She is extremely controlling...and has been very unfair and even cruel to him for years. She,herself had an affair on him first for years..and one of thier children is suspected to be this other mans. They were divorcing when she found out about me and suddenely stopped the divorce and is punishing him in every way she can.He feels so sad and guilty and depressed and even suicidal...I would leave if i honestly felt he were safe and would be okay there. I really would!
Hi, Ashley.
What is it that we can do for you here?
Are you here because you realize that what you are doing is wrong and you want help, or is it another reason?
All the best,
Gimble
And yet, he CHOOSES to stay??????
Ashley,
Do you seriously think we will condone your AFFAIR????
Like I said in your other thread, no matter the circumstances, it is still an AFFAIR. It is because you are sleeping with a married man. That is it. To call it an affair that it all the information we need. You are sleeping with a married man.
Now, you think that it can be justified because she cheated first, and they were about to get a divorce, etc. ect. ect....
It is an AFFAIR.
You really have only 1/2 the info. You have no Idea what his wife is thinking. Don't pretend that you do. You really don't even know what she is saying, because he may be telling it to you in a way that you want to hear. If you really love him so much, get out of the way. Let him make a decision on his own. He needs to be strong enough to make that decision.
Daisy
You don't understand...whatever reason they were married under and whatever reason they are still married, they are still MARRIED. If his marriage is that awful, why hasn't he filed for a D? You don't get it - this man has his cake and is eating it. Why should he change? He's got two women who want to be with him. Again...people have asked and you haven't answered this...why would you want to be with a man that can't make a commitment to either his wife or you? I know for a fact that the pattern will continue until he seeks professional help. You will NOT be the last.
Daisy, he is wimpy and scared. That probably means he can't make his own deicions either. I suppose that is why she is taking it upon herself to make them for him.
Im here because everyone who uses this sight is so against people in my position...sometimes there is a good reason for it..and i have learned a valuable lesson...and that is not to judge too hastily or really at all...I never thought i would be where i am. I used to be the one pointing fingers and telling other people how wrong they were. We all make mistakes...and continue to do so.
THERE IS NEVER A GOOD REASON FOR AN AFFAIR!!!!!!!!!
Yes, we all make mistakes. There is only one that lived a perfect life and He stated in the scriptures that adultry is a sin. There is no way to justify an affair.
If, this person was so unhappy, he should have gotten a divorce and then the two of you could have a relationship.
Two wrongs never make a right. If she did cheat on him, this might be what is called a revenge affair. He is using you to get back at her. No matter, he is using you.
So, you are here to stir things up.
If you are interested in the truth of your situation, then please read what some genuine posters have said to you.
If you want to continue in your self-deception, then so be it.
Do you want help or not?
Gimble
You are justifying. Both of you are saying whatever needs to be said to make yourselves feel better about the h*ll you are putting his wife and all the kids through.
Seriously...what are you looking for from us? Are you expecting us to say, "Ooooohhh...NOW it makes sense!"
Again, no matter what the justification, it is an affair. Nothing more and nothing less.
`Um...yes! that sounds good...People actually understanding my point of view.
I guarantee you, he is NOT a prisoner in his marriage! He just wants you to think so. I'm sure it's pretty convincing.
The fact is, no matter how you slice it, HE'S STILL THERE, and VERY married!
And you say he's suicidal. Is THAT the reason you want to be with him? The fact that he has become "suicidal" and STILL stayed, speaks volumes!! As far as his guilt and depression, it's called SHAME!! There is a reason he's feeling this way.
If his wife cheated "first", that was his chance to divorce, yet, he didn't? Why? And why is he cheating, HMMM...maybe to get back at her? To make some point? Think about this. Seriously.
I know you are a real person, with real feelings, and that you some how by accident, got absorbed in this mess. But you might have some bigger things to explain to your children, someday, other than why isn't Daddy here with us. And this isn't the wife's fault. For the sake of your children, put some true thought on this! And, also, do this for yourself. This can't be good for you, either! Do you want to live like this, forever?
Please take care of what's rightfully yours, and nothing else.
Jennifer68
I DO understand your point of view. I am a FWW and I have used all the same lines & justifications you two are using. That is why I am still here talking to you in the middle of the night about it. A cheater is a liar. I know because I was one. I also learned that when I was a cheater I lied to my parents, children, employer and anyone else who cares and loves me. To this day I live with regret and remose for those I hurt. Not just my spouse but my KID, too! What kind of example was I setting for him? I was teaching him how to lie, cheat, manipulate and be a person with no integrity. That's something for a mom to be proud of.
You have many people here who understand you...that's why so many people are still responding to you and giving you great advice. We have all been in your shoes - in some way or other.
He is TRYING to divorce this person..it is in progress...BUT she keeps on TRYING anyways. And the only reason he did'nt leave her after her affair is because of the kids. He was planning his suicide BEFORE we started relations...I have proof of that.
I think you will find better support on a site called gloryb.com. They have been in your situation, and even THEY will tell you the real deal!
Good Luck!
so why are you here?
If he was getting a divorce, why couldn't you wait until the divorce was final to renew the relationship?
why indulge in an affair?
you know several people have asked you questions, but you just keep justifying your actions.
Let me guess...your proof is because he told you so. Just like he told you he never loved his wife. Just like he's told you that if you could just be together, everything will be perfect. Just like he's told you that his W if a manipulative, controlling woman who just doesn't understand his needs like you do.
HE'S LYING TO YOU JUST LIKE HE'S LYING TO HIS WIFE AND KIDS.
You have a real man of integrity on your hands. No wonder you want to fight for him.
hey Flukette, want to meet and chat over some barbque?
My proof is only every one of his family members and friends!!!!!!!!!
Have you talked to each one of them personally?
Yes, I have. And,each person gives the exact same story.
hmmm,that would probably be because he told them the same story, DUH
But, doy, even his wife is in agreement and admits to most of it.
Of course they are giving the same story...he's justifying his actions to everyone with the same excuses.
So...what excuses do you think he'll give you when he cheats on you?
Ashley,
You have not given enough information.
You have 3 threads.
If you are serious then let us know what is up. You have children with MM? How many and when? Why did he not commit you you?
He married when you were PHYSICALLY separated? What was that all about?
Do you feel he cheated on you and married her?
I dunno. I don't have enough info to even comment on your situation. Well maybe one or two comments. LOL.
Why would you want someone with whom you had children, that made a SERIOUS commitment to another woman, to the point of MARRIAGE?
I would so be about my kids, and giving them a healthy life, cause this guy did NOT commit to you and committed to someone else. Permanently. At least in God's eyes.
That is all I have to say until I hear the whole story. And do not judge your MM's wife by what your MM says. You might not be hearing the truth.
God Bless,
Love in Christ,
Miss M
He knows he does'nt have to give me any excuses, If i'm not enough for him, he has my full permission to go out and get what he needs. I'm not just saying that...he does with her when he has to...and i've even offered him up a friend when i was not available for awhile.
I HOPE THAT ALL OF YOU CAN SEE JUST HOW PERSISTENT I AM. I WILL NEVER WALK AWAY FROM MY BEST FRIEND.
gloryb.com....(pink board)
C'mon people, this is a classic forum troll. He/She is throwing enough flame to get your collective panties bunched up. Don't feed the troll and it will go away...
I've read all the posts about your situation with great sadness. Sad for you, sad for him, sad for his wife and all the kids involved.
I don't have any sage advice. Nothing to say to you that the others haven't said and, nothing that you are going to listen to and act on. Sadly, I think you want the people here to feel sorry for you and to feel your pain.
The people here feel that pain that men and women like you cause. The bottom line is that as long as he and she are married, he is committed by law to the marriage. He has not made a committment to you no matter how much you try to justify what you have done and are doing.
I've been on this earth long enough and I've made enough mistakes to realize that for every action there is a consequence. As a Christian I have learned that God forgives the sin but you still may have to deal with the consequences.
You lived without your "soul mate" for the length of time that you two broke up and he met and married someone else. You can move on with your life and allow him the time to make a rational decision without outside influence. Then, if he does come to you you'll know it's because that's where he wants to be, not where it's easy to be.
I know you think he's trapped in a horrible marriage and you want to rescue him from it but, unfortunately, you've also been told on this site that chances are quite likely that when the two of you do finally get together (if that happens) when "life" sets in, you might be posting on this site about the affair he is having on you rather than with you.
Just something to think about.
It would be best for all involved for you to end all contact with him and let him decide what he wants without your involvement. Then if he decides to end his marriage and follows through with the DV, then and only then will any relationship with him have any chance. If you stay during this time it will only have a negative effect for everyone and the blame and guilt will live on.
What you are living now is similar to a bygamist lifestyle. Two women sharing a man between two households each with children. That is just very yucky. End it now.
This is a very immoral example to set for your poor children. What a shame. Let him go, if he DV's then you can consider reconnecting after a time. It would even be best to have a bit of time after his DV to heal and reflect on all his choices before getting with you. He needs to learn to stand on his own two feet and be responsible for his own choices in life. He needs to get all set with his relationships with his kids from his marriage. They have to be his first priority....not yours. Let him be. Let him go.