I understand that the WS has remorse and issues but I’m the one screaming inside and she really has no clue how I feel! Do you ever tell them?

Well, you probably can tell them at some point, but I think until you have been through this, you have no idea.

I am both the BS and WS. I think you need to respectfully let her know what you feel. Did you ever have difficulty sharing feelings with her before? Did this contribute to your problems?

I told her how I felt this weekend and things went to Hel!!

Romantic----How long since your DD??? I am also a FWW, 14 months past DD. At the beginning of my husband finding out, even though he was hurting soooooooooooooo much, I was not very receptive to hear his cries, his despair. I was too deep in the fog to care about how he felt. I just care of how I felt. Slowly, but surely, I began to feel his pain, like mine and we would talk and I would listen more to his side, and he would listen to mine.

Its very hard to put yourself in the other person's position, when you are just so inmersed in the stupidity and sordiness of an affair. But after you start to come out of the web of the affair, you can see the magnitude of what you did. I look back and I cannot believe the things I said, I did, to my husband.

With my husband's help and support and MB, and MC, we are doing really well in our recovery. We are building a better relationship. Your wife's attitude will get better. She cares for you and the marriage, but she is also going thru very hard, crazy times , she needs time to absorb what she did to herself, to you, to your marriage.

Best luck to you.

Myrta

Thanks Myrta,

45 Days From D-Day

The more I try the more confused I get, she told me that she “no longer wishes to talk about it…but than shell talk about it? And than we get in to conversations I started on my other post Ups and downs during recovery where do we go from here?

Ok trying to change the name or my post to keep a single thread going...

Things started out bad Sunday morning with my WS; I was rubbing her and she pushed my hand off her, when I asked why she got upset, she said I didn’t feel like it. I made a poor comment how she’s been pushing me away lately. She told me I have issues & problems with work, I told her no they where do to what happened that I have a hard time understanding how she could make love to someone else? So you’re a saint that’s not me and continued that I explained it once and than commented “you should get your act together!”

Later that day we went for a walk and things got worse, when I told her that her comments about what I want for a special marriage “During the first week, I told her that it hurt so much because I thought we had a special marriage and now we don’t” She responded by saying there are many things that can make a marriage special but you need to find out what it means to you? So I told her that “I know we are both committed to our marriage but I want us to be a special couple again and want to feel special, as I know you do. I started to analyze all of the things I have said and what led us to where we are today, but it all comes down to is how we feel inside. I know from the bottom of my heart that I want to be married to you! You also reminded me that you can’t do what someone wants if you don’t know what it is…That was a profound and excellent point. So I started to think what I want to make our marriage special again! Thank you for making me feel special and understanding how much our marriage means.”

But she processed everything negatively saying; here we go again talking about it! She said why don’t just get to the point tell me what’s going on, can’t you just move on? WS continued to say you tell me you have some emotionally problems...spit them out what are they? I told her sometimes things bother me…She said “WHAT THINGS” I wakeup through out the night thinking of us and every thing, I have been crying for 45 days. I’m working on my issues the best I can.

She said “I can’t take it anymore maybe this (Us working on our marriage) isn’t going to work we have been trying but if you can’t move past this maybe we better split? I’m just not providing what you need and don’t seem to give you what you want?”

I asked why does everything have to be negative, I started talking about what I thought would make you happy; to know that you have been helping me feel better and find what I think can make our marriage special again. WS’s comment “I know you what to renew our VOW’s and I DON”T, I never wanted to before this and I think do so know makes no sense.” I told her “renewing her VOW’s only would make sense if and when she felt it would be right.” She replied that it’s not going to be this month or this year! I said “than I’ll wait.”

The rest of the night continued with how our marriage isn’t working and maybe we are not meant to be together anymore?