I have always heard it said that spouses are suppose to be best friends, but sometimes I wonder. It seems like while to some extent that is true, the way spouses treat their other best friends is different from the way they treat their spouses. For instance, I have seen my wife boiling angry at her best friend, but she calmed down and then managed to talk about the problem with her. Had that been me I would have gotten the full dose of anger.

So, why is it there is such a difference when it comes to the spouse? Why don't we treat spouses with more respect and treat them as a more special friend?

Read LB by Harley, first couple of chapters, it explains it all. My WW just finished and now understands and has changed her attitude from trying and cant give 100% maybe around 30 - 50% to Giving 110%. A lot of it has to do with you are aware of most of your S's deepests and intimate thoughts and feelings and you know what buttons or triggers to push/pull for maximum effect (read that as hurt), therefore you do more damage right off the bat and your S knows that whereas a good friend can be seen as making an honest mistake when they make your S mad. Big difference in perspective from the S's point of view.