I'm coming up on our wedding anniversary this next Monday (after Thanksgiving) and when WH took kids shopping for my Christmas presents, he supposedly bought a present for me from him.

So the question for discussion is....

What do you do if WH gives you something for your anniversary or Christmas while separated?

you are in plan b, right?

I got the nicest presents I'd ever had from WH when we were separated. I accepted them. However, OW gave him presents to give to the kids and I gave them to charity.

I am in plan B albeit not a very good one as many have told me. Due to having 3 children and not a good go-between, we only have contact when arranging his visits with the children and that is through very short emails and texts and only pertinent information. I know this isn't a good plan B, but I'm at a loss to do any better at this time.

Thanks Tummy, that's something I didn't consider, OW getting presents. OW has had no contact with my children and won't ever if I have my way. Whose to know if she'll help shop, but I don't intend to consult WH about kids gifts. I've already got most done without his knowledge.

When I returned home today, one day shy of my wedding anniversary to WH, I walked in the door, groceries in hand to find that WH had left me a single white rose in a glass vase and a card. He had left just before after visiting with our 3 darling children. I didn't know what to think or do.

I read the card, said things like he thinks about me daily, misses me and talking to me, didn't know what would hurt me more, recognizing our anniversary or letting it go unnoticed, so he took a chance and decided to make mention of it. I just couldn't believe it! He said he misses talking with me and wants to but knows that until he can do what I need him to do, that we have nothing to talk about. He signed it "love."

I ended up putting the card back in the envelope, sealing it again and putting it outside where he would find it tomorrow when he brings the kids, and his mother here, with me not here.

I had been trying to steal myself for tomorrow and took the kids away overnight. They said it was the best weekend ever! I had absolutely no intentions of acknowledging our anniversary to him and trying not to do so to myself. And then this....

I am edging more towards the idea that he isn't coming back. That after 15 years of lying to himself and me, he now is with the one he always wanted, which is why he isn't here and can't do what I need him to. He said in the card that he was sorry for that and for everything. But he's not coming back...it just doesn't seem possible and I think this was another attempt to test waters and play with my mind again. I don't know if he does that knowingly or if it's out of guilt.

I think as long as he has a choice, "until he can do what you need him to do" he will cake eat, ride the fence... It is still way too early for you to know that he's not coming back for good; when he no longer has a choice (or thinks he doesn't) is when he will make a decision. Just based on what you wrote, his gift, attempt to communicate with you...I think he has all the signs of getting his head out of his [censored], but its up to you as to when b/c you are the one to stop allowing him the choice of whether to return.

Just my $.02

Your 2 cents is certainly worth more than that to me. Thanks for chiming in. It's good to hear from others who have been there or have something good or needed to say. I agree that I think he's still fence sitting and I'm hoping that my putting everything from him and not responding to his card will help get a message to him. I can't say that I'm anywhere near 100% ready to give up on us, but it gets closer every week. I'm just trying to be prepared for what could be the inevitable. There's still a large part of me that misses him desperately and wants to work on the marriage, but the prospect of repairing it seems so slim.