I never thought I would be back here, but here I am.

It’s been over a year since my FWW seen the other man, but tonight things didn’t add up.
She told me she was going out with friends after work and I found out she left work early and started having feelings I haven’t had in over a year. So, I called her and asked who she was with and She said her friends and started yelling at me like when she was seeing him last.

She said if that’s how I feel she’s not coming home and hung-up the phone and doesn’t answer her cell phone!

I left a message stating how we used to talk about everything and I would like to talk to my best friend.

[color:"red"] [/color]

Because the other man lives in another state, I called a few of the hotels in the area he would most likely would stay and found he is in town!

What do I DO NOW???

HLR...

This is very inappropriate and independent behavior on your wife's part...Time to start snooping again...What things have been going on to make you start having these feelings again?

Sorry you are back here friend...

Mrs. W

Actually other than the lack of sex the last month nothing…is seemed odd that she told me yesterday she was going out tonight to visit a group of friends on a night they don’t meet and today she didn’t answer her phone at work and she didn’t call after work and when I called it went to voice mail. All of those things where the types of warning that where happening when she was having the A.

She feels I should trust her emphatically and sometimes I have questioned her and it makes her very sad.

Funny thing, I still want to believe her and know she’ll come up with some way of blaming me!

I’m really scared that this time we might not survive.

Do you have any idea where she might be hanging out? Can you go there and check now? I hate to say this HL, but it could be a different OM this time...

Btw, since your wife has proven herself to be untrustworthy, she most certainly shouldn't blame you for not trusting her...Trust is something that she must earn...And blame shifting is something that all waywards use in their quest for the high...Recognize it for what it is and don't accept it...

Mrs. W

I know where he staying, should I call?
What should I say to her???

In the past when ever I have had these feeling…she calls them feeling of insecurity and told me that it not very appealing to her.

OKay, my take on this since this WW is making me angry for you.

Go to the hotel he is staying and see if she shows up. If she doesn't, won't you feel better?
You need to know.

Also, if she had the affair, she should accept, appealing or not, that you might need to confirm her wherabouts from time to time.
Is there radical honesty?
Transparency?

Are you afraid of her?

What does youre recovery look like?

I am sorry this is happening again. Get a level head and start investigating. You deserve--whether she is gonna tell you or not herself--to know what is going on.

You KNOW that OM is in town? If you know what room he is staying in and can be calm and not get yourself thrown in jail, why not go knock on the door, disguise your voice and say "management" or "maintenance"...When the door opens and you see or hear your WW, just say "I see" and then turn and walk away...You can decide later what you wish to do...

HL, if your suspicions are correct, do you really want your marriage to survive? What do you want?

Mrs. W

No, I'm not afraid of her. The hard part is I love her and she seems to use that to advantage.

Actually, I’m not sure if the had sex but I’m sure I’ll find out. I think they spent the day together and not sure if leaped back into bed.

It could be my call just pushed her to him. I thought of sitting at the hotel but that would just play into his hands having me wait there, I also thought of calling his room. But haven't decided and so far my best option has been talking here.

OM's in town

Wife unaccounted for and previously hostile

= affair recommenced or possibly the dreaded "closure" bullcrap

I'd go to the hotel myself; but then I KNOW I can control my emotions.

I'd confirm my suspicion and leave.

WW either comes home immediately without my asking or demanding or I'd be pretty much done

Read or reread "love must be tough"

I wouldn't go through it again

I'd either take a month or so to prepare my divorce/custody case OR I'd go home, pack her bags and change the locks.

If you called the Harley's you'd likely get a more successful "plan" but that's not what I, personally, would do...I'd be done absent EXTREME and IMMEDIATE efforts on the part of my wife.

What good are boundaries if they are not firm after a year of recovery????

Simply, "Honey, I can no longer remain in a loveless marriage"

This is NOT your fault and YOU will make it HL.

Godspeed

Mr. Wondering

NO...NO...NO!!! This about her SELFISH CHOICE...It has NOTHING to do with anything that you have or haven't done...Stop this line of thinking IMMEDIATELY!!!

Mrs. W

HL,

Refresh me...Is OM married? Was your WW's affair exposed?

Mrs. W

He's married and they both told me that it totally was over and he begged me not to tell his wife. I sent her an anonymous email but never spoke to her directly.

AGREE~AGREE! AGREE!!!

I really think you should go to the hotel--borrow a friends's car if needed, and observe. Do you know what he drives? You know what she drives--a car in the lot is enough proof. Though I would probably have to knock, too. But I, too, can control my emotions.

again, I am so sorry this is happening again.

You might want to call her again. She'll need to know hwat is going on--from you firsthand. SHe needs to know as well, and might give you info you need as well.

Call OMW NOW!!! HL, you are a prime example of why affairs MUST be exposed...Dr. Harley advises that the OP's Spouse must ALWAYS be told...OMW could have been your greatest ally in maintaining No Contact...She can be now, if you choose to try and recover your marriage...Even if you don't, OMW MUST be told...Do not delay this another moment...Call her right now!!!

Mrs. W

He would have a rental car, like I said I know the hotel and not the room number, the front desk connected me to he room earlier. I called to confirm he was in town and now I know he is, so let’s say I’m 99% sure she’s there.

Waiting in the lobby is not the answer.

They have an unlisted number in Texas, but I have been working on getting the number even if I have to fly there.

Is her car gonna be there? COuld you leave a note on her windshield?

And on the anonymous email thing...NEVER but NEVER hide exposure...You want the infidels to know that they have been exposed, otherwise, exposure serves no purpose...Exposure is designed to shed light and reality on affairs and force the infidels to see themselves through the eyes of others, which hastens the end of the affair by killing the fantasy...Also, it is indicative of fighting for your marriage, a noble endeavor and one that you should be proud of!

Mrs. W

Lots of us Texans here--including me--whereabouts? Can I help?

I'd rather be helping you tonight than drowning in my self-pity <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> So I'd be glad to help.

If OM's Wife is unlisted what about OM's parents or siblings in the same hometown. Try any number you can to find her tonight.

She won’t park near his hotel, because that’s how I found them last time. She had thrown away directions to a downtown hotel, when she told me she was visiting her grandmother. S, no I can't leave a note.

I would call again, when OM answers, tell him that there has been a family emergency (sound VERY panicky-throw in a couple of OMG's for good measure) and tell him you MUST speak to your wife as you KNOW that she is there...ACT ASSUMPTIVELY...Bulldoze Him...If he tells you she isn't there, bluff, and say that you have absolute evidence to the contrary, and repeat that there is a dire emergency (this is not a lie, as your wife being in a hotel with OM is indeed a family emergency)...Get her on the phone...Say what you wish at that point, she's busted...

Mrs. W

Okay, you're making this hard for yourself.

If she won't park in front of the hotel, then you park across the street, etc, and wait for OM to drive her to her car parked elsewhere. Or go looking for her car. It can't be that far. And this ;ate at night, I am sure teh parking lots are not that full. You're gonna need proof here, or else she will continue to lie to you and make you feel like this is all your fault.

The other man lives across country and is 62 year and an executive of a local company but he usually works in other states. Today he is here, I do know his employer and could expose him there but that has its risks too.

I have been thinking of calling his room but don’t know what to say!

HL...

I understand that there have been people here that have used http://www.netdetective.com/ with success...You might try that as a way of finding OMW...

Mrs. W

Why Do I need proof, shes not home thats all the proof I need.

What risks?

Mrs. W

P.S. Did you read my post about calling OM's hotel?

Exposure in a multibillion dollar company might do nothing or it might get my wife fired from her job. The CEO of her company knows all of the directors of this company and when you consider the other man was the former COO of the company my wife works for and that completes the circle. Wow that might be hard to follow.

Do you mean to tell me that the OM and your wife have continued to work for the same company??? HL, don't you see how this has ruined any chance that your marriage had for recovery? No contact was made impossible...Without NC, there is no withdrawal, without withdrawal there is NO RECOVERY!!!

Your wife and the OM SHOULD lose their jobs!!! Why in the world would you shield your WW from the CONSEQUENCES of her affair??? That is called ENABLING and is harmful to EVERYBODY!!! You most certainly should expose this affair to Human Resources and let the chips fall as they may...Those, HL, are the BRASS TACKS!!!

Mrs. W

What is more important - your wife's job or your marriage?

From your post above it seems as if the job is.

Where in Texas? Lots of us Texans here.