Yesterday I found a cookie on the computer from my H looking up a former friend (female) on a reunion website. I started to freak out, wondering what else he's been doing so I tried to sign up to see his cell phone bill online. Well during the process it sent a confirmatory text message to his phone. Needless to say, he will probably be angry for me snooping (and not trusting). I was doing so well at regaining trust in him again!! I have no doubt he will be upset. How do I justify snooping-it seems sompletely wrong!!

Just tell him you had a gut feeling and it proved right, he was looking at that site. If he'as upset ask him why he didn't tell you PORH, or ask you to look with him. Then POJA any future stuff.

Snooping is not wrong. It's an intelligence operation mounted to verify one's trust in an individual. People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. Your husband hid what he was doing and you have every right in the world to know that he did it, and also to demand answers as to why he did. Deceit is not pretty and it is always right to shine a strong light on it. It is HE who needs to give you some real, solid answers, not you to him.

Thanks Eagle,

I feel so bad, mostly because my snooping isn't justified. Yes he lied big time to me over a year ago and has been good ever since. Although recently he's online more than normal and when I saw the search for this woman (which seems out of the blue) all of those old feelings came rushing back. I know I'm trying to rationalize my behavior. All I can say is I'm sorry and I'm working on it the best I can.

I know I am not in the same situation as BS's on this site but- When did you learn to not scrutinize everything? As you can tell Honesty and Openess is my top EN.

Don't be so hard on yourself. I understand the trust issue, and it is a naging feeling. I never had any reason to check behind my husband until recently. Usually when you have an instinct, it is right! So never second guess yourself, be honest with him and yourself. Tell him it botered you and you want to talk it out. If he is not hiding anything it won't be a problem if he really want you to trust him totally.

Isn't it amazing, how once you've been lied to, you're so quick to think the worst.

I'm so afraid my instinct is just paranoia. When does it cross the line from following your gut to being just plain paranoid?

I may have to wait until Thursday, possibly Friday before I am able to talk face-to-face with my H about this. He's out of town until late Wednesday and will be working quite late Thursday as well.

Write yourself a letter if you start letting it get the best of you. It does help. Just take care of yourself and mind. ALWAYS be honest with yourself. If it bothers you, let him know. Don't keep it bottled up. It only make it worse.

Paranoia is eractic behavior. If everything he does you are questioning, the you are paranoid! He has got to be able to breath. I know it hurts. CRAP! I could not trust my first husband even if he was standing in front of me. HE WAS TERRIBLE! HE LIED, CHEATED, VERBALLY ABUSIVE, JUST THE DEVIL IN THE FLESH!!!! It was awful. There is always another situation worse to make you look at yours. Then you realize it is not so bad.....................