Me and my WxH have a very close relative who is passing away soon.

This relative is on my Xh side, but I consider them my family and always have.

Anyways, this family member lives over 2,000 miles away, and I plan on going back and attending the funural.
I have spoken to my wxh, and he saids that he would like to attend, but he and OW do not have the money to go. And he refuses to go without OW. So, I offered to pay for half of their gas to go back.

I don't know what the h&ll I am thinking.
He said that he would consider it, but now I am subjecting myself to being around him and OW during the time that we are out there. These are all his family members back there, and they all know about OW and what happened between us. They have all been supportive of me through all this, and haven't spoken to xh since.

Did I just make a big mistake?

I don't know how long you've been divorced, but I can't imagine a time where I would pay for my H to do anything with the OW..ever. Why would you pay to put yourself through the ****** of spending time in the same room with them?

Why is it up to you to help him get out there? Isn't there someone else he knows that could help him out?

If I were in that situation, If I felt the need to attend the funeral I would go and let him be responsible for getting him and his spouse out there.. If he finds a way out there, good. If not, it makes you look good.

I wouldn't give him a penny chances are he is giving his excuse because he really doesn't want to go anyway. Retract your offer, say something came up and you no longer have the money.

Well, I think your generosity should show you one thing - you harbor no remaining love for him, nor are you holding on to hurts. It takes a very big person to help someone be close to family during a time of loss, no matter what the circumstances.

So where your heart had the kindness and compassion to extend the offer, don't second guess and overthink the situation with being around OW - you probably in your heart of hearts are ready to move on to better things - she got the man she created. You got the better part of him while he existed. And that includes the relationships with his family that remain connected and caring to this day.

I disagree Kayla, I think the motivation comes from wanting to be in the same space as the XH and wanting to do something kind for him. The A was only discovered last year and I think the WS left in ETA (it was more like May of 06 but still less than 1 year has passed)Sept of 06...not enough time has passed to get over it.

Go if you want to go but you really should be in a very dark plan B with this man if you are still holding onto even a smidgen of hope of ever getting back together. By being his friend you have allowed him to cake eat. He has his OW and you are still his friend so he has lost nothing.




WHY would you do ANYTHING for this man? He manipulated you into filing for D by w/h much needed financial support from his children and now you are going to give him money so that he won't have to be separated from his floozie?

Yeah, that IS crazy.

I am not a pro at this by any stretch, but if you wish to, I say do it. God tells us it is easy to love the ones that love us but hard to love the ones that revile us. And they are the ones in most needs of redeption. If you dont think it is going to freak you out I would show this act of kindness, it shows them once again that you are a class act.

Only Mandy knows for sure -

There are times still, where that "auto-pilot" giver comes out and does "the kind thing" when I have very few feelings about it one way or another. The French have a saying "c'et m-et egal" - "to me it is equal" - or "it costs nothing". From Mandy's retelling of her experience, I would have guessed this was the emotion she was expressing.

Kayla,

That's just it, I don't know for sure. When I made the offer to WxH, I told myself to put the resentment and hurt the he had caused aside, and help him to be at his relatives funeral.

But like Almondeyes said, I do think that it is a way to have myself be near him for a time being.

I just spoke to xh step brother, and I told him of the current situation. He said that I should not have offered that to him. That OW would not be welcomed by the family if he takes her back there.

Therein probably lies the real reason why your WH seems so reluctant to go. He's probably quite aware of what type of welcome will be awaiting himself and the OW.