Sample Plan B Letter - 05/06/07 03:45 AM
You know how people always say, "Can you show me where Dr. Harley has an example of a Plan B letter...or a post with a sample Plan B letter?" and you can't find them? Well...here ya go! Straight out of "Surviving an Affair":
My Dear WS,
I apologize to you for my part in creating an environment that helped make your affair with OP possible. I foolishly pursued my career without understanding my responsibility to meet your most important emotional needs. I was not there for you when you needed me most, and we are now both suffering for my mistake.
I am willing to avoid the mistakes I've made in the past and create a new life for both of us that will meet your needs. But I can not do that until you end your relationship with OP once and for all.
Until then, I will avoid seeing you or talking to you. I will also not be able to help you financially. Our friends, Jane and Paul, have agreed to help make arrangements for you to visit the children whenever you would like. But I will not be here when you visit. If you want to communicate about the children or any other matter, it will have to be through Jane and Paul.
I as you to respect my decision to separate from you this way. You must know about the suffering I have endured because of your relationship with OP, and I simply can not be with you any longer knowing that you are with him/her. I still love you but I can not see you under these conditions.
As soon as you are willing to permanently separate from OP and are willing to follow the measures that were suggest to ensure total separation, I will be willing to discuss our future together.
I want us to be able to rebuild our marriage some day. I want us to be able to meet each other's emotional needs and to avoid doing anything to hurt each other. We need to build a new lifestyle in which everything we do makes us both happy. Then there will never again be a reason for us to separate. I want to be your best friend, someone who is always there for you when you need me. And I want you as my best friend.
I loved you when we married and I continue to love you right up to this day. I just can not be with you or help you as long as you are seeing OP.
With my Love,
BS
To go into Plan B, you need to:
1) Do a good Plan A--for between 3-6 months usually.
2) Find your intermediaries (in this letter, the friends Jane and Paul)
3) Determine in your heart how long you will Plan B--usually something like 1 year or 18 months.
4) Give a copy of this letter to your WS.
5) Give a copy of this letter to the OP with at note at the bottom saying: "I love WS with all my heart and am willing to do whatever it takes to make him/her happy. I will wait for him/her to give me that chance."
Your faithful friend,
CJ
My Dear WS,
I apologize to you for my part in creating an environment that helped make your affair with OP possible. I foolishly pursued my career without understanding my responsibility to meet your most important emotional needs. I was not there for you when you needed me most, and we are now both suffering for my mistake.
I am willing to avoid the mistakes I've made in the past and create a new life for both of us that will meet your needs. But I can not do that until you end your relationship with OP once and for all.
Until then, I will avoid seeing you or talking to you. I will also not be able to help you financially. Our friends, Jane and Paul, have agreed to help make arrangements for you to visit the children whenever you would like. But I will not be here when you visit. If you want to communicate about the children or any other matter, it will have to be through Jane and Paul.
I as you to respect my decision to separate from you this way. You must know about the suffering I have endured because of your relationship with OP, and I simply can not be with you any longer knowing that you are with him/her. I still love you but I can not see you under these conditions.
As soon as you are willing to permanently separate from OP and are willing to follow the measures that were suggest to ensure total separation, I will be willing to discuss our future together.
I want us to be able to rebuild our marriage some day. I want us to be able to meet each other's emotional needs and to avoid doing anything to hurt each other. We need to build a new lifestyle in which everything we do makes us both happy. Then there will never again be a reason for us to separate. I want to be your best friend, someone who is always there for you when you need me. And I want you as my best friend.
I loved you when we married and I continue to love you right up to this day. I just can not be with you or help you as long as you are seeing OP.
With my Love,
BS
To go into Plan B, you need to:
1) Do a good Plan A--for between 3-6 months usually.
2) Find your intermediaries (in this letter, the friends Jane and Paul)
3) Determine in your heart how long you will Plan B--usually something like 1 year or 18 months.
4) Give a copy of this letter to your WS.
5) Give a copy of this letter to the OP with at note at the bottom saying: "I love WS with all my heart and am willing to do whatever it takes to make him/her happy. I will wait for him/her to give me that chance."
Your faithful friend,
CJ