF IT.

Your case is not classic. The very fact that you were able to connect and have all the energy shows this is a fantasy and not real love. It will take longer to die because you have allowed it to grow in your heart and now your heart is not t/b trusted. In the sense it is not t/b trusted in making life changing decisions. Same goes for the OW.

Even though you thought it could never happen, it does and all the time. Take a look at all the stories here. Many are work related and what happens in a moment takes years to fix.....if not longer.

You are at a crossroad and already headed down the wrong path. Read the suggested info, call Steve Harley @ MB for some emergency phone counseling and work on improving yourself and your M instead of hurting everyone, includding yourself.

Time will tell if you are sincere or not.

L.

ORCHARD... Here are your answers..

Can't give 'us' direction but can give you direction. First let me throw out a few questions:

1. How did you come to find MB? Google

2. How is your M? its ok.. normal i guess

3. Will you be seeing this OW again? most likely not unless there is another company function. she is 1000 miles away.

4. R u ready to be a fulltime WS? what is a ws?

5. R U planning to tell your W? no

6. R U willing to get real help? yes

7. R U willing to do your fair share of the work with the real help? yes.

You are at a crossroad and already headed down the wrong path. Read the suggested info, call Steve Harley @ MB for some emergency phone counseling and work on improving yourself and your M instead of hurting everyone, includding yourself.

Call Steve Harley and with his counseling, your hard work, and a little luck, your marriage may survive this.

You owe this to your Wife and your family. You are what we call "in the fog". Step back for a moment, and ask yourself...."Could I really be this 'deeply' in love with someone who I hardly know, and does this lightning strike of romance really compare to the life I've built with my wife over the years?"

Could this woman be so "wonderfully your soulmate" that you would wreak utter destruction on your wife and kids, not to mention your parents, your wife's parents, many of your TRUE friends, your siblings, grandparents, and who knows how many other people. These affairs are not victimless crimes. You have no idea how far reaching the effects may ripple.

Stop the insanity now, and get w/Steve Harley and start putting your life back together.

For your sake, and for God's sake.

SD

You will get good advice, especially from many much wiser than I. Two things I can help with:

#3 You must not see or contact the OW again. You must refuse her efforts to contact you.

#4 A WS = a Wayward Spouse: the one who cheats.

Now, go do the right thing.

me62571,

You have to get help now. You have a wife that trusts you and children. If you go this route you will hurt your wife beyond belief. Belive me, my x-wife hurt me worse than my worst nightmare. You will hurt your kids and in the end, you will hurt you.

What you are feeling is infatuation. It doesn't last.

Make sure you get a pro-marraige counselor and be 100% honest with your spouse.

Keep coming back to MB also. There are lots of people here that can help you.

Thanks for your replies. Let's see what we can do now.


Orchid: I found MB using google also. Mine was inbetween many tears.

What do you mean by normal.


Orchid: So you may be seeing her again? In the same manner? If not, what have you put into place to prevent this from happening again to any OW?


Orchid: WS - wayward spouse. Right now, that's you.
BS - betrayed spouse. Right now, that's your W.


Orchid: Why not?


Orchid: Really? It will take a lot of soul searching, reading, exposure, plans and planning, working with a qualified MC, lots more reading, implmenting some rules guiding principals like POJA, RH, etc. Go to the Just found out thread for definitions.

There is help available to pass you through this process easier if you are willing to work with him. Let us know. We will give you the contact info.


Orchid: Ok. Got your commitment, now to put your life where your mouth just went. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

It won't be easy but you are stepping in the right direction. You don't have all your oars in the water yet, but if you stick with us, you will and so will your W.

Long bumpy road ahead, you can't change roads right now, want support?

L.

First I would like to say that you are making a big mistake if you think that she is the answer...but if you feel that she is truely your "soulmate" then she will be willing to wait for you until you work things out good or bad with you spouse. Finish one thing before starting another.

your wife can be and should be your soulmate

be honest with her, tell her what things you would like her to do to make you happy and ask her what things you can do differently also

if you are making her happy, she will wnat to make you happy in return

read his needs, her needs and save your marriage

me62571,

Welcome to MBers. Here is a link to all the acronyms (abbreviations) used here on MBers.

You have found the right place for help & advice on how to get out of your affair; overcome your attachment and “addiction” to the other woman and safe your marriage. This is to say IF you truly want help to stop your affair and save your marriage… One of the first steps you’ll need to take if you truly want this is to TELL your wife and stop ALL contact with the other woman. Yes, this will be extremely hard to do but you HAVE to do this if you want to get out of this mess and get your life back on track again… Also, this is the only way out if you want to regain your integrity; self-respect and “get over” the other woman. If you cut off all contact with the other woman, you will go through a process called “withdrawal”. You can read all about the withdrawal process on this thread (just click on the link).

Further you’ll need to understand that the other woman is NOT your “destined soul mate” or “star crossed lover” who is/was “meant for you”. There is no such thing. A person can have many potential “soul mates” and feel attracted or “drawn” to many people throughout their lifetime, BUT the day you have married your wife and stood at front of that altar and made those promises to her, you have already CHOOSE your soul mate and partner for life and have made a COMMITMENT and PROMISE to “forsake all others”… And “forsaking all others” also includes women you may feel “attracted” or “drawn” to during your married life (and that includes the other woman).

Here are some other threads you will find very helpful – it was especially created for people like you who find themselves in situations like this:

PATs Quickstart Guide for Wayward Spouses

Tools for the Wayward Spouse

Atruheart’s letter to WS’s everywhere

you gotten some great responses. you are in my prayers.

I hope you can give us some direction before I lose my mind

are you using this forum as a means of commuincation with eachother.....

It appears the poster hasn’t found the responses helpful at all. He has deleted his first post and just put a “thanks everyone” instead… Whatever that means… I have a feeling we won’t hear from this poster again, unless he decides to DO something about the mess he finds himself in… Oh well… <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />