She just called me. She discovered by following her WH today that he has an apartment in the same complex as OW.

She is very, very upset.

He has gone to his mother's for NYE, supposedly. She is afraid he took the OW to her MIL. Her MIL is not being a friend to the marriage and blaming IP for the adultry.

At first I suggested she confront him, but she is so emotional, I don't think it will be good.

Here is the plan we came up with:

1. She is going to write her plan b letter tonight, arrange for an intermediary., etc.

2. Tuesday she is going to go to the bank first thing and remove their savings as she is not going to let their saving fund his affair.

3. After the bank, she will put all of his clothes on the porch and have the letter delivered to him at work.

Are we missing anything?

Hi Mofo,

Please tell IP I'm praying for her. I understand her extreme grief and wish we could make it hurt less.

Has she seen her PC physician yet for ADs?

Jo

Well, my guess is he WILL get together with OW. It would be very bad for her to show up. Nothing good will come from it.

I hope she has someone to be with right now.

And it would be very good if she can not blow up and let him know that she knows, or it may be a race to the bank Tuesday.

thanks ya'll.

I will tell her Jo. She is on ADs has been for quite a while.

believer,
she is on her way to her mom's house. I told her not to tell him she knows about the apartment. She thinks he may be taking ow to his mom's house. My first thought was to have her confront all of them to tell them she is fighting for her marriage, but decided she was too emotional.

She was driving when she called me. Her mom does not have internet. She may call me back to post her plan B letter for advice.

Sounds good. Confrontation would be horrible for her. She knows enough without it.

She needs to get all her ducks in a row before going to plan B. Plan B is necessary for her WH, but she need to get everything lined up before she rushes to plan B. Screw her MIL. Who cares what MIL thinks. Make sure she gets plan B advice and plans it out ahead of time before she enacts plan B.

MF,

Let IP know she needs to get grounded. If she is on AD's and the WS knows, he may use it against her. She has a young child in her care and needs to ensure the safety of both of them.

Tell her to go and either get someone to be with her or go stay with someone while the following is done:

1. Secure finances (you mentioned 1 account). Make sure all finances are covered.

2. Secure child custody. Notify authorities or lawyer the WS has taken up with 'strange women' and you fear for your child's safety when the young child is with the WS.

3. Check regarding separation and child support. The WS must not be allowed to reneg on this responsibility. Make sure you secure your rights and realize you may have to negogiate some on the child support if he demands to bring the OW around your child. This s/b a big boundary item for you.

4. Do a complete background check on the OW. Best if you can find flaws in her character and use that info to justify keeping your child away from their A.

5. After all is secure....then send the plan B letter and make sure your personal support group is put in alert. Your child whereabouts must be secured. Notify daycare if needed. Expect the WS to try and remove the child from your custody. Be prepared to call in law enforcement if needed.

6. Be smart and do things in the correct order.

NOTE: Pray for a clear mind and calm heart.
Love your child.

take care,
L.

I second Orchid and remind her that her self worth was not tied to WH before she met him and her self worth is not tied to his terrible actions and decision making now. She is wonderful because of who she is not what someone, including WH, especially including WH whose opinion should carry no weight, thinks of her.

Tell her that many here a praying for her!

I'll pass all this on. She has an attorney already. I do not think she can delay this long for her on sanity.

Tell her to come back here to the forum if she is having a bad day. We are all here for her and keeping her in our thoughts and prayers.

Tell IP I am praying for her....

I am very relieved that she finally reached out to someone. She was out of touch for a while, wasn't she?

She's in my prayers as well. Thanks, MF, for being there for her, and for letting us all know what's going on.

I think she will come back - right now she is out of town with no internet.

She just called. I was not here so she left a message. She thinks the OW may be at MIL's with WH. she drove by slowly last night and tried to see in. She knows WH saw her because he looked right at her as she passed. When she made the block and came back, the blinds were closed.

Her dad thinks she needs to go confront him. Her mom agreed to go with her. I called her back and left a message for her not to go - to let her dad do it.

I am not sure she is strong enough for a confrontation.

I just, accidentally, spoke with her wh on IM. I thought it was her and IMed her.

He is not happy with her exposing, but he is considering working on the marriage.

He said he knows he will have to give up his friendship with the OW. He said she was considerirng getting a transfer.

I did not bring up the fact of him having his own apartment. I did tell him he was going to need to be very honest and open with her about everything.

I was praying the whole time. I hope I didn't mess up.

She was not home, in fact he wanted to know if I had spoken to her and if I knew where she was.

He said he had noticed a lot of positive changes in the last month but was confused by the 'things she had done.'

No sooner did I get off the IM with him, she called me- literally 5 seconds later. I told her I spoke to him and that he was worried about her. I told her he seemed torn and that he said he was willing to try. I told her to go home and hear him out. Told her no LBs but it was ok for her to tell him how much this hurts and has hurt her.

She has her plan b letter ready. She was going to give it to him tonight. I told her to wait on that. Keep it handy, though.

Oh, he offered to go to couples ounseling.

She is about 1.5 hours away from home. Pray for her as she drives home and for them as they 'talk' tonight.

IP, I am praying for you and keeping you in my thoughts...MF, she is lucky to have you w/ her....You are a good person.....Good Luck IP!!!!!!! I am keeping my fingers crossed for you.

In_Pain, we are praying for you. See, your plan A IS working. It may take plan B to finish this affair, but you are getting positive signs that the changes you have made really are affecting him.

Maybe things will make a turn for the better here.

IP is in my prayers as well.

Wow.....so he accepts your IMing? Great. Ok, this is another tool for IP to use. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Great job MF. Even if he morphs back to a WS, this interaction had an impact he won't quickly forget.

All the best,
L.

I'm here! I first want to thank all of you. I don't know what I would do without each and every one of you! Moveforward, God sent you to me. You have been such a rock for me and you have never let me down. You have gone above and beyond what a friend would do for me and I haven't even known you that long or met you for that matter!

Again, thank you to all of you. It's unbelievable how much you all mean to me. I don't know any of you personally, but I feel like I have such a bond with you. It's amazing how great it feels to have so many people caring about me. I really don't know where I would be without all of you. I just can't thank all of you enough. I just can't put it into words.

I also want to say that I am sorry for staying away from the board for so long. Boy, have I missed it! The holidays just got crazy. I was trying to get everything done around the house. My husband didn't help with the decorating, so I had to do it all myself and I did most of the shopping and wrapping myself too (but, that's kind of normal). Anyway, the holidays just got crazy and I was Plan Aing my butt off. I really wanted to make the holidays fun and rememberable (is that even a word?). Anyway, by the time I got my little boy to sleep each night (he's very off schedule because of the holidays), I would end up falling asleep and not go onto the computer.

I will post some updates on my thread.

Again, THANK YOU TO ALL FOR YOUR THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS!

I love you all.

Sorry, I also wanted to say that I was completely shocked when Moveforward told me that he IMed with her!! This is so out of character for him. He doesn't like talking to strangers about us!!! You could have knocked me over with a feather when she told me he talked to her!!!! I think this is a positive sign. I'm hoping anyway.