In an affair and need help. - 01/26/06 03:56 AM
Hi, first time posting.. I have been married for 4 yrs and just entered into an emotional affair with an x-coworker. The other women and I have been friends for a few years and just a few months ago we had a few drinks too many and wound up kissing and expressing our true affection with each other. After that we met once for lunch and a few times to exchange letters and a kiss. Fortunately, we have not had sex and although we both are trying to stay away from each other we still find ourselves writing and talking to one another. I find her to be so amazing, she seems to be everything I wanted in a women; I know that is bad to say. We are very emotionally addicted to each other.. not good!
My marriage; this is the real problem. Although I love my wife, we have been together for 10 years, she has never been able to satisfy all of my emotional needs. The main issues I have are that she is not very affectionate, not very sexual, religious and does not respect the little independence I ask for. She has a problem with being alone. It’s just like we are on two different planets, the thing that keeps us together, our friendship, is slowly dissolving. These problems have persisted for years and we have spent a lot of time trying to work on them, but she just can’t seem to change no matter how many times she tries. I feel like I’m being selfish for wanting her to change but I just can see us staying together if it continues on. I really need these emotions satisfied. This has led me to seek other outlets for my needs. And, now I realize that I have been having little emotional affairs (all in my head) for the past 8+ years; trying to cope with this lack of emotional connection. I know, after reading Dr. Harley; this is so typical. I feel so guilty and sad. She is my friend and I don’t wan to hurt her no matter what.
I know now after reading all of this site’s wonderful material that I must either end this relationship or my marriage now before things get out of hand. I have even contemplated ending both. My wife has no idea (for all I know she may have an idea) that I have been seen or talked to this women. I have spent the past few months trying to figure out what to do, I know the main choice is to stay with my wife and try again or call it quits. It’s so hard to decide especially since we have a baby. Also, I know if I stay with her I need to leave this women behind for good and tell my wife. The only problem with this is that she has told me on more than one occasion that she would leave me without question if she found out I had an affair..and yes she considers emotional affairs to be affairs. (This may come from the fact that she was married before and had an affair as she left her husband – who knows)..
I just don’t know if I want to keep trying with my wife or we are truly incompatible. If I stay should I tell her and hope she gives me another chance?
Thank you,
Bad husband-
My marriage; this is the real problem. Although I love my wife, we have been together for 10 years, she has never been able to satisfy all of my emotional needs. The main issues I have are that she is not very affectionate, not very sexual, religious and does not respect the little independence I ask for. She has a problem with being alone. It’s just like we are on two different planets, the thing that keeps us together, our friendship, is slowly dissolving. These problems have persisted for years and we have spent a lot of time trying to work on them, but she just can’t seem to change no matter how many times she tries. I feel like I’m being selfish for wanting her to change but I just can see us staying together if it continues on. I really need these emotions satisfied. This has led me to seek other outlets for my needs. And, now I realize that I have been having little emotional affairs (all in my head) for the past 8+ years; trying to cope with this lack of emotional connection. I know, after reading Dr. Harley; this is so typical. I feel so guilty and sad. She is my friend and I don’t wan to hurt her no matter what.
I know now after reading all of this site’s wonderful material that I must either end this relationship or my marriage now before things get out of hand. I have even contemplated ending both. My wife has no idea (for all I know she may have an idea) that I have been seen or talked to this women. I have spent the past few months trying to figure out what to do, I know the main choice is to stay with my wife and try again or call it quits. It’s so hard to decide especially since we have a baby. Also, I know if I stay with her I need to leave this women behind for good and tell my wife. The only problem with this is that she has told me on more than one occasion that she would leave me without question if she found out I had an affair..and yes she considers emotional affairs to be affairs. (This may come from the fact that she was married before and had an affair as she left her husband – who knows)..
I just don’t know if I want to keep trying with my wife or we are truly incompatible. If I stay should I tell her and hope she gives me another chance?
Thank you,
Bad husband-