hi.

you netioned a resentment timeline on Rubydoo's thread.
can you tell me more about it?
thanks.

I would love to know how to do the resentment timeline too. And what a person is to learn from it.

You two are not alone...this has come up before.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Here's the link to Resentment Timeline Exercise ...my post is further down the page...

Just as I explained on Ruby's thread...the steps to do it do not convey the impact.

What YOU learn from it will be yours...it's not like saying "If you drive East from here to here to here, you'll get to New York" (and those directions work from anywhere in the world)...what you experience will be your own. What I don't want to do (and I think my post on the linked thread kinda did that) is tell you will feel or think...the process itself...writing down each incident or event...has it's own ownership and awareness properties built-in.

As with the other thread (and there have been more than one we've done this exercise on), if you will come back and share YOUR experience (anyone who would like to do this), your feelings, your thoughts after completing it...then others can benefit, as well...me, especially.

Also, I would add that this is great for any human being on the planet to do for themselves. We learn to resent in our FOO...and hold onto resentments through old and sometimes, hand-me-down beliefs. It's exceedingly common in long-term relationships, including in the work environment, marriage, parenting, and breathing.

That's my belief.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You're not weird or wrong...what you are, is about to be free.

IMO

LA

thanks.
i KNEW i saw a thread about it before.

Thank you for the link. I am off to read it now.

See, you're not crazy, Nia. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> (got that puddiecat voice in my head right now...I thought I saw...oh, geesh.)

I know you're off, Ruby...:::ducking:::

Sharing my lame humor. RESENTMENT TIMELINE WILL NOT HELP YOUR HUMOR. You may, however, find it very funny a few years later.

LA

I have been thinking about it a lot...getting ready to try to spend some time putting it on paper.

i can't think of anythign from the early years....there are severalincidents fromt he pre marriage years that stand out in my mind.....and then, it all seems to fade 'till we relocated for the first time w/ 2 babies. i was away from my family and support system....and from there they keep poppin into my mind so fast i can't keep track of them..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

I did the whole relationship with my DH, Nia. Pre-marriage and post...what stood out, I wrote down.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> on your multitude...poppin into your mind so fast...I LOVE that...

Oh, and you brought to mind one I didn't include! How 'bout that...relocation. :::shuddering at the memory::: I actually hate moving MORE than death or taxes.

I'm glad you're going to now do this, Nia. I'm grateful I did. And gratitude we get to keep for a lifetime.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

LA

i have thought about the patterns in most of my resentments......the feelings of being disrespected...dismissed...patronized. I see lots of FOO issues.
I know i am afraid of my life turning out like my mothers.
i know i dwell in fear which leads to anxiety....which leads to other bad habits.

LA...who am i suppose dto discuss these incidents with?

i don't have a therapist at the moment.
we are supposed to start MC next week.
i suppose i could bring my resentment timeline and refer him to LovingAnyway at Marriagebuilders if he has any questions. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Nia,

Do the process first...take the action. See where it leads you...and come back here to share your resulting feelings, thoughts--your stuff. I think after you do this, you'll have most of your answers already in hand.

ROFL about referring MC to me. You are sooo funny. I only had a mild panic attack right then. Heehee. As another poster on the thread I linked said, this isn't unusual...the timeline. It's in books and I guess, therapists use it as one of their many tools.

Congrats on MC!!!!!! I'm so excited for your marriage.

Both you and Ruby asked the question, though, in your own way, of what will this accomplish? What will it be like? I perceive this because it's not an uncommon response. What's good to know is that often you want to know the result before you choose to take the action.

You may find that knowledge helpful as you work on your timeline...not as a judgment...more of a pattern.

And you already know you were taught how to resent...it's shape, texture and "rightness" in FOO. That's an awesome start right there, I think.

And kudos on identifying your fears...another common one...afraid of your life turning out like your mother's. And THANK YOU for sharing your choice to dwell in fear, knowing it leads to anxiety and in turn, leads to other bad habits. My DH and I are working on that very issue right now...and you captured it in an easy sentence I can memorize and share.

LA