What's up with you?

What makes you think that you can just swing in and comment on pics?????

There are GODDESSES out here with eyes on you!!!

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Hu?

GEORGIA Guy is Formerly G.G. who just posted on the PHOTO THREAD...an oldtimer here..long story...

Well....I thought I'd come back from the dead for a bit!

Good Morning to all...(there, how's that for a bit of nostalgia?).

It is bittersweet to stop by and read postings from the new folks who are having to start afresh where so many of us have already been. Sad in many ways, but encouraging that they are receiving encouraging words from wise hands who've BTDT.

All in all, I am doing very well thank you.

I still teach the H.S. kids S.S. class at my church and have gotten really close to some of the kids. They are a great group of kids and I love them a lot.

My pastor resigned and took another church about a month ago. That has been a big hit in my life as he was my best friend (and accountability partner) as well. He and I still talk from time to time.

I have been dating a local (well..about 30 miles away) lady since January. She's been a real blessing to me. A very, very strong Christian woman that is a real down to earth type. We have a wonderful relationship. She has been DV'd 9 years, her H of 20 years left her for another woman. She has 3 grown (and married) kids and 5 gk's. All live locally.

I have continued battle my diet issues (which I now seem to be winning) and play racquetball every Monday night. I have lost 10 pounds and been able to get off of my cholersterol (Zocor) med as well as BP med (Norvasc). For the first time in about 5 years I am totally prescription free which is really, really nice (and I feel a lot better).

My Saab died an untimely death and was replaced by a BMW convertible (used, of course).

My dad (90 y.o.) fell about a month ago and injured a rib. However, the trauma seemed to totally overwhelm his mental state and he lost all concept of reality. Two days after the accident he didn't know my mom (or me). She had to put him in a nursing home and that has been very hard for her.

There...a very quick recap of a few highlights.

Oh...I don't think I've posted since my last conversation with xW (in Feb.) who told me that her R with OM#2 was "no big deal". sigh...

Georgia

Sounds like things are going JUST FINE AND DANDY, Georgia...

Thanks for catching us ALL up on things....

CC was asking about you...

Hope she pops in for a visit as well..

I will always appreciate the advice you have given me on helping me to understand my H...

I still struggle with NOT BEING CRITICAL but you are SOOOO right about that, Georgia....

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I hope CC is doing well...it would be nice to hear how things are going.

For any who have struggled with the "understanding your H" issue, let me relate a recent incident that made such a huge impression on me.

I was given an opportunity to transfer to Illinois and take a job within my company that I would find very attractive. At the same time, I was approached about a job in San Antonio that would allow me to split my time between GA and TX. Or..third option...stay right here and keep doing what I've been doing. However, there is a risk that my job here may be eliminated later this year.

This was a huge burden for me for a few weeks. Of course, June (I'll call her) and I discussed this, as well as prayed about it together.

Just before I got ready to go to Illinois for a week for a discussion about this, June told me the night before I left:

"Georgia, I believe in you. I know you will make the right decision."

Wow..that just blew me away when she told me that! That was one of the most encouraging things I've heard in years. For her to use the words...I BELIEVE IN YOU....man, that was powerful. I later told her how much I appreciated that and how much that meant to me.

Anyway, what I'm trying to get across to any GODDESS's who may wish to listen is how important it is to your H to know YOU BELIEVE IN HIM!

Georgia

You know it is so easy for us women to say this to others, but so hard to say it to our significant other for some reason.

Does this fall under admiration? I read that one of the greatest needs men have is to know that their ideas are valued.

I told my fiance' one time after he had spent a lot of time helping someone down in New Orleans "I am so proud of you", not really thinking it would mean so much to him, although I was immensely proud of his altruism.

Anyway, the next day he told me that no one had ever said those words to him before, not even his parents, and he was on cloud nine all night. He said they almost brought tears to his eyes.

It takes so little to bring so much to someone.

Who would have thought that hearing the words "I believe in you" would have such an impact on you, GG.

Thanks for sharing that.

Weaver..yes, I think it is exactly ADMIRATION. And, at least for me, it is impossible to overstate how important that is to a man.

I know that there may be some who would say they DON'T admire their H...and couldn't truthfully say those words to him.

But, in those cases I would refer them to Eggerich's book (Love & Respect) which makes such an excellent argument for someone "breaking the downward cycle". I realize a W may have to LOOK for something to ADMIRE in some cases...but I would say to her to find something and begin the process of ADMIRATION. (i.e. - "Dear, there's not another house on this street that has it's garbage set out as efficiently as you do. I really ADMIRE the way you are so RESPONSIBLE to take care of that!).

Anyway, you get the point.

Speaking on behalf of MEN everywhere....we need to be ADMIRED! (or at least RESPECTED!).....

Now stepping down from my soap box and going to eat lunch....

AHHH..."LOVE AND RESPECT" by Eggerichs...that life-changing book for me that confirmed everything that Georgia had been telling me..the book I read out loud to my H and he agreed with every word..and him saying "I've been trying to tell you this stuff...

A highly recommended book for those with men with ADMIRATION as their number 1 need...

Mimi,

We learn something similar in our management training seminars, where if you can't catch someone doing something right than YOU are not doing your job.

It's like the 1/20 rule - if you ever (and this should be very rare) feel you must criticize someone, you had better make sure you have found 20 things to praise him for first.

I am leaning so much about E/N's because I really want to have a good marriage. The concept is still hard for me to grasp about the needs being something another person has to meet for you, and I haven't totally got it donw like others on here...but my mind has been opened to it (finally). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I agree completely. I don't know about most men, but I do know for me believing the person I love is proud of me is sooo important. Having them say it to me, especially out of the blue, would put me on cloud nine for a while. I hope you let her know how much it meant to you.

What freaks me out is how INGRAINED behavior can be that is learned in childhood. As much as I know that my H hates for me to CRITICIZE him, it is soooo hard for me not to do it because CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE..me coming from such PERFECTIONISTIC PARENTS and me being sooo PERFECTIONISTIC..YUCK....



Why is it hard for you to grasp, Weaver? It starts in childhood..like your daughter NEEDING for you to NURTURE her..same in ADULTHOOD with those we LOVE..except we are supposed to be OPEN AND HONEST about OUR NEEDS...and to not EXPECT our partner to JUST KNOW..like our parents were supposed to JUST KNOW how to take care of us. I had this light bulb moment about this yesterday, realizing that alot of this does come down to NURTURANCE. My H loves for me to FEED HIM and to TAKE CARE OF HIM...and the same with me..I want him to ATTEND to me and to TAKE CARE OF ME, basically...MAKE SENSE?

Well, it is just hard for me to see that this is what makes a happy marriage.

I get none of those needs met when I am not in a relationship from another person and I am usually very happy.

I meet my own emotional needs.

I can't understand why if you should have sex every day if you don't want to.

If your spouse becomes disabled and can't have sex, are you going to be unhappy and unfulfilled for this reason?

What if they become maimed and don't look so pretty? Are you going to be unhappy because physical attractiveness is in your top 5?

How about if you can no longer work 100 hours a week to make $150K, and money support is in your spouse's top 5? Are you then responsible for you spouse's unhappiness?

This stuff is tough for me Mimi, as I raised to be very self-sufficient, and I expect that in others.

I'm trying to get it though.

MARRIAGE is SPECIAL..in a SPIRITUAL SENSE..like PARENTHOOD..like no other relationship..

GOD created your FIANCE for you and brought you together for some SPECIAL PURPOSE...that is not for you to FULLY UNDERSTAND...

I ordered that book. Thanks for the tip!

Is that a bad idea in Plan A that I just sent my H a TM that says "I believe in you." I don't want to be pushy.

Okay Mimi, but what about if I become ugly and his top need if physical attractiveness (which it is very high on his list, as is sex). Will he become unhappy?

Or if I cannot have sex because I get hurt?

Not if he can fullfill his needs in another, healthy way. Such as in finding beauty in my personality, my laughter. Right? Please tell me it is up to him to meet his needs if his spouse cannot (in a healthy way of course)

I luv you Mimi. You are the only person I actually enjoy seeing all caps shouting out to me in a post. Truely, you are something really special!

He fell in love with you because that is a top need and you are not likely to become ugly but if you DO, you'll find the best PLASTIC SURGEON that you can find. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> If you can CONTROL the UGLY FACTOR, since you LOVE HIM and he is meeting your needs, you will do whatever you can to prevent this.

I wish you could have seen my grandparents when they were in their 80s. They were married 71 years before one of them died. My grandmother would put on her orange or red (depending on her dress color) lipstick (which she kept in her "pocketbook") and dress up in her "outfits" with hat and all when I picked them up to take them to their doctor's appts...SO CUTE..they would sit there and enjoy each other in the waiting room like they were on a date. Who knew what was so comical in a dr.'s waiting room?



Even quadriplegics..male and female..have sex...methods have been devised...erogenous zones are all over our bodies...

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Well, there is just no arguing with you today Mim. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I am trying to buy into it completely, and it may take us actually being married and living together before I can fully recognize the truth to it.

But I still think you have to be happy inside to begin with to have a happy marriage, and your spouse just can't give that to you. It comes from within.

Maybe it takes both to have a great marriage, the E/N thing and the happiness you bring with you to the marriage from within yourself.

You been married since forever, so you have first hand knowledge of what happens when you don't and what happens when you do, and it is this reason that kept me from totaling throwing into the garbage in the first place. Paying attention to the others on here who have been married for so long.

I would like to add an addendum to Mimi's earlier statement.

My Pastor helped me see how much the marriage relationship is really a reflection of the relationship between Christ and the church. This point is also driven home in Eggerich's book to which we've referred.

Once that model is grasped and understood, then one is in a better question to answer the "what if" questions. Then we can begin to understand that it isn't so much a question of ABILITY as it is ATTITUDE.

In the same way that there may be a limitation as to how much each of us can do as individual Christian's, there also may be limitations to how much we can do for our spouses. I may not look like (choose one: Mel Gibson, Brad Pitt, Tom Selleck), but what I can do is make sure that I understand I am going to look my BEST for my spouse (assuming that is one of her needs). Likewise, if left unable to be physical due to an accident, do I have an ATTITUDE that I will do what I can with what I have left to please my spouse?

And...when we are on the flip side (wanting our needs met), do we have an ATTITUDE of expectation that our spouse will do as we want, or will we see it as a blessing to be thankful for when they do meet that particular need?

In my view...it's not so much how good we are (or else we would all be in constant competition to keep our spouse from a competitor who is sexier, wealthier, prettier, etc.), but rather our ATTITUDE of SERVICE and HUMILITY to our mate that will meet those needs.

Wow...didn't mean to go on for so long.

I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU!! I don't think it's healthy to DEPEND on another person for your HAPPINESS...but your spouse ENHANCES your basic happiness by meeting your primary EMOTIONAL NEEDS...



EXACTLY..I agree with you TOTALLY!!

Actually, it was a MAJOR PROBLEM in our marriage..my expectation for MY HUSBAND to MAKE ME HAPPY..too much of a BURDEN for another person...and come to find out he expected that out of me...we are HAPPIER 'cause we take care of each others' BASIC EMOTIONAL NEEDS...NOW...

No, not too long. Glad you did, because it is in the attitude or the spirit of the meeting of the E/N's, it has to be. This is what I was looking for. Thank you.

This is what your grandparents had Mimi. I get it.

Thanks Weaver...I hope that somehow my rambling missive made some sense.

I have enjoyed conversing with you all today.

I'm off to see my Dad (Mom's upset and crying because he is so "pitiful" in that nursing home. They have been married 64 years).

Then I'm pulling out all the stops and taking June to a fine dinner tonight. Fancy place called "Waffle House"....

Good Night....

Hi FGG!

Hey FGG, good to hear from you <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

It's true I asked Mimi if she had any news since it had been so long since you checked in.

I only check the forum every now and then. I have no enthusiasm for reading new terrible stories and I don't feel I can help at this moment. I do listen to Dr. Harley every day hoping to learn a little more each time, and generally I do!
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Unfortunately he is away until the 9th july and I pratically know the repeat shows by heart.

My situation is basically the same. I'm doing as best as I can waiting for WH to ask for a divorce. I haven't "let go" but WH would never know since I don't see or talk to him. Dr. H says that "letting go" requires help from God...I'm waiting. His will be done!

DDs see WH less every week. Dr. H predicted that.Otherwise they are doing great with their studies and one is teaching and getting a salary!


But all in all I enjoy my freedom and the peace and quiet. I have a new job since march which is much less demanding than the other one so I do a lot of crafts and a lot of thinking.

It's winter and very cold here, but I like this season.

Hi 2Long...I was wondering about you and hoping you'd stop in and say "Hi". I saw your pic on the link earlier today when I was browsing through and got me 2 thinking about you. I love your little ditty's at the bottom of your thread...you must have a book of them. Cute...real cute.

cc....it is so nice to hear from you. You have always struck me as one who has excelled at reaching a stage of contentment even during the turmoil. I'm sure you have been an inspiration to many here even if you don't realize it.

Did you make that trip to GA (CDC) that you were talking about? If so, I hope my fellow Georgians treated you well and you enjoyed the visit. Winter sounds inviting right now. I passed a bank sign this afternoon that had "100 deg" (F) on it. Probably not the official temp, but it's still plenty hot here.

So nice to hear from you, cc.

You 2 2Long. By the way, I am finishing the last room in my house right now. The front bedroom was still "rough". I've had the floors (pine) refinished, painted the room kind of a colonial gray/blue with white trim and white brick fireplace. The place looks nice (I should be a little more modest!).

Georgia...

Hi, GG.

I am glad to see you are well!

God bless,
Gimble

Hi FGG, I haven't been abroad since august last year when I went to my niece's wedding in USA. I haven't even taken any holidays. I'm still trying to find myself in my new life...

We are past the 2 year mark so things should start to settle down now, for you and me. As Dr. H says,there is nothing worse than infidelity so whatever comes now can only be better!

I have the intention and hope of taking a couple of weeks to go to the south of Argentina, something I've been hoping to do for a long time. But I'm in no hurry.

I have a sign I put up in my office with a sentence taken from Scott Peck: "Mental health is the ongoing process of dediction to reality at all costs". Trips are fantasy. A huge relief for the pain, but certainly not the reality we have to live with. That's why I'm not in such a hurry. I'm holding on to my mental health.

Still I feel like I've grown more in these last 2 years than in the last 30 years of my life. And I'm very grateful to MB and all the people I've met here for a big chunk of that growth.

We will survive and be better people for it.

I'm very glad to hear from you.

Well said, CC

I feel this way, too!!

CC:

You said this yesterday.

I'm hoping that you drop by again and share more about what Dr. H said about "LETTING GO".

Mimi, I also have to thank you personally for another big chunk of knowledge that has changed my life: Scott Peck. I remember reading your thread on People of the lie. Then one day I was in Guatemala and I found a used book store with books in english. I immediately recognized Scott Pecks name on one and bought it: it was The Road less Traveled. That book was written for me! I think I've read it 4 or 5 times since I got it. I've also read the following one which doesn't add much but the last of the series is excellent too. People of the lie is the one I'm re-reading now and each time I read it I picture my MIL and BILs. They are evil for sure and maybe WH is now one of them!
I have also read Denial of the Soul and A Different Drum. All of them have explained things I seemed to have in the back of my mind forever. I can so relate to what Peck has written...

Anyway, I have to thank [color:"red"]YOU [/color] for Peck.

Now as to what Dr. H. said, I am trusting my memory because it was quite a while ago. I think the question he was asked was precisely how to "let go", because I know I paid special attention at that moment because that is exactly my main problem. First he talked about how As usually end and when they don't the people are miserable anyway. He repeated that after 2 years there isn't much hope that a marriage can be recovered. Then his voice changed, it was softer and he said that letting go actually required God's grace. There wasn't anything he could offer as a psychologist to help you let go.

I was impressed because I thought he would have a formula, like he does for most things, although they may not be easy to follow or accomplish, but he didn't for "letting go".

After listening so much to Dr. Harley I think that one point we don't really realize here is that he himself doesn't think he could forgive infidelity,he can't imagine it. He has said so. But people come and ask him to help them recover from infidelity and that's why he's developed his program and it's obviously very good. He has managed to recover many marriages.

Dr. H aways says infidelity is the worse thing that someone can do to another and yet, when you look around and see so much adultery going on and how most people don't seem to feel it's the worse thing that can happen to them you wonder. It certainly has been the worse thing that has happened to me! But I have a friend at work who is the OW of one of the bosses. Everyone knows and I believe her husband does too and from one remark she made I believe he probably hasn't been faithful either. Of course theirs is not a good marriage and yet they continue on. their lives are not yet devastated...

So I have come to the conclusion that people who come on MB or go to a counselor are actually more sensitive or more caring than the average person. We're actually a select group with probably certain moral values than the majority don't REALLY believe in. And we're willing to stick to these values. Still, we're a MINORITY, unfortunately. In People of the Lie Peck says that people who are evil would NEVER go to psychotheray so he cannot study them. This is sort of the same: most people would probably be unfaithful given the right circumstances and will not think twice about it. Whatever they say....


I look around and see these people who giveup their proclaimed moral values every day and all over. Even catholic priests give up these values very easily because adultery is so common it has become the "normal" thing. Two of the four priests I talked to basically told me to get over it because it happens! I think they are just a reflection of the social behaviours and have not really been prepared to help in these cases, at least here in my country.

I hope this answers your question. It's not really a pretty picture. It will also probably get worse before it gets better, for society.

Thank you, CC!! I'm going to reread THE ROAD LESS TRAVELLED...

I like you a lot.

We need to keep in touch.

I really want to visit South America.

(((cc)))

Mimi, you and any MBer has a home and a guide here!

Good evening folks -

Well, I am posting this here because some of you "oldies but goodies" will remember Reggie. A memory jogger: the little boy who lived next door to me the first 6 months of my separation.

Anyway, I was coming out of the local grocery this evening and noticed a large cloud of black smoke from the direction of my house. Getting closer, I was able to see that it was coming from very near the apartment that I had rented. However, the street was blocked off and I could see numerous fire trucks in the street.

A couple of hours later (about 3 hours ago), I drove past the blocked street and came back up a side street. It was Reggies house, and it is obviously a total loss. I was able to ask one of the fire fighters is anyone was injured and he said no. However, I don't know any details right now..but Reggies house is gone.

Those of you know remember Reggie remember what a sweat little boy he is and how much I enjoyed playing ball with him in his yard after I would get home from work. I will need to see what I can find out and how he and his mom can be helped.

Georgia..

That makes me sad to hear this. Reggie seemed so needy and pitiful.

cc -

I enjoyed your previous post. It was very thought provoking, I went back and reread several times. I think that the pain of infidelity is very widespread, but unless a BS takes the step to get in touch with others of similar circumstance (such as MB), then it may be hard to know how to respond to the hurt. There is no life lesson that prepares one on what to do / say / feel when one's spouse is unfaithful. I suspect the surface complacency shown by some may only be a feeble attempt to hide the pain.

The time I looked up your country on some web-sites I remember what a beautiful place it looked like. I know you are doing well there, but also have unique challenges from the culture as you've described it in the past.

And...I'm between books right now, I'll see if I can find some of Scott Peck's and read them. Sounds interesting.

An update on Reggie....

The local news and the paper only carried a very short snippet about the fire, other than to say firefighters had to rescue the family dog. I don't even know their last name, and really don't know anymore today than I did last night. However, there is no doubt the house is a total loss.

Georgia

FGG,

I completely agree with you except that I don't thinkit is a"feeble" attempt to hide the pain. It has to be a very strong effect which might also be considered denial. And the results of the denial are what lead to worse and worse consequences...

Peck says that the "original sin" is actually 2 elements that characterize human nature: cowardice and lazyness. I believe he is right. Take infidelity, first you deny any fault of your own and maybe avoid facing the situation. Denial.

Lazyness comes in when you don't try to find out what is known and what can be done. Like you said, dealing with infidelity is not something we are taught, and yet isn't it "lazy" to just accept that nobody knows so just go ahead and do whatever you feel like it at the moment or accept the advice of whoever is near you?

I was lucky, or rather "graced". My sister immediately wrote to me and said: "IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT" so I thought "if it's not my fault, how can I explain it" and that's when I started researching, found MB and others, asessed them and decided that MB seemed to be the most scientific and probably the most realistic. It offered a plausible and coherent explanaton and a plan which had logic.

Not everyone will bother to investigate. Many of the people I've talked to prefer to follow their own ideas and discard any mention of psychologists, investigations, experiences etc. What do you call that? Human nature?

Peck gave me a logical explanation according to my religious beliefs (otherwise it cannot be explained) of why people act like they do.

I have to go to work and i can't post there but later on we can continue this chat.

I remember Regggie very well. Luckily they are safe.

cc -

I will accept that "feeble" is not an appropriate word for the situation.

I remember that my first attempt at getting my situation in hand was reading Dobson's "Love Must be Tough". In actuality, the concept put forth by Dobson in dealing with a WS is much the same as Harley's. Even though he doesn't go into the Plan A & B details, Dobson (as I recall) does clearly call for the BS to draw a line in the sand and say "no more" (much like Plan B). The concept is to force a crisis and the need for a decision on the part of the WS. It's an "either / or" decision, not a "wait and see how long I can have both" sort of thing.

When I think back on my situation, I grimace at the length of time I acquiesced to my xW's behavior. I know it's not your intent to say so, but I think that I could be seen as guilty of both of the faults that you point out. And...by so doing the BS can, in fact, be party to assisting in engraining the inappropriate thought process which leads to the continued behavior. I actually read LMBT in bed at night when xW was conversing with her other man, then I would hide it under the bed so she wouldn't know I was reading it. Some example of being tough, huh?

I do sometimes still contemplate how my sitch would have ended if, when this all started in 1999, I had drawn the proverbial line in the same and stored my xW's phone and computer in a safe place...such as the garbage can after I had run over them both....to distance her from DM (Dream Man) #1.

It has been so interesting to me to hear the tale of June's xH. Once a very conservative Christian husband / father..he took a job that led to a lot of travel. June saw that this travel was involving women from his office as well...and she noticed him changing. She tells me that her attempt to discuss the "inappropriateness" of some of this with him was met with his disdain that she would say such a thing. She was assured she was imagining things. Once she bought him a book about "Hedges" in marriage and he discounted it as foolishness. With her having 3 kids and looking into her crystal ball as to where this was heading, she went back to school to get her nursing degree to be able to support herself / kids. Eight months after she got her degree he walked out (20 years of M) and left her for another woman. She tells me that he still says he did nothing wrong. He never sees his kids or grandkids (5 of them now).

Point is...the circumstances seems to change but the "script" is almost always followed. When someone begins to hear that "there's nothing wrong with what I'm doing...it's your imagination"....watch out!

All that to say this: Referring to your plausible and coherent systems, I think the common denominator that can be extracted from both Dobson and Harley is "It's me OR him / her...not both". And then force the choice NOW...not some other time.

A life lesson I'm afraid that I learned way too late....

Georgia

FGG,
If we had known all about infidelity we wouldn’t have been here.

Each one of us has his/her own specific details to tell but it all boils down to one thing in my opinion: are you capable or not of having an affair?
I know that Dr. Harley says that we can all have one given the right circumstances but the difference between the two kinds of people is that the ones who are not “capable” are probably those who admit it, who stop the affair before ruining their families, immediately they are found out, all because they feel remorse. Some would never have an affair. Those who are capable will find excuses, reasons, fog etc.

In my personal opinion some people will have an A, no matter what you do. It’s unavoidable. There is not enough social pressure against affairs. Just a few weeks ago a woman I know was talking of her children and she mentioned her daughter had a boyfriend who was “decent enough to leave his wife and 2 year old child when he realized he was serious about her”. !<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

The interesting point for me is that I don’t think that there are any advantages to having an A. Have you heard of any reasonable, sustainable benefits to an A? And yet most people ignore this very important fact. Most (including myself) have never thought of the long term consequences of an A and how they are never good, whichever way you look at them. People don’t know because there is not enough information out there, probably as Dr. H says, because those in charge of putting info out are having As themselves.

Anyway I learned a lot. And most of the information is recent so we have at least been lucky enough to have suffered at a moment when there is information and the internet! I can’t imagine what this would have been like for me 10 years ago! I don’t think I would have survived. As simple as that.

But now, we have survived and we are wiser having been through it. We have to look to the future, not the past. And you are doing just great! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Hi Georgia Guy

Is there any update on Reggie. Yes, of course, I remember him. (and you too)

-AD