Pep, over here... - 09/28/05 05:07 PM
Hey there Pep,
Thought your input deserved attention. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Um, IMO, I didn't LASH out at BR. I didn't mind a bit that BrambleRose expressed an opinion that she thought I didn't like. Increasingly, it seemed to me, BR wanted the dialog to go only one way; that she would speak, I would listen, I would agree. It was seemingly not enough for her that I could acknowledge her without agreeing with her.
My problem was NOT the content of what BR wrote. My problem was that she seemed utterly to lack any interest in having an exchange of ideas. The combination of her "there is only one way and this is it" and her lack of engaging in any discussion unless it was further justification of her "rightness" - grated.
You know, there are plenty of people on this board who have written some very difficult things for me to read. So what's the difference? They share opinions. I am usually uncomfortable when people express the unknown in terms of absolutes the way BR did. I am uncomfortable when people are rude as I perceived BR to be. If this was a conflict of personal style, well perhaps some intended display of consideration and respect was lost in her offerings.
I tried to have an open dialog with her and tried to (at first) express encouraging smiles and humor and she seemed to have none of it. If you read further in that thread, you will see that I did acknowledge thanks to BR for her input - because I truly do appreciate that anyone takes time to help. I wouldn't have thanked her if I hadn't sincerely meant it.
I was glad BR initially contributed what she thought was helpful advice. I wasn't glad that she implied I was stupid and wasting my time for considering any other options and I said so, but I didn't lash out at her, nor was I upset that she had a strong opinion. For me, what's key, is that I consider BR's opinions to be - opinions. Not the one and only law as it should apply to the universe according to BR.
I welcome discussion and dissension. How would I ever learn anything if everyone told me how right I was all the time? I don't choose to welcome outright dismissal - from anyone. It's not strictly a BR thing at all. It's my choice. I don't think it's healthy to have only one outlook with no consideration of other (infinite) possibilites. I choose not to encourage intolerance.
Pep, I also choose to re-evaluate. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> On an on-going basis. If this was all just a big misunderstanding, well, I am sorry we experienced it. Perhaps this was simply a clash of our personal styles and there is a way for BR and I to interact without making the other uncomfortable. Perhaps not. Perhaps, but not yet...? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Time will tell eh?
BR? If you're reading and you missed it, thanks for the input you gave. I considered, I weighed, I acted as I thought was best for me. The actions I took also happen to coincide with your opinions of how plan B could be conducted more effectively. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Sally
Thought your input deserved attention. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Um, IMO, I didn't LASH out at BR. I didn't mind a bit that BrambleRose expressed an opinion that she thought I didn't like. Increasingly, it seemed to me, BR wanted the dialog to go only one way; that she would speak, I would listen, I would agree. It was seemingly not enough for her that I could acknowledge her without agreeing with her.
My problem was NOT the content of what BR wrote. My problem was that she seemed utterly to lack any interest in having an exchange of ideas. The combination of her "there is only one way and this is it" and her lack of engaging in any discussion unless it was further justification of her "rightness" - grated.
You know, there are plenty of people on this board who have written some very difficult things for me to read. So what's the difference? They share opinions. I am usually uncomfortable when people express the unknown in terms of absolutes the way BR did. I am uncomfortable when people are rude as I perceived BR to be. If this was a conflict of personal style, well perhaps some intended display of consideration and respect was lost in her offerings.
I tried to have an open dialog with her and tried to (at first) express encouraging smiles and humor and she seemed to have none of it. If you read further in that thread, you will see that I did acknowledge thanks to BR for her input - because I truly do appreciate that anyone takes time to help. I wouldn't have thanked her if I hadn't sincerely meant it.
I was glad BR initially contributed what she thought was helpful advice. I wasn't glad that she implied I was stupid and wasting my time for considering any other options and I said so, but I didn't lash out at her, nor was I upset that she had a strong opinion. For me, what's key, is that I consider BR's opinions to be - opinions. Not the one and only law as it should apply to the universe according to BR.
I welcome discussion and dissension. How would I ever learn anything if everyone told me how right I was all the time? I don't choose to welcome outright dismissal - from anyone. It's not strictly a BR thing at all. It's my choice. I don't think it's healthy to have only one outlook with no consideration of other (infinite) possibilites. I choose not to encourage intolerance.
Pep, I also choose to re-evaluate. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> On an on-going basis. If this was all just a big misunderstanding, well, I am sorry we experienced it. Perhaps this was simply a clash of our personal styles and there is a way for BR and I to interact without making the other uncomfortable. Perhaps not. Perhaps, but not yet...? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Time will tell eh?
BR? If you're reading and you missed it, thanks for the input you gave. I considered, I weighed, I acted as I thought was best for me. The actions I took also happen to coincide with your opinions of how plan B could be conducted more effectively. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Sally