Interesting article for those that are hedging on forgiving someone.

The Power of Forgiveness

Spacecase has assembled a set of nifty 2uotes about forginvess here, including many by Smedes:

http://www.iloveulove.com/wisdom/50quotes.htm

-ol' 2long

2long,

Thanks for that link.

I never linked unforgiveness with stress, which is a seed to any number of mental and physical ailments. Unforgiveness is literally unhealthy, both mentally and physically.

Granted, one does not forgive overnight, but the longer a person is unforgiving, the more they put themself at risk for developing ailments or complicating existing ones.

I am using (ailments) in a very broad sense.

I wonder if there are any posters here that HAVE forgiven (infidelity) and noticed a difference in their mental and/or physical well being afterwards.

I don't know about here BA, but in my life I see it all the time with the people I am around or meet. It's not too hard to tell where a person is emotionally from there physical shape as well as their mental shape.

ACIM says that all suffering is from lack of forgiveness, beginning with self.

I can't stand to carry a grudge or to harbor ill will. It affects everything I think, feel and do.

I just wonder how rightious anger ties into forgiveness. I hate being angry for any reason. There must be some kind of balance though. Or maybe the ability to be angry as needed and then to let it go.

I don't know but I'm one of the forgiving sorts. I can't hold a grudge. I might purge somebody from my life if they've wronged me too many times - but I'll forgive them and move on - getting rid of the toxic person in the process.

My Mother, on the other hand, is an eternal grudge-bearer. She has many chips on her shoulders - from my father to her siblings... some of these hostilities have lasted for decades.

I don't have the energy to put into 'being mad' at somebody for very long. Yeah I get mad, get hurt, but then I let it go and move on. So much negativity *must* have an effect on the phyiscal as well as the emotional being.

I'm the queen of stress - running my own business, kids, household - keeping all the balls in the air - it's all I can do to pray for help and keep it going for today - and I'm trying very hard to learn to stop worrying about "tomorrow" - I have good days and bad days at doing that.

I just don't have the fortitude that it would take to stay mad at somebody or not to forgive and let it go. Life is short enough as it is. It shortens a lot faster if we cling to negativity.

JinGA

One of the quotes on 2long's link reads:

Lewis B. Smedes - Forgive & Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don't Deserve

"When we forgive evil we do not excuse it, we do not tolerate it, we do not smother it. We look the evil full in the face, call it what it is, let its horror shock and stun and enrage us, and only then do we forgive it."

I take this to mean that we are taking back control over the pain that unforgiveness creates in us. Forgiveness does not excuse the hurtful action (ex. an affair) it states that the hurtful action is no longer going to cause me pain. The hurtful action is no longer going to dictate my health and well being. I won't permit it. I am done being angry.


Completely removing yourself from the WS (i.e. divorce) may well be part of the process for some BS's in order to accomplish forgiveness and take back control.

Forgiveness doesn't mean that you continue to subject yourself to abusive behavior, nor do you have to agree to spend time with the person you are forgiving. It may be that in order to protect yourself physically and/or psychologically, you have to distance yourself from the other person.

I am only using infidelity as an example due to the arena that I am posting in. Of course forgiveness can apply to a broad array of offenses.

Thanks for the responses.