I am about to declare an EA for what it is, to my WW and the OM, and ask for them to spend less time together, or no time together, whatever I can get, if anything. Thanks to replies to a post I made earlier today... http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...&PHPSESSID=

For the past 3 months now, my wife will not go anywhere with just me and our two kids. That is, anywhere where there are people that know about the time she spends with the OM. She will go anywhere with us if the OM (also a close family friend) is along, vacations, church, etc. So I have missed my 20 year High School reunion, two weeks of planned vacation (one with my family and one with hers), and now am about to miss a 50th family anniversary. There is always an excuse about why we can't go. But it seems clear it is because she won't admit to her EA, but feels judged around those people that see it for what it really is.

Anyway, I am wondering if it is Okay for me to go to my family events with our kids without her? I have not gone anywhere thinking that it would be better to stay home with her than to leave her with a free weekend with the OM. Is it better to go on indefinetly without going anywhere just because my WW refuses to go with us, or to just leave her and go with our kids myself?

I hope and pray that with God's help, I can do my part to save this marriage. I want to do what is right and healing for us, whatever the cost to me, because I know I have hurt her in the past. Any advise would be appreciated. Thank you.

You need to stay home, and get this resolved. Please talk to the other man.

Can you try and stick with 1 thread - it will assist people in helping you.

If WW won't go with you then go with your kids.

Please also heed what people posted about NC. ANY contact will sabotage recovery. NC is the most basic pillar of recovery. Recovery is impossible with "just a little contact"

My WX did something similar the last year he lived with us.
But in our case I never met the OW (she worked with him). He just refused to go anywhere with me and our daughters or to do anything with our friends anymore. He also started moving out and back in over any teensy little excuse he could pretend was a 'fight'. After being gone for one week he declared that he was "over you guys" (daughters too?) "had closure" and had "gotten on with his life" LOL!

But after he had been gone for a while, and the adultery had been discovered and exposed, then he started demanding to come over to have dinner with us, watch movies with us, and even expected me to come along on his visitation with our daughters! Weirdness!!! (I only allowed this during a brief Plan A which succeeded in ending the honeymoon phase of the adultery - OW started acting jealous and controlling LOL)

I agree with what was posted about NC. I'm not familiar with your whole story but if your WW is claiming the EA is over then she needs to agree to NC with the OM.

I definitely would consider exposure if you haven't done so already. What does your wife say about her relationship with the OM?