How do you tell them that mommy has had other boyfriends? We have a 12yo daughter, a 7yo son, and a 4yo daughter. All wonderful, bright children.

I am processing all of this - trying to find the best path for me to take to best support my kids.

I specifically want to talk to my 12yo. She is so wonderful - growing up, but still a little girl sometimes.

I am not interested in reconciliation (unless I hear God's voice) - and stbx is not interested. We both love the kids tremendously. It is gonna be a complicated, tough sitch.

There is a lot more to talk about here, but I will post later.

Anyway - what to say to the 12yo.

??????????????

far

I found a reason for me
to change who I used to be

I changed

and now the reason is invalid



I am glad I changed. I now focus on the three main reasons......

{{{FAR}}} be honest with her based upon your values and what you have taught her about marriage. Be sure to emphasize that her mom loves her and that you love her. My DD knows about the OC in our life and knows about the OW. We have chose not to give too many details but I can tell you that little girl (she is 13)keeps ME on the straight and narrow!

Teh truth, nothing but the truth so help you god! I have an 11 and 13 year old. Both are completely aware of what is going on and will not stand for anything but the truth. They have both told WW that if there is a D they do not want to live with her or see her again. They made it very clear that they hold her responsible for destroying their family.

FF - thanks. I wish I had made it to the party.

I am excited for you. And in prayer.

When is the next one? (SOCAL MB party....)

Eagle - thanks.

I appreciate your input.

far

my dd and ds are both 8 (yup, twins!) and I have told them the truth and language that THEY understand. Their counselor told me not to get into too many details at this point, but I can tell them what they can handle and tell them the rest when they are older.

I sat down and exlpained to them first what a marriage was SUPPOSED to be. I then explained that certain rules of marriage had been broken and that daddy was making some bad decisions and that was why he could not live here right now. I explained that when you are married you DO NOT find comfort in or spend time with people of the opposite sex and that that was what daddy had been doing. I told them daddy loved them very much and that this was a problem between he and I. I told them we would all pray together for daddy to start making some better healthier decisions.

Now, they are AWARE of who ow is but not that wh lives with her. ( I will not allow them over there or anywhere around her) My children used to like this person before they realized what she had done. They are very hurt by her actions and want nothing to do with her right now. I was honest with them in that ow wanted to spend time with daddy no matter who she hurt or what the cost and that that was the definition of a selfish uncaring person. They understand that if it were not for ow daddy would still be living here. I did tell them it was not ONLY because of ow that mommy and daddy had problems but that she was a big cause. I made sure they understood that what had been going on was in NO WAY acceptable behavior and that they were to treat their future bf/gf and spouses with respect and now that they see the pain this causes they know they would not do that in their relationships.

Truth is the best in my opinion. I tried not to make daddy sound like a complete bad guy, just a confused one. They need to be taught that the truth is the best and it is not ok to hide things. Good luck, mlhb

btw, my wh does not agree that I told the kids the truth.. says in doing so I am 'bashing him and ow" talking bad about them, trying to turn kids against him... blah blah blah...

I said no way. I told them because they deserve to know the truth and that there is no way in h*ll I will let them grow up to think that it is ok to have A's or to just go find someone else when you don't feel like being married anymore. No way was I going to allow that. Now they know what pain an A causes and maybe they will think twice when the grow up... mlhb