I need help. My situation feels so hopeless. I can't live without my husband and this pain is too much for me. I feel like I've lost him to the OW.

You must stop this - if you really feel like life is not orth living -call the suicide hotline now.

1-800-273-8255

1-800-784-2433

Did you call that number, inpain?

In_pain,

It's been a long time since I've posted here...in fact, I was in the same place you are when I did. I will tell you that I had only a sliver of hope that I would survive the ordeal..how could I go on? I felt I couldn't exist without my WW. I had to take it one minute at a time. Soon the minutes became hours and the hours days.

What has to take place is for you to focus on YOU!! You can't change anyone else. The way you deal with your pain is of utmost importance from this point on.

Are you in counseling??

in_pain....****************... People are sinful and will ALWAYS disappoint you.

Basically you are saying your H is the winner here.....that he controls your life. Did he create you??? NO! I thought god did that.

Stop giving all the power to another human being......get yourself together and realize your H is just another sinful human.

PS......I dont feel too sorry for those who talk about ending their lives over another person.

Like the above poster stated, call the help hotline now.

Personally I would never let anyone have that much influence over me. Husband/wife or not.

Come on startinover...have a little patience...its obvious that you are in a different place than in pain is in and you are a lot stronger than she is...but be supportive...thats what she needs right now..she needs that more than anything in this world...to not feel alone, and to know that we are out here and will support her....

At one point in time when my wife was cake eating, I became so despondent that I called the line you have been given. The person who answered the call was right for me. Not all of them are - you may have to call several times to find someone you can relate with and who can relate with you.

That call saved my life, saved my relationship with my wife and saved my kids and family. That call gave me the strength to go on and not only that, but to go on and Do The Right Thing.

Please call.

Larry

Please call the number or go to the emergency room. Bring someone to watch your son. I promise you that things WILL get better, and you WILL be happy again.

InPain

I was two feet away from deliberately killing myself in my sports car a month after d-day.

I was disappointed to walk away from the wreck at the time.

Now my life is WONDERFUL. All my own work too.

Suicide is a permanet solution to a temporary problem. As terrible though it is, your pain is temporary.

Phone that number. See your doctor for a-d's. Then come back here and we'll show you how to kick the affair's @ss.

All blessings.

In_Pain. Please think of your son. THis is the worst time that you can go through. But your son needs you. Please do not leave him alone. I promise, it does get better. I was in the same place you were. ANd MB kept me afloat. Just to get trhough the day was an major struggle. BUT, I kept thinking of my kids. ANd then the IDEA of my DD being FORCED to live with WH and his OW just made me realize that NO WAY would that be good for her.

PLEASE call the the hotline or vent here. WE will all help. We have been there.

My prayers are for you and your DS.

I did say to get help.......

This woman needs to know that her H is just a person, nothing more or less. How can someone want to end their life over another person?

Pray, pray, pray, read scriptures on suicide and pray some more.

HE ISNT WORTH IT PERIOD!

think about your son. Do you want him raised by the woman who is trying to steal your family?

Come on, In Pain- let me know how you're doing.

IP,

How are you feeling now? Any relief?

Jo

in_pain,

I urge you to call
1-800-SUICIDE

Talk to someone,,,get help now!

LG I would suggest taking your personal phone# off of here. You have a lot of personal information. For your safety, it's probably better not to include your numbers.

In_pain

You can and will make it through all of this. Please call the suicide hotline.

in pain

I've been in your dark place-and it even seemed to get darker. Yet, the light of my children has made this journey not only bearable-but truly miraculous.

There are so many things worth hanging onto-even with chemo, separation, etc. My DS 18 told me that he was walking around the local mall near his college (over 300 miles away) in his ROTC uniform and a woman came up and hugged him. Just because he was in uniform.

DS 14-who has never been a hugger-puts his arms around me daily. He told me I was amazing when I felt my worst.

DD21 and her wonderful husband chose to live a mile away to help me if I need them. I suspect they need me too.

DD24 has take 2 months leave to be home with me.

My parents and siblings brought Thanksgiving to my house under orders that I do "nothing."

I know these are random things-but they are the light that shines into each dark day, making it brighter all the time.

Please remember that you are dearly loved-by many. And your child will need you even more than ever now.

Praying for you-

IP,

Since you do not seem to be responding, we can't tell if you got help or still need help. I am going to post my personal cell # but am on my way to work. NO matters, you can still call. I will remove it this evening.

Here it is: 808-230-3853. You are calling Hawaii so it is still in the morning here and I gotta go get some Starbucks. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hugz,
L.

I just want to thank everyone who responded. It makes me not feel so alone. Thank you all for being here for me. I'm going to need you in the upcoming months; I'm sure of it!!

I am still not doing very well. I am already on anti-depressants. Wow, I don't know what kind of state I would be in without them. I see my counselor again on Tuesday. Nothing seems to be helping me. I'm so tired of hurting and feeling depressed. I want to know what it feels like to be happy again. I don't remember that feeling.

Orchid: We understand. Many of us have been there and survived. We can share with you what we have learned and hopefully you won't have to go through it as badly as we have.


Orchid: U deserve t/b happy again. U will be. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hugz,
L.

in_pain, like Orchid said, most of us on these forums have stood in your shoes. We know the pain, way too well. But no one here gave up. People here before us extended a hand to us. People her lent us a shoulder to lean on. Nearly everyone here has had the very same darkness try to take over their lives.

This is truly much more than a Marriage Building site. It, perhaps foremost, is a personal growth site. That, because most of us have to experience personal growth in many ways, before we are strong enough to fight for our marriages.

Purchase and read "Surviving an Affair" by Dr. Willard Harley, founder of this site. It will give you insight as to why marraiges become vulnerable, and how the dynamics of an affair work...which in turn give you the knowledge (read as the POWER) to fight the affair.

None of us are to blame for the choices our spouses made, when they chose to enter into an affair. However, most of us were guilty of "something" that was not conducive to a solid and secure marriage. Read about Harley's Plan A. Plan A is many things, but one of the most important things it is, is a plan for self-improvement. Taking an honest look at yourself, and begin to make changes that would make you a better spouse.

The knowledge you will gain by reading "Surviving an Affair" will empower you and make you stronger. Committing yourself to positive change in your contributions to your marriage will also empower you. You must work on you first. If you are already on AD's you should have your prescription checked and make sure it it accurate. If you have an IC, you should tell them about your dark thoughts, and talk about them in your next appointment.

Make this a time of personal growth, first for yourself, and secondly for your marriage and children. You deserve it. You are important. Look at how many people have read this thread. People here care about others, and have a desire to help others through this troubling experience. Just because people cannot reach out and touch you in person, does not mean they won't be "there" for you. These forums can be a blessing beyond what I can describe with mere words. Stick around and learn, and live, and grow with us.

Never give up hope...

Best wishes,
SD

in pain? are you ok? please talk to us....

She posted on her other thread.

She is doing ok.

She is trying to gather her courge and strength to do wht she needs to do about exposure.

Post deleted by LoveGod

LoveGod:

Thank you so much; I really appreciate your support. I may be calling you soon! I wrote down your number, so I do have it if I need to talk. Thank you. I'm sorry I have two threads going at the same time. I'm new at this and I really don't know what I'm doing yet.

I called the OW's parents and I'm worried I made a mistake. My husband is going to be absolutely FURIOUS with me and I don't know what I'm going to say to him when I see him. I'm scared. I'm afraid he is going to walk out; there's actually a good chance of it.

That's why I was so scared to do it in the first place; I'm afraid I will regret it.

In Pain - you will not regret it.

Your marriage can survive his anger. It can not survive an ongoing affair. Exposure is the simgle most effective weapon to end an affair.

IP, call me anytime...I am here..day or night...

My husband is going to be absolutely FURIOUS with me and I don't know what I'm going to say to him when I see him. I'm scared. I'm afraid he is going to walk out; there's actually a good chance of it.

In Pain, this was the bravest act a BS can perform. When i exposed to OM's GF Squid was highly abusive,told me she would be gone with the children when I got home, she'dalways thought I was a loser, now she was certain of it and much more venom I can't post here.

Yet she did not leave and I felt a faint itch in my right palm, as the control of my life passed back to me from her and OM.


WS thrash about like snapped snakes when exposed. More to the point they behave like 9 year olds who have been playing " docotors and nurses" in the dark, thenMom comes in and turns on the light !:) It takes BRAVE naughty child to continue to play in Mom's plain sight !

The fastest horses don't always win races but you should bet on them anyway. Exposing is the fastest horse in ending an affair.

You did well here. Can you not find details of somebody in OWs life whao might have an influence on her - i.e. Spouse, BF, Parents, employers ? Exposure to THEM might be very effective indeed.

You need to stay frosty I_P. Its going to be rough sialing for a while ( as if it wasnt anyway).

When he rages at you for exposing just reply " I am sorry you are angry. I did what I thought was right for our marriage. " That worked for me with Squid.

All blessings

In pain...

are you saying that God himself placed you unto this earth for on sole purpose...

to be happy in life only if and when with your husband...

that is your reason for being ?
and that is your reason for happiness....?

you stand worthy of many things and all of them inspite of who and where your husband is, or is with....

You need to seek your own sovereignity....and claim it...
otherwise you are most susecptable to false recovery and settling way way way below your means...

I for one can not understand placing any of your self worth on to the actions of a liar, a deceiver and someone who wrenches such pain from their own actions...

perhaps you need to step back a bit..
and seek yourself first...
independant of him......

your worth on this earth has nothing to do with his giving or taking anything from you..

you are giving him power he does not have...

ARK

Just an update for her
She exposed to the OW's parents. She also sent an email to the office. She has the memos ready to go to all of the employees.
She is going to expose to her BIL and SIL today. Her dad is planning to speak to him as well.

She sounded much stronger last night.

Keep posting to her guys, she is really listening.

IP, good for you!!!! Bravo for exposing....give yourself a give pat on the back b/c that is a very hard step to take...You go girl!!! I am proud of you !!!!Now just stand your ground w/ your WH...he is gonna yell, cuss, scream, tell you all sorts of terrible things but do not believe it...I think i read it somewhere, believe nothing what your WS says, and only 50% of what you see...ANd if he walks out, ok, just breathe and pray and pray....he will be back...mark my word...he will...and don't regret exposing...don't ever regret doing something for yourself...Good job !!!!!!

Thank you so much for your support LoveGod and everyone! My husband knows that I exposed to the OW's parents. I'm sure he is absolutely furious. I will be going home to face that tonight. I'm so scared. But, I do feel a little stronger thanks to all of you. I just hope I can get through this confrontation. I am so fearful he will leave. I don't know what I'll do then. I'll come back here and ask for help is what I'll do first. I don't know what I would do without all of you. I really wish I would have found this site sooner.

I am absolutely terrified. This is the hardest thing I ever had to go through. And, I'm constantly wondering if I'm doing the right thing or if I'm handling it correctly. I love my husband, but he can't keep treating me like this. I just don't know what I'll do without him though. He's been my whole life. It's hard to remember life without him. We used to have such an amazing relationship. All I ever wanted to be was a wife and a mom. I want more kids; I only have one. My whole future and my dreams have been destroyed. How do you move past that?

I'll tell you what I've told everyone else in your situation. I exposed my WW to all of her friends, family, coworkers, boss (it started with a coworker before he left the company), and the OM's parents. My WW was FURIOUS! We had a counseling session already scheduled for the next day, and she used it as an opportunity to tell me it was OVER and how wrong I was for exposing her personal life to her boss and telling the OM's parents. She started calling lawyers and told me that she was filing for divorce the following week. Well, only FIVE days after I exposed her, she agreed to NC with the OM. She is still pissed off about the exposure (3.5 weeks ago), but we are definitely making positive steps toward recovery. You are doing the right thing. Don't worry about it. This happens with all the time with WSes. They will be FURIOUS and spout off the most hateful drivel you can imagine, but they will rarely follow it up with any actions. You will be okay!

- Jim

My wife's 12 month EA, 3 month PA ended in 4 days after exposure.

I hope you're both right. I hope this has a positive impact for us. Please take a look at my other thread. I got a text message from a friend that really bothers me. I posted it on there. Sorry for the two posts. Let me know what you think about that, please.

I encourage you to read papaof3's experience. He spent 6 days in a ward and was feeling as low as you. It was a positive experience for him to get help. Do so if you need to. Here is the link:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...&PHPSESSID=

Try to stay strong. Many of us have been in your shoes. It does get better.

If I were addicted to something, I would have a hard time giving it up, too. He likes having his cake and eating it too. Of course he doesn't to give the affair up. He's in too deep. Hopefully, he'll eventually come around. The research indicates that 80% of people who had affairs eventually wind up with their BS. He's in the fog right now. You just have to accept that.

- Jim

Let's see, let me dig out my list........

Your husband will probably say this is the last straw, it was not your business to tell the OW's parents, he might have worked on the marriage, but now he is DONE, he wants a divorce, you are CRAZY, how could you do this to the OW/her parents, and, my favorite - HE WILL NEVER TRUST YOU AGAIN.

Whatever he says, let him know you will do what it takes to save your family. Repeat it like a broken record. Don't argue with him.

Please check back with us, so I can add his statements to my list, for future people who expose.

LOL Believer. Right on!

IP, what has happened so far? Is he home yet?

hey there, I hope you come give us a report.

praying for you

IP

This is kind of a "for what it's worth" comment. I guess by now you have faced your husband and listened to whatever his anger has made him say. I am with the BSs that have posted here (don't know if a FWS has). YOU did the right thing. There is no doubt in my mind. I am constantly amazed and in awe of folks like you who have such strength to expose the ugly truth to the light of day. Not only are you fighting for you own family, which is very much your business, but you are also giving the OP a chance at healing.

I don't want this to sound bad, because I am a FWS and fully accept that I committed adultery, but I was into cybersex and there was not an "other person" that my wife could expose. Had there been, I guess I might have been very angry if she did expose the other person, but in the end run, I wouldn't be able to say she did anything wrong. She would have told the truth and what's wrong with that?

My wife did tell one or two friends, but not the full detailes (I was into cybersex with other guys). I told my coworkers, dad and some friends. My dad and the friends because I needed help and coworkers because I was in an out of work for a while just trying to keep from killing myself (did a lot of journaling...totally distracted, etc.). I am not sorry that I exposed myself. I am not sorry that my wife told who she told. The way I look at it, if they have a problem with me and don't want to support me and my wife in recovery, then they are not really friends.

Likewise, you need the OW parents to assist you in your recovery, chiefly by supporting OW in NC with your husband. The OW needs her parents to assist her in her recovery. You husband certainly needs the OW parents to assist in NC. The way I look at it, YOU have blessed...catch that word BLESSED...everyone by exposing the affair to the OW family.

I am sorry, I tend to write a lot. Bottom line, as a FWS, I am awed by and admire what you did in exposing the affair. I just wanted you to know that.

God bless and I hope things went better than you expected.

Jim:

Thank you for your reply. I appreciate you sharing your story with me. It has been very hard to expose, but I think it's the right thing to do. I wasn't getting anywhere before, that's for sure. I just hope I am doing the right thing here and I hope I am executing Plan A correctly. You gave me some good ideas to share with the OW's parents.

****giving the OP a chance at healing.****

****Likewise, you need the OW parents to assist you in your recovery, chiefly by supporting OW in NC with your husband. The OW needs her parents to assist her in her recovery. You husband certainly needs the OW parents to assist in NC. The way I look at it, YOU have blessed...catch that word BLESSED...everyone by exposing the affair to the OW family.****

I plan on writing them a very long letter explaining the entire situation. I didn't get to tell them enough on the phone and I don't think they would sit and listen to it, so they are going to be getting a letter from me.

Thank you for your support.

I posted an update on my other thread. It's called: Update on my situation / some questions about my husband and our marriage.

I tried changing my subject line and it changed, but I still don't think I did it right. I went to the first post and clicked on Edit. I don't like that it went right over my very first post though? Now the conversation doesn't flow???? Did I do this wrong again?? The posts aren't in order now? Plus, it didn't bump my thread to the top of the Main Index, it's still on Page 2? What did I do wrong. I'm sorry, I feel so stupid!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

You need to edit the subject of your first post to reflect an update. Do not edit the content of that post. Once the title of the thread is changed, then you click on reply and post your update. If you posted your update over the first post and edited it, you have lost your first post.

- Jim

Thank you Jim!

I'll get the hang of this one of these days! Well, I guess I lost my first post. That's a real bummer. I guess if anyone new comes in and tries to read this from the beginning, they are going to be VERY confused. What a mess! Sorry everyone! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> I guess there's nothing I can do about it now. Oh well.....

Thanks for explaining this to me Jim!