At work I am the guy that most of the women here ask for advice on relationships. Funny since none know about my FWW's A...They all think my FWW and I have the perfect M. They did know me when my FWW moved out for two weeks and saw how I changed my physical and mental outlook to save my M.

Anyhow...There are a few women here who date alot and get that start of a realtionship fog/infatuation. They tell me how some guy that meet after a few weeks might be the one and that they love them. Then the relationship falls apart and they go into that withdrawel.

I was talking to these two women today during our break and told them that there is no way two people can be in-love after only a few weeks, and I felt that true love only comes after the new relation fog is over and you can see your partner in a true light. I explained how people mistake that fog for love and explained how that feeling makes people do stupid things etc.

Before I found this site I really didn't know what love was. People explained it here as a decision, and not a feeling. I could hate my FWW for what she did to me, but my decision to love her helps me work through that hate.

So what is love?

Love is hard to define for many people. Love can start with infatuation and attraction and then once the initial homonal attraction simmers down a deeper understanding in a relationship is allowed to develop.It is like when you are first married and are newlyweds. Your spouse looks sharp and sexy to you. Once you have a couple of kids you both might put on a little poundage and you may not look as great as you used to when you were first wed. In fact some days you may look haggard. I remember my spouse and I laughing one night when we had been up for 3 days trying to take care of a colicky baby. We both would have liked to have made love but frankly didn't have the energy. We smiled at each other and said let's just say we did and then fell asleep in each other's arms thats love. Love is holding the other's hand when you experience the death of a child together, or a parent. Love is understanding your spouse is grouchy and why he or she snapped at you and it had nothing to do with you.....they were just venting and you remained patient knowing they had a bad day. Love is holding on during the lean financial times and the times when you find out your spouse loss their job, was diagnosed with a terminal illness. Its saying you look beautiful to your spouse when they have lost their hair because of chemotherapy. Love is a gesture. An act where you put another's needs before your own. Love is a privelage that you should never take for granted. Love is enduring and gets better with age.

Texmex, that is beautifully true!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hemidart, I’ve once read an excellent book by M. Scott Peck – The Road less Travelled. In this book, Scott Peck have also differentiate and explain the differences between real love, romantic love and feelings of love. You can read the extraction I have posted from the book on this thread. It will give you much understanding and insight.

You can also check out the following threads:

The difference between The Fog, Infatuation and Being In Love

The difference between the Fog and Love

One of my many dictionaries defines love as:
"A strong positive emotion of regard and affection"

This one is an electronic dictionary published by Princeton. Without looking through the others, I have to say the key is right here in this one, the word "REGARD" or in other words "RESPECT": The condition of being honored (esteemed or respected or well regarded)

Real love must contain real REGARD.

My .02

There are lots of loves IMO.

Hemi, careful being the intimate relationship confidant of the opposite sex. Squid's affair started like that , so did many on here.

" My wife doesn't understand me" is the joke pickup line, but SO true.

Love is intoxicating. You want to be with the person, and that person makes you feel great.

I think you can be in love instantly. The test of whether love will endure is the willingness to:
1. protect yourself from getting to know someone of the opposite sex who could give you that intoxicating feeling; in the case of instant attraction, avoid that person if you are married

2. willingness to make decisions that benefit both simulatneously

Harley wrote a book called "The One".

Cherished

Most of have read 1Corinthians chap 13, that defines love Biblically. Below is the Message translation of the passage. If you notice, there are 11 things that love "doesn't" do and only 5 that describe what love does/is. I think a lot of us get caught up by the action of love when we should be focusing on the "inaction" of it.


4Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.

Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.

Love doesn't strut,

Doesn't have a swelled head,

5Doesn't force itself on others,

Isn't always "me first,"

Doesn't fly off the handle,

Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,

6Doesn't revel when others grovel,

Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,

7Puts up with anything,

Trusts God always,

Always looks for the best,

Never looks back,

But keeps going to the end.

Hemi,

I'll echo what bp said about confiding in the opposite sex. Both my wife's A's and mine started down that path. I believe that one can have friends of the opposite sex and should, just be careful.

God Bless,

Doug

Very simple for me..... to put your loved one ahead of yourself in every facet of life. Though life does not always allow you to do this. Sometimes love gets too heavy with the weight of betrayal added to it.

Luz