Ark posted this:

Here's my advice ...
based on nearly fifteen years of marriage...and three kids...

you MUST fix YOUR lack of sexual intimacy and desire for your husband IF you want your marriage to survive..

you loved him enough to marry him
you loved him enough to have a baby with him...

YOUR rejection of him is akin to cutting him off at the knees...

YOU took a vow to cherish this man..
every day you need to ACT on that vow of cherishing...

You need to change your whole thought process on this..

heck the MORE stress life brings on is exactly when you two need to turn to one another.....

cause it's gonna have stress...and baby puke...and laundry piled up....and bills to pay and on and on and on ...

none of that excuses anyone from wedding vows....

you don't HAVE to let him know anything...

you show him you love him
you show him you desire him
you make time...
you make coffee so you're not too tired...
you plan dates at home that after the nine month old is asleep it's mommy and daddy time...

society has done a great dis-service to men....
that once children come they take second, third, and fourth place to the children.....

you need to email or call your husband throughout the days..tell him how much you love him..how you can't wait to see him...

just because you don't feel something...doesn't excuse not treating someone with great love...
feelings are fleeting...
and I bet once you reconnect and get in to things...your feelings will change...

you want to blame him for looking at porn..yet he has been living a celebate marriage practically for nine months...

the longer you go without engaging...flirting and seducing...the harder it is to get it back....

and now you are jumping down his throat for looking at porn...which you don't disagree with...so it's not an ethical issue...it's that he's doing it.....

ifeel this is NOT to beat you up...
you need to see the bigger picture....
you want this man by your side nuturing and caring for you and the family...

you have to make him feel nurtured and loved and desired..
even inspite of your hormones and other stuff....

you are undermining your own marriage....

I seriously seriously seriously recomend you read

THE PROPER CARE AND FEEDING OF HUSBANDS...

he loves you
he wants to love you
he want to share that love with you...

and for nine months straight.... rejection....

can you see your role in this.....

I'll tell you what....each birth only brought me and my husband closer and closer on so many levels..including intimacy....

I couldn't wait to have the baby fall asleep peacefully with us....and then I couldn't wait to have some time for me and him...

where I could tell and show how much I admire and love the father of my children....


see your doctor get your antidepressents changed or discontinued....

light some candles
put on some soft music...

your husband doesn't give a rats patootie what you "think" you look like...he just wants to touch you cause he loves and adores you......

cherish your husband...
speak and show your love....

ARK




in response to a post about porn.

Interesting stuff. I really appreciate what you said, Ark.
Hangintough does too.

What a great post!

Two cheers for ARK!!!

I raise my cup!

Thanks for some acknowledgement about something I did not really fully understand.

far

SEE MIMI <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

she's taking applications right now.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

thank you for the kind words....

ARK

Yup!!! Cheers!!!! Beautifully stated.

thanks for the post...Ark's advice is wonderful...I finally get it!

thanks to both of you!

Thank you for these words, ark. I wish more women understood! Sadly, they don't ever understand sometimes.

You should write a book! ;-p