Wow, you are one brave woman. You post on a marriage recover board that you are in love with a married man. You want to work thgs out with his wife.

What are you thinking? That she will just rollover and play dead while you move in on her territory?

Let me first say to you that I am a betrayed spouse. The Other Woman in our case was my Husband's first love. She dumped him. 25+ years she decides to show up in his life again.

She must have made a mistake all those years ago, too. She's been married twice, not happy in this marriage, etc.

TOO BAD.

He is Married. He made a commitment to his wife before God.

Now, you complain that she only wants her way???? Her Way???? Her way is God's way- one man/one woman.

You expect her to give up her husband to you because you made a mistake all those years ago? Honey, you must be very mistaken now.

You ask why a woman would keep holding on to a man? That is because what he is wanting out for is not real - it is a fantasy.

You think you are all that, right? That you and the married man will live happily ever after, right? You won't mind picking up his dirty clothes. You won't mind cooking for him. You won't mind that he forgets to call when he is running late. You won't mind when he decided to bang the next woman that comes along and says I made a mistake, you are supposed to be with me.

If you love this man like you say you do, your best bet is to get out of Dodge. Turn and flee from this sticky situation. Let him have the opportunity to repair this relationship.

You know one of the things that really got all over me about the A my FWS had, was that the OW praised him for being a good dad and a good husband, but she almost took that away from him.

I beg you not to do that. I can assure you from talking to other OW and OM (Yes, my husband was an OM) that the guilt will eat you alive.

Do you want to live with the guilt of destroying a marriage and a family? I think since you are here, the answer is probably no.

Now, do your self a favor and get completely out of his life. Change your number and your email. Move, change jobs, whatever it takes to put as much distance between him and you as possible.

You lived without him for years. I doubt it will kill you to go on living without him. The guilt will eat you alive if you keep this up.

Ditto.

Very well put moveforward.....exactly what i was thinking, but just didn't say.

Ashley,
I know you feel that you are in love with him, and you can't understand why his wife would want him. The old "When a woman steals your man, the best revenge is to let her keep him" line...

But they have children, and a marriage, and history as well. And I'm sure, love. Love you have clouded in his mind. The married man you are involved with is very confused right now. He is probably torn. You make him feel great, he thinks, now. It is all fantasy. It is not based in reality. He is not available for dating. If he doesn't want to be married, he should have divorced his wife before getting involved with you or anyone else.

As moveforward said, you are not getting some hero rescuer. You think you are chaining yourself to a rock. He is a rock of jello.

You are an interloper in their marriage, however your feelings and rationalizations may indicate otherwise to you. If they'll do it with you, they'll do it to you. He promises differently now, but that would make him in the .005% of cheaters.

He is in a fog. He is in no position to be making decisions or promises to you.

He and this relationship will ultimately bring you nothing but pain.

MSA

Ashley,

Let me tell you, as a FWW, this isn't something you want to pursue. He is in a fog and has no idea what he is doing. He is living in a fantasy world - thinking that if he just leave his wife for you, all will be good. When the fog clears, he will be devistated.

If you truly love this man, like you say you do, you will walk away from him. When reality hits, he will SO disappointed in himself. He will have wish he never left his family. He will realize you were a mistake and he should have stayed with his W and worked things out. As far as the kids are concerned, they would rather their family stay together than be torn apart! What child wants to see their parents get a divorce???

Sometimes the right choice is the toughest one. Leave him alone and let him work things out with his W.

Listen to these people they know what they are talking about. Been there done that. It is amazing what WS say and do. His wife loves him and just like a mother bear she is protecting her family. He is her family now. He will say anything to you to get you to do what he wants the same as he is doing to her. You do not know what goes on in their home when he is alone with her and loving her. They always tell the OW there is nothing going on. Let me tell you there is. Maybe she is not perfect but guess what noone is, She maybe his opposite, but opposites attract and the things he found so appealing have just gotten lost for a while. She will also start learning what we all know here especially if she is fighting for her marriage. Help out here quit the fight. Look at the statistics. It is not worth it.

Good Luck to you, but please end this now while you can and save his children a life of despair