Okay, I want to get Plan B right this time. I have some business paper work that needs to go to WH. Some of it is insurance stuff that just needs to get to him.

I also have a lot of questions about our rental property in another state. I'm getting the statements from the property manager and I don't like the way they look. I suspect that WH has been verbally approving things for repairs. I also suspect that the manager is taking advantage of us. The figures are just not adding up. It's a significant chunk of change.

As a Plan B-er, what's the best way to handle all of this? My initial feeling is to write up a brief analysis of the property situation, make a copy of the management company's statement and stick it in an envelop with the insurance papers. While WH was out of the country, I wrote the property manager a letter questioning the previous statement but never received a reply. I don't know if WH spoke with them or if nothing has happened. It's enough money to make me very concerned.

Would this be a good approach or is there another way to go about it? Should I send it through my intermediary? I just want to stay dark but get business taken care of.

WH has also emailed me asking if DD would like to go to his company's Christmas party for kids. I have not replied. I did ask DD but she just rolled her eyes. I don't think that she thinks that she's too old but just that her dad should have the balls to call her himself.

I am doing this okay? I have an appointment with Steve in 10 days. While some of this stuff has to be taken care of before then, I want to stay dark, dark, dark until after I talk with Steve.

To me, the bestest way in the whole world would be to let an attorney give the apartment manager a little call. Nothing quite like a lawyer introducing themselves as such and letting them know their client has retained them to inquire into...you can see where that goes. I'm hoping you have retained an attorney for the possibility you might have to go to plan D. If not, please consider it...if nothing else for legal advice on your rights while separated physically (if not legally) from your straying spouse.

grapegirl,
I like longhorn's advice, spot on. You should also block his emails with a filter so you don't even have to see them or know if he is trying to contact you or not.

Protect yourself from WS manipulations.

GG
Can't you ring the property manager yourself to find out what is going on? If not successful then use a lawyer as a back up plan?

Re the insurance stuff, just post it to him, mark envelope if still in original envelope no longer lives here, redirect to ...WH new address. Otherwise put it in an envelope with no note nothing and post to him.

I agree with Lohnghorm on this one...
...if the $$$ to too much....

...make the correspondence purely business-like...
...and add a note at the bottom...
...("the above correspondence is being filed with my attorney")... even if you don't have one yet.


About time with DD...
...don't keep them apart, and make sure your DD honors both parents...
...it's the job of the child to do so, no matter what the situation is with your marriage...
...the only excpetion to this is child/spousal abuse!

Jim

I don't understand why you can't question the property manager yourself directly without involving your WH. The property is half yours.

The main thing is for you NOT TO MEET THE DOMESTIC SUPPORT NEED....That's essential when remaining DARK...meeting NO ENs....

Why don't you arrange some sort of communication system between your DD and her father? Her own E-mail account on Hot Mail or Yahoo? She can E-mail him, inform him of her new E-mail address and encourage HIM TO CALL HER..all without you getting involved in this directly...

I agree that for her benefit that you should encourage their relationship with each other..He is not healthy now and able to establish and maintain the relationship with her..She needs him and needs to see you as a mother who would help her maintain some sort of a R with her father...

Mimi said it perfectly.

Talk with property manager yourself. Encourage Dd to have positive relationship with WH.

an EN being met would be the following:
You siding with WH in presenting YOUR JOINT side to the property manager.

Your separatley approaching property manager will not fulfill meeting of an en.

But if you make an exception and say "wh, I understand your sitch. I feel the same way," and agree to jointly approach property manager would meet an EN.

see difference?

When I approach issues like this...as I am still in a sort of plan B after the plan D., I do that. I approach ds's school separately. His teacher conferences are separately. And I do not offer my support or help to xwh. But for all purposes regarding my ds, I am visibly there 100 percent.

Stay dark. Do the smart thing!

And your encouraging dd to want a relationship with wh speaks volumes about your character..plus at the end of the day it is simply the right thing to do. If and when your wh wakes up from the fog, he will see that and it will also be a huge to him...could be an aid in him leaving fog sooner!

Forego involving a lawyer at this point.

Refer to your service contract with the Property Management Co. It should contain a clause requiring any charges exceeding X (commonly $300) to be preapproved--and often in writing. You can also look to the agency clause for scope of charges and agent's duties. Then, simply call PM and ask for a detailed accounting of changes and copies of receipts . (Don't discuss contract with them.) Cross check receipts with what they are supposed to be doing...

....by the time your lawyer does all of this...you will probably not save any money anyway and it just may be that the charges are legit. or your WH approved them, so you will have to pay them anyway.

If the PM gives you a hard time, post it here.

What ever happened on this?